Dear Pattidot
Its so good to hear you enjoy nature. I thoroughly recommend it to anyone. to be alone on a say, a quiet woodland walk, listening to the birds, watching the wildlife, and what ever else mother nature throws your way is great therapy. Away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life, into the bigger spiritual plain of God and nature. I have now, slight arthritis in one of my knees, a part of getting old i guess, so have to rest up now and then on walks, but it wont stop me. Me and my Ann was also ramblers, and like you, i found it hard, to walk our favourite places, but okay now, as i know shes with me in spirit.
My large garden ive turned into a refuge for wildlife, and have regular visits now from not only birds, but Deer, and squirrels, which i photograph . so what with nature and photography, its changed my life around.
Dont get me wrong, i still miss my lovely wife like crazy, and sadly go through all the heartache, we all do on here, and so wish she was here to enjoy life with me, but, shes not, not in the physical sense anyways. So this is my therapy…Keep safe…John x
Hi John --Your post has inspired me to try and get back to nature as I love the peace it brings and try and see the beauty again -its early days for me and hopefully time will help ease the pain abit and help to get out of the trench as you put it.x
I felt you was writing about me so know excactly how you fill although not had the car accident , i,m coming up to the first anniversary of loosing my soul mate my husband . I think only people that have lost there soul mate there loved one truly understand and I feel it’s getting harder to cope. Just do what is best for you and cope the best you can
Oh Trac, I’m so sorry for your loss, i know, as others here what your going through, early days, but you will cope, it’s hard I know, but you will. It’s not an easy ride going through bereavement, but very slowly things become a little easier to live with. Your soul partner will always be within you forever, be with one, with him, and nature. Can’t fail… Namaste,… John x
Hello Geoff,
I’ve felt all of the things you are going through. I
I understand! I experienced the same thing, losing my mom and dad. I am single and I have the exact same feelings. I must warn you where they may lead, if you at some point do not return to life. They may lead to the empty bubble I inhabit now, and I am too young to live like this: isolated and alone. At some point, in a year or so, venture out. Remember: she would NOT want this to be your new life. Not at all. It would make her sad. But it is hard to fight. Retreat protects us as we have no one to soothe us at home, from the slings and arrows.
Dear Patience
Thank you for posting. You’ll find on this site that there’s nothing we are going through that others havnt. We are never alone left wondering.
Love and Light
Geoff x
Dear Berit
As I’m 74 retreating from my other life and so simplifying it into the smallest bubble I can gives me comfort. Im in better control. Luckily I have two children who visit - one each alternate week - so I’m not entirely alone. . But I can clearly see the wisdom in your reasoning especially as you are young. I agree whole heartedly my Anne wouldn’t want to see me living a hermit life if I didn’t want to. But I’m me and not my beloved soul mate so I do what helps me to tolerate a life I no longer want to live. Stay safe and embrace your life as best you can my friend.
Love and Light
Geoff x
In my grief support classes, there were men who felt the same. I totally do understand. I really do. Further down the road, accept some social opportunities as a way to maintain mental health, for your children. A happier parent is easier. Children need their parents, and you are still young, too young to retreat so completely, maybe at 85 but not 74! Loss is so devastating. I am sorry. I am on here because isolation is so bad for mental health. Cheers.
Dear Geoff & everyone else,
Thanks for all your support.
Love, Patience
Dear @Geoff999, thank you for this thread, this is my first day on here, what you say makes such sound sense.
It is different for younger people perhaps, I have a daughter who is a social prescriber and her advice was what I ‘should’ do is not for me. Not that I can as I am in a village without transport! I need wings!
Perhaps it may have been a bit different without the present restrictions, but not that much,
We were together for 64 years, We decided to marry after four brief meetings, utter madness, we were like two sides of one coin. Spin us and we were as one. We sometimes worked together, now I am living alone but not alone, he is in every cell of my body mind and spirit. I miss him so much yet I feel gratitude that I was not the one to have gone first, I would not wish this pain on anyone else.
I am a hermit, I pursue interests we shared via the web, I talk to him and share things as if he were just out of sight. As in fact he is, I dream and he is there as ever. It comforts but my life is devoid of so much, I have loss interest in things because they need to be physically shared. I miss the back up we gave each other.
This is the first day on here, now most things are settled I suddenly feel disabled as if I have stood down but missed my footing completely and gone too far. So thank you again, I do feel for us all in this position of being lonely for one person. X
My fiancee was killed in a cycling accident 5 months ago. I’m not retired. I’m 62 and now having to move next week as can’t afford to stay in this cottage. Thankfully landlord has a smaller place but I’m still freaking out. We’ve lived here 17 years.
I was in shock for months. We’d been together for 18 years. Lockdown was our happiest few months. We never tired of each other’s company and laughed every day.
I’ve never been able to hide my feelings. I feel like a zombie going through the motions, and although the loneliness is brutal, I have put myself in a bubble. I have no family. His family went batshit crazy and turned on me. Friends don’t understand why I’m moping around, crying, exhausted and zero interest in life. My 3 dogs are all that’s keeping me together.
I just can’t visualise a life without him. We had something unique and so much fun. We’d model each other’s body language even if we couldn’t see each other. I don’t enjoy being with others. He was the one I always enjoyed being with the most. Nothing else helps. I believe this will change somewhere down the line. But all I want to do is nothing and I can’t. I have to move and try to get some clients for my writing business. We had no life insurance or savings . Seems nuts now, totally nuts but too late…
I am so sorry, I am in an older age range so circumstances are different but I recognise your feelings.
I hope your move goes well, another issue for you.
Please keep in touch. Hold tight and be kind to yourself.
Hello jannyb. I do sympathise so very much. I too lost my husband very suddenly after many years of being together. Nothing seemed worthwhile and I too had/have money worries. unfortunately my husband did all the paperwork and organising all payments. When he died I had a large mortgage to pay and I had been made redundant! Well-meaning people give me advice but I’m doing nothing for the time being. Obviously in your case you needed to move. At least you have a reasonable landlord! I was just paralysed initially and left everything. The garden needs attention and I neglect/neglected to reply to letters and emails. At last I’m going in the garden and feeding the birds. Friends tell me that I should go out and meet people but that is almost impossible at the moment with the virus. How awful for you having to pack up and move. I do sympathise.
I have a son who lives in Spain and I haven’t seen him for nearly a year! The thoughts of quarantining for a fortnight if I were to visit him would be an impossible idea. It is all so depressing. To be bereaved at this time is a double whammy. Try to live each day at a time. That is helping me as I can’t think about the future. Lots of love, Patience x
Hi I lost my wonderful husband nine months ago . I can totally relate to you all about withdrawing from the world after the loss of a loved one . I have a good family , grandchildren and friends however right now I still feel a detachment from those around me which in its self seems so alien . I think emotionally you are still vulnerable from your loss and what would be normal in the past is now no longer so . My husband and I shared many wonderful times with our family and friends , but now I’m on my own I find it hard to embrace these times . I try to occupy myself with hobbies etc but I now feel no real pleasure in doing them as I did when my husband was here . The days are long and so very different , and I do feel more secure in my own little bubble in the home that we shared it’s a form of sanctuary from the world outside.
I think that this is very common. I also notice the loss of “pressure” to do things.
Dear Lostsoul1, I am in totally agreement with your feelings. I believe you said it all.
Herb
Dear KG47, I believe you are so correct in in this message. 12 weeks is still too fresh - I do the same thing you do. My wife has not been gone foe a year - and guess what? I miss her just the way I did after I buried her,
My home is now empty without her – I am in so much sympathy for you and all who have lost a loved one.
Please stay well!
Herb
For me right now I am constantly thinking about what should have been our 45th wedding anniversary very soon . I Know the firsts of everything are difficult, but this first without my hubby is so personal . You just can’t comprehend it . I think all of these things make you want to withdraw from the world outside.
I had the first anniversary alone in June, it was the 64th, in contrast to our earlier ones it was the strangest day. I had one card, one message saying Thinking of You, a note from friends who shared the same date.
It was a working day so very quiet as our daughter was busy, she did message me later to ask how the day had been.
People just do not know what to do or say.
So the day was quiet, that suited my mood, so I talked to my husband as I remembered and thanked him all love we shared. Sometimes we have to just withdraw, somehow this day was a comfort, I had tears but smiled back at photo that is opposite my chair. Somehow once again I thought it was us again dealing with what is in our own way. His birthday was the same,
I dread Christmas, selfishly I just want to be alone, with restrictions I may get this. These times are such hurdles, I find I just talk to him aloud all the time .
All blessings AliceA