Daffy
We just have to keep it together dont we?
Will you stay in the house or sell up eventually and buy somewhere new?
Cheryl
Keeping it together is crucial or a the very least do the best I can. Iām supposed to be attending a funeral at the end of the month. I not sure itās a good thing, as there will be strong reminders of my own loss. Mumās funeral was a bit of a blur. This time around the words could hit home harder.
I intend to stay for a good while in Mumās house, as there is a comfort in the familiar surroundings. However, the house is old, so maintenance issues might force me to move one day. I always said to Mum I stay in the house and not move.
The house is cheap to run, which is a big plus.
I think and hope that I will eventually adjust to the fact Mum is not in the house. It could take years.
Sudden death of a loved one is so shocking.
It is daffy
I am slowly getting used to her not being there but we only lived there for 10 months
In 3 months I will have lived there longer without her than with her which is very sad
In hindsight now i am reflecting on whether i would have felt better being in the room Richard died in at the split second he took his last breath in, well maybe it was a blessing that i wasnāt in there as we might have been bickering, i will use that word as he never argued or at least he would never start an argument, but bickering now and again was not uncommon, and i would have never forgiven myself if i had started bickering over this and that, something maybe petty which may have caused him to have had his heart blockage attackā¦although i did a few hours back when he was thinking about getting out of bed to get ready for his car journey in taking our then dog to the pet groomers, i had been in the kitchen and notice tiny poppy seeds over the counter from our slice bread and had another moan about the mess, then in my next breath said in a not to pleasant tome," not to worry, i have cleared your mess upā¦" I am so so angry with myself that even on the unexpected morning he died that i had to have a go at him over something that was so pettyā¦If i have learnt any lessons, i will not moan or complain over pettiness, as one never knows this might be the last moan ever to that person, and one can never take back our words afterwardsā¦
Jackieā¦
Koop Jackie my husband complains all the time about stuff. Itās water off a ducks back I take no notice. I can also be really sarcastic and moody. Isnāt that marriage/partnership. ups and downs. Twists and turns. Frustrations and bickering. But you also mention all the wonderful things you used to do together. All the trips out etc. Iām very good at giving out this advice. And I need to take it. We are all human with human emotions. Life is a rich tapestry. We are not perfect. He loved you. Probably took no notice of any complaints like i do with my hubby. Probably had a little giggle to himself which is what I do when my husband is on one. But I take it because my husband has lots of other wonderful features thatās just one of his foibles
Jackie
You didnt cause Richardās heart blockage just as I didnāt cause mums brain haemorrhage
Muns arteries were all blocked just like your Richardās. That takes years to happen.
Sometimes I blame moving into the house 10 months before she died but my partner reminds me that mums carotid artery and heart arteries would have taken 20 plus years to get to that state.
I read recently that doctors are finding plaque build up in arteries in 13 year olds in the uk now
Our lifestyles in our 30s and 40s are what causes our blocked arteries in our 60s and 70s
Cheryl x
I know Jackie I nagged Colin constantly due to the fact he was a messy and clumsy devil but I am not the type to say nothing. Couple of days before he died I shouted I was going to kill him as he had covered the kitchen blind in beetroot of all things! We canāt dwell on things like that though or we would drive ourselves mad. We just feel guilty because they are no longer here but if Colin was still here I would still be having a go at him because itās human nature.
V xx
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Cherylā¦
ā¦ yes it can be our lifestyle from our past that has a strange way of catching up on us years laterā¦
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My Richard did not deserve me, oh we had a lot of good moments when we came together but oh the times i just kept on and on at him, i would not let it restā¦thankfully it was not all badā¦I know he knew i cared about him, i made my feelings clear that i did not like the medications he was taking nor the ( puffa puffa, my word for it ) his inhaler, nor the daily pin-pricking of his finger in monitoring his blood, his ironā¦his eye drops, he was due cataract removalā¦He knew my feelings about medications, but, his words to me long long before his death wasā¦well if they are keeping me aliveā¦" well they didnāt, they never, i had told him, " it doesnāt work like that, when our time is up, it is upā¦" he believed he was doing everything he was told to do by our GP, and just followed orders, he would never query nor reject, just took it the medics knew best, he trusted themā¦whereas my way of thinking was if anything is going to kill you, end your life it will be the c***p you are taking, he knew i did not like him pill poppingā¦another term i was always usuingā¦
the medications in my mind i believed was doing him more harm than goodā¦In the end i just thought he was taking too manyā¦he was being treated originally for COPD, but it was only just before the Christmas of last year when they finally told him he was needing open heart surgery to correct a valve but they needed to sort out his lack of iron, his anaemia firstā¦all these only came to fruition just before the Christmas, up until then he had a good clean bill of health apart from being type 2 diabetic was was well under controlā¦up until we moved here to Dorset nothing ever happened to him on a medical basis, i was even envious of him, can you believe it, now of course I regret those feelings of envy now he has been taken suddenly from meā¦
Jackie
My mum was also 74 and we thought she would outlive us. Up till 2 weeks before she died we were doing the garden together, going on girly shopping trips and pub lunches.none of us knew what was going on inside her body. Iām just glad she didnāt know she was going to die and it seems your richard thought he was living a normal day as well.
I wasnt happy with the medications my mum was taking either but we put out trust in the doctors
I take a number of medications and it doesnāt bother me one bit, they are keeping me alive, part of me wants to be with my Stan but most of me wants to survive for the sake of our children, grandson and great grandson
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Oh Mary what an adorable little boy 
absolutely gorgeous. He will keep you going I am sure.
V x
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Thank you very much, MrsColt, I have found in my old age that life is made of little blessings, today, I was still feeling upset, thinking about Stan. The phone rang and it was our daughter she is looking after Jonty (Jonathan James) today she passed him the phone and he was shouting Nan, Nan. he is only 17 months old and very forward for his age. I would say that wouldnāt I? It was such a delight to hear him he started talking gibberish, that phone call has lifted my spirits such a lot. x x x
Thatās lovely Mary, I am sure his āgibberishā was just what you needed to make your day better. The power of children eh 
V x
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It is wonderful how much a little boy can lift our spirits, dear Vanda.
x x x
Maryā¦
ā¦ those were the same words my Richard said to meā¦" if they are keeping me aliveā¦" well that was also my Richards belief, but he is not here nowā¦
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Yes this is a beautiful worldā¦and our life is shorter than we believe it to be so yes live it to the full and enjoy what our God has created for usā¦but if one is living with a debilitating illness - disease, that is only going to get worse, attacking ones nervous systemā¦is it then a life worth livingā¦and living this life without our loved oneā¦even worse, without any close knit familyā¦
Jackieā¦
I always believe that life is worth living, Jackie, I havenāt been through our door since I arrived home from hospital. Having said that I am so used to being housebound, I accept it as my norm. I do become down in the dumps some days, when I remember all the lovely days out with our two children and our golden labrador, Brandy. Farndale in North Yorkshire was a regular trip, it is in the Yorkshire Dales, it was called the daffodil run, and so beautiful in the spring when there were thousands of daffodils in bloom. I know that you suffer a chronic condition, love, I have a dear friend who was diagnosed with MS when she was only 23 years old. It is a wicked condition, there are so many of these conditions where a cure cannot be found, eg porphyria, which I have, I had a bad attack whilst I was in hospital, I also have discoid lupus which compromises my immune system plus other medical conditions. The Americans have a saying if you are handed lemons in life make Lemonade. I do hope that your repairs to your home are not too invasive.
love
Mary x
I have the worst MS, Primary Progressive, there are only 10 - 15% of us that have this oneā¦