When Jeremy died I followed his wishes and had a direct cremation. No service, no eulogy. His ashes were scattered in the rose beds at the local crematorium, as he wished, I did not attend.
There are no memorials, headstones, urns or benches.
He resides in my heart.
But I have just planted a tree in the garden. It is a purple magnolia tree. I can see it from the lounge and I think he would be happy with that.
Now I am all muddy, and he would laugh at that as well. But he would have washed the spade afterwards, I forgot that bit.
Xx
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How lovely to plant a tree in memory of your beloved husband that you will admire for many years to come and one day sit in its shade. My cousin did exactly the same, no service, no wake, no memorial. It was as he wanted. I found the funeral of my husband to be a benchmark in my grieving as in “ok, this part is done”. We may all suffer the same tragedy, but how we handle it is unique to each. I hope your tree will give you comfort as you tend to it and watch it grow. May peace be upon you.
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Thank you Peaches. My first husband was Roman Catholic, there were over 400 people at his funeral.
My second husband was a non-believer.
I am a Christian.
I respect everyone’s beliefs and customs.
I loved both of my husbands equally and dearly and hope to see them both when my time comes.
Peace be with you, too, and thank you.
Xx
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My husband wanted a funeral initially secular but then decided christian. Didn’t discuss what he wanted done with his ashes but I didn’t see the point of having a memorial somewhere that no one would visit. It’s not as though he is there but always with me. Had his ashes buried in the woodland walk at the crematorium. In my funeral plan my ashes are to be buried in the same spot. I think the idea of something as beautiful as a magnolia is wonderful.
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That’s a lovely thing to do.
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There was no funeral for my husband, he wanted his body to be donated to medical science. As you say he lives inside your heart. I had a tattoo of his name on my wrist. Been 5 months nearly, i miss him so much
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Jeremy carried a donor card. But it was not to be.
Xx
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He wasnt a donor, his body has gone for teaching purposes at the medical school. When the have fi ished, could be 3 years, they will create the remains and i will get the ashes. Sounds dreadful but it is what we both wanted
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Not dreadful at all. I would say it is very brave and generous. A friend of mine lost her husband and his wishes were the same.
She honoured his wishes and I think it is an admirable thing to do.
Xx
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My husband’s funeral reflected him and his wishes, including rock and roll music and a sit down dinner for 22, the exact number of diners for our wedding.
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That sounds lovely. I think the most important thing is that we honour their wishes, whatever they are.
Xx
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It is important to keep our word even when no one notices.
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My wife and myself agreed the same thing no service Whatever went first ashes would be kept and when the other went the ashes would be scattered together in the sea she passed away in February so i kept her wish I have bought a loverly rose bush and brass sign with her name
Dear Jane
I have just come across these posts
My Sam said he wanted a simple cremation
No fuss at all no service and the least upset for me.
He saw how I was when my mam passed away.
Dealing with service the people the food
I was a wreck.I couldn’t have done any of it
Without him.
He did want his ashes brought home to be back
In his home again and laughed and said put me
On the mantle piece.
I laughed back and said I will put you on the
Hearth.
That is where he is with some lovely candles
around him.
Some people thought it was terrible and I told
them they were his wishes.
This is an easy thing to agree to, but actually doing it is so hard.
What was done was for the both of us and not
for people turning up and never to be seen
Again.
He is here safe with me .I will never let him go.
This is what will happen to me and his ashes
go with me then, along with all our beloved
Pets ashes which we have lovingly kept down the years…
Love Doreen x
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Hello Jonah
That is lovely to always be together.
We will be like that my Sam and me together with all our wonderful loving pets down the years.
Doreen x
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My husband’s cremation/funeral took place under lockdown limitations with very few attending in person and others by video link.
Although he had a brain seiuzure which compounded his illness from cancer, he planned his funeral from poetry readings to music and where he wanted his ashes scattered.
Around a year later, I had a memorial plaque made and placed in the crematorium gardens.
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I too had a simple cremation for my husband, he always said he didn’t care what I did as he wouldn’t know. Like you, I know he would never have wanted me to have all the stress of organising his funeral. We did get together as a family on the morning of his cremation as the funeral director did give us the day and time, all the family who loved him and he loved. Now he is home with me and we’ll go together somewhere nice when my time comes.
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Hi
That sounds perfect.
We didn’t have a get together not a big family
I think I might have something on his anniversary but I will have to see how I feel
Love Doreen x
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My husband asked to see the undertaker the week before he died and made all his own arrangements, he was thoughtful right to the end and wanted to Dave me the trauma of doing it. I thought it was very brave of him.
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After Norman’s death I had his brother here to help and he had told me what he wanted. The funeral director was brilliant. They organised me registering the death. Picked me up in a car and put my mobility scooter in the back and the driver made sure I could negotiate the lift etc. They could not have been more helpful.
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