I want to scream!

… at people telling me to be stay positive and grateful for the time we had… I am in a private hell so positivity and gratitude are the last things I am feeling!

Would they say this to someone who had been robbed or attacked or lost their life savings in a card game?
So for pity sake why do people say it to someone whose husband was here one minute and gone the next after 41 years…?

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The sad reality is until these people have experienced a loss like ours they really don’t have a clue do they.
I seem to spend a lot of time holding it all together and then it catches up with me. I have spent today crying and if not crying, my eyes are heavy with unshed tears.

Another exhausting day because yet again I feel I can’t share these emotions with people who just don’t understand ……. Lucky them!!

Dee xx

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Oh I feel just the same people just haven’t got a clue I never show them how I feel because they really don’t understand and some days are much harder than others why do I cry more now up one day down the next he’s been gone 2 years and god help me I’m never going to hold his hand see him smile kiss him hear his voice ever again it’s very hard after 50 yrs together trying to carve out a new life I’m so glad to have found this site thanks for listening xx

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Hello @Liz7
50 years is a long time, so sorry you are in so much pain. There is no time limit on grieving, it must still feel raw for you after so many years together. It’s been 9 months for me and it’s very hard without my Marti, 27 years together and I remember the first day we met and we both knew we would be together forever, but sadly that wasn’t to be, he caught COVID over Xmas. I miss his sparkly eyes and cheeky face, he was full of life and I adored him. It’s so difficult as people say keep busy, which I do, but I’m in pain everyday and so lonely as people don’t understand the deep despair and sadness I endure everyday and all day.
People don’t understand unless they have loss their soulmate, it’s the most heart breaking time of our lives to lose the most important person we had in our life. I’m so glad to post on here as people are kind and understand us. Don’t be hard on yourself that your struggling, you clearly adored your husband, you was married for a very long time.
Amy xx

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Hello Dee64
That’s the strange thing… Some of them who say this, have lost a life long partner, albeit 6 or 7 years ago
Maybe some people are just more positive and stronger than others… I dont know…
My heart goes out to you regarding trying to hold things together, and then it all catches up with you. I find the evenings are the worst for me… I hope you continue to find some sort of comfort in this site which I have found invaluable… Xxx

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Hello Liz7
My heart goes out to you.
50 years is a massive part of your life and you have voiced the very thing that alot of people don’t seem to get… That the heartbreaking part is knowing that you will never phisically see your loved one, or hear their voice again…
It is heartbreaking…
Thank you for replying to my post…

Amy words cant truly desrible how you must be feeling. When you described Martis cheeky smile and sparkling eyes it reminded me so much of my husband who didn’t catch Covid, but the Lockdown played a huge part in his decline in health… and I have anger issues because of it… We too also had that ‘love at first sight’ day of meeting… and now I feel as though a huge part of myself has been ripped away… Nobody understands that pain unless it has happened to them…xx

Thank you Amy 49 your words meant a lot to me thank goodness for this site xx

I totally agree with you,remember the good times they say,that only makes it worse.I wanted more good times with my special lady but was robbed of that by cancer and covid by shutting down cancer treatment for her.I am very angry to lose her in this way as are many others .Funeral today,another ordeal to face.

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My thoughts are with you today.
No words will make the day easier but we are all here fir you xx

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@Mickeyboy31
My thoughts are with you, sending you hugs.
Amy xx

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Need lots of hugs Amy49.

Thank you Dee64,how on earth does life go on for us now that we are alone.Michael.

I wish I knew the answer to that question, my head is down as I move forward in any given day, to frightened to look up and see what the future looks like.
I wonder if I will ever feel joy or happiness again. Everyday tasks are even a bide, there is no pleasure in anything at the moment. Not even waking up of a morning …… the future does look endless

Take care

Dee xx

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Mickeyboy…I totally understand your anger. I felt the same, and feel so angry about the repercussions of the last 3 month Lockdown which delayed treatment for my husband and sent him into a deep depression. I know that Covid is real, and dangerous, but so are other illnesses.
All we can do is put one foot slowly in front of the other…
I am grateful for this site whereby you can voice how you feel and not be judged.

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If only she had been seen sooner the cancer might have been stopped before it got to stage 4,a major 6 hour operation ,chemo for weeks on end ,watching her suffer like that was killing me inside.She went to hospital again at the beginning of August and was admitted ,she never came home again,never saw her beloved garden ,her beloved bungalow again.I have left her room and belongings as they were that day.Cannot bear to move anything and never will.Love her so much and miss her even more.Michael.

My biggest regret was not insisting that Martin went to A & E when he first felt unwell. I believe it could have made a difference. But he was so frightened of covid and always believed that a hospital was a sure area to catch it :pleading_face::broken_heart:

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You are so right,some people are so insensitive.This living nightmare will happen to them one day and then they will realise how devastating it is.You just cannot function without your beloved partner.It has only been 3 weeks for me but I can see a bleak future ahead from what I am reading on here.Michael.

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Thanks Sheila

It is so sad when friendships that you have built up invested in over the years turn out to be so unsupportive… I lost my husband suddenly 6 weeks ago, and getting messages saying that they hope I am having a lovely weekend!?!.. and talking as though nothing has happened…
I find the insensivity totally ncomprehensible.
My inner circle of friends is getting smaller

I

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I’ve just read your post and you have said everything I’ve been feeling for quite a while thank you I’m not alone with these thoughts thank goodness for this site thanks for listening xx

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