Hi Roni
I am so glad you were able to go to the concert last night and I’m sure it was a lovely respite (even with the drunk people!!) It would have done you so much good! I miss being able to go out to an occasional concert or other outing - if I had someone nearby who would be willing to have an evening out, I would certainly love to go.
Hope your day goes well. Sending love X
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Thank you , and you .
Yes please , that would be lovely . Xo 
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Hi M ,
I know exactly how you feel, these feelings of loss, despair, fear , loneliness, anxiety just want to make us scream , which I do sometimes 
, I think it helps to release these pent up emotions .
You are very strong when you say you do not want to burden your children with your grief.
I can not help myself sometimes , the emotions just take over and then another emotion of guilt takes over , and I feel awful for laying it on them .
As you say they have enough to deal with in their own lives .
Look after yourself 
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Hi Roni
The feeling is mutual ,thank you. It’s great we have this forum to to download to each other the way we feel , and we all do feel the same , being in the same boat ’ so to speak ’ we know eactly how the other person feels.
I have a few good friends and relatives who try to understand , but they cant, as the saying goes ’ we have to walk in those shoes to know what it is really like '.
Before I lost my husband , whenever I heard about someone who had lost their husband, I felt really sad for them ,but had no idea what they were actually going through till I lost mine.
And we all know now first hand how it really feels to lose our husbands 
.
Take care xo
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I know exactly how you feel it is coming up a year and I find it is getting harder as there is nothing to interest me without him here. We lived for each other and with each other and never needed or wanted anyone else to intrude. How wrong we were to be so locked up in each other and not able to see other things out there.
I keep going but dont know why!!! What is the purpose when nothing holds anything for me. I try not to be needy but then just cry.
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Hi Sadjojo
Just sending lots of love and understanding of what you’re going through. Even though I thought I was prepared for the inevitable when I knew how things were going with Damien, we are never prepared for the long long road ahead of us. It’s so hard to see couples around you looking so happy and close and almost unbearable when knowing what you have lost….and desperately want back.
We are blessed to have had such a wonderful relationship with our husbands, which I realise isn’t always the case in some marriages, but that fact makes you feel even more sad when we wonder how to cope alone.
I hope you can take a tiny comfort, as I think I do, in knowing that we in this conversation feel similar (and in the same ‘boat’).
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Please don’t feel like this. Rob and I lived for each other, with each other for nearly 55 years after courting for 5 years. It is an absolute lifetime and I miss him so much. We do have a wonderful son and a wonderful daughter and they are major reasons and purpose to keep going. There are also grandchildren going through the grieving process for their beloved Grandad. Life for all of these fantastic family members would surely crumble again if I was lost too so I must go on, however painful and daunting the prospect is. I hope others have family members for which to carry on too xxx
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I couldn’t agree more. My kids have lost two fathers. I don’t want to put them through losing their mum as well. I don’t want them to have to deal with all the crap and pain that I am having to deal with now.
I just have to look at them to know why I must keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Onwards and upwards. Xx
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Hi @Sadjojo
I feel your pain and it’s so hard when you have been together for such a long time.
I understand.
But please try and seek out a new life and some help to manage all those difficult emotions you are feeling. It won’t be the same or anywhere as good, but your family need you - whether you think they do or not.
My mum just gave up when my dad died 7 years ago. She stopped going out, wouldn’t come and visit me, my siblings, or any of her grandkids as it was too painful for her, and she wouldn’t even try to do anything for herself. This caused friction in our family as my sisters started to do all her shopping and housework for her, even though she was very fit and healthy and able, but she was lonely and she just wanted to have her children around her.
I had young kids then but didn’t agree with this plan for her at all.
As she disengaged with everything her mood dropped and she became depressed. We got her help, support and medication but she refused it all and got rid of services, befrienders and grief counsellors.
She is now physically weak from lack of exercise, chronically lonely, even though my brother lives with her most of the time, and is completely stuck in her grief.
She has not been able to give me any support at all since my husband died and I really wish she could be there for me. Even at 52 I just wish my mum could give me a hug and tell me it will all be ok.
Sorry - this is a bit of a ramble, but I have seen first hand what being ‘stuck in your grief ‘ does to families and it is in some ways more heartbreaking than the loss. My dad lived into his 80s, had a great life and would be so upset at how she is now.
If nothing else, it has made me determined to never be that way, and I will keep trying each and every day to do the best I can, not give up, and make sure I am there for my kids no matter what. You never know when they will need you more than anything.
It’s hard and awful but we need to keep trying - don’t give up. We are all here to support you too.
Sending love and strength. Xxx
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I agree. It is too easy to give in. I refuse to let the Grim Reaper claim two lives, my husband’s was more than enough.
I wish with all my heart that it wasn’t so, but I have to get up, dust myself off and get on with it.
It’s not what I would choose, but I wasn’t given any choice.
Fingers up to the Grim Reaper, and the Happy Shopper!
Xx
.
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I am so grateful to be able to correspond, knowing that we feel so similar, and that we will manage to keep going for the sake of our families. The roller-coaster of anxieties will surely not last forever.
Wishing you happy times in between the sad ones xxx
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Such a shame to read about your mum. We all cope in different ways but my children and grandchildren all have their own problems and if I can help in any way I try to . I am still grieving and missing my husband, their dad and grandad 5 years on but try not to just think about myself . So sad you lost your husband too and yes we all need a hug from mum at times . So sad you aren’t getting that comfort . But yes a lesson learned . No matter we are grieving life goes on and families need to pull together . I thank God every day for mine 
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Hello Lorrainem it’s been 4 weeks today just in tragic motorcycle accident so try to get out of bed and you don’t want to be in the house so painful everywhere you look you see him and he left a huge gap in your life and try to eat just need to get some sleep and you will feel alone yes you will be scared for your future Lynda
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Hello Lorrainem just say would you keep in touch with me. So you chat to me any time of day and night. Lynda
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