Hi all, just wondering if anyone has ideas on how to deal with grief. Practical ones that we could share here. In one of the podcasts I listened someone suggested writing daily diary for first year, include good, bad, anything that comes. Then after a year you are supposed to burn it and say goodbye and let go of all those feelings. Anyone thinking of doing something like this? xx
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I started writing in a note book initially as a journal but I also write letters to Mam telling her about day to day stuff and having a rant as whenever I was upset or angry about anything, my mam was the first port of call, I really miss that .
The point is I actually do think this helps to get thoughts out of your head. The only thing I can’t imagine is burning it after a year.
I think an example of this is when I wrote about my dad at his funeral about 7 years ago, I kept that note but haven’t ever read it since, but knowing it’s there is comforting some how.
Hope this helps 
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Hi @Ola13,
I first started writing a personal Diary in my early teens after a bad trauma, & have written one ever since, so when my baby passed in 2007, & after my mom passed in April 2021, I was already in the habit, & I can say it is something I have found very helpful, & therapeutic for many years. I write everything in my diary, good & bad, how much I miss them, days when I cry, days when I smile at thoughts or memories, dreams/nightmares, sometimes when I’m going through personal circumstances, I write what mom would of said if she were here, just everything.
My first thought is a constructive outlet for how you feel, it’s helpful to talk to people, like on this forum, who understand because we’re all going through grief in our own way, if you have friends, siblings or relatives who also knew the person that has passed, I think it can help to talk, & sometimes remember your loved one with them. Sometimes counciling can help you explore those feelings & what they mean to you.
I Write a letter to my loved one, with what I would like to say to them.
I know some people speak to their loved one, or a picture of them.
Sometimes going for walks, just to get some time out can help.
Hope this helps.
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I can’t imagine burning it either, even if I’ll never read it again. But I do think it’s good to write things down, as you say, to get them out of your head, and I write down my thoughts most days now.
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I think the burning is meant to be cleansi g and letting go in order to move on. Not sure if I would have done it either x
I did for the first year wrote a diary. Think it helped to write down the feelings. I didnt do the burning but that cuz i wrote mine on a diary on my phone. One day i just stopped goin on it and writting. I would say it helped me at the time. So in a way was good.
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Yes I can understand the meaning but burning is a step too far 
More recently I’ve been reading “overcoming grief” by Sue Morris, while working through it, I have started a recorded bereavement Diary on my phone, it helps me put my thoughts in order while I’m working through the book.
I’ve also made a playlist of songs, depending on my mood, when I’m in full on grieving, or “I miss mom” mode, I have Bowling for soup - Turbulence, Skillet - Watching for comets, Ed Sheeran - I’m a mess, Faith Hill - There you’ll be, Daniel O’Donnell - special absent friends, from the musical wicked- for good, Bette Midler - wind beneath my wings, Avril Lavigne - when you’re gone, Rascal Flatts - when the sand runs out, … To be honest the list goes on & on, but I find it helps to listen to music that matches my mood.
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I got that book today on kindle, I’ve only read the sample, but I think its going to be a help. For some reason I can’t listen to music or watch tv at the moment, maybe I’m avoiding triggers, who knows
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I relate to you @Pixiecat , I am finding listening to music really hard. Four weeks since Dad died, only just over a week since his funeral.
@Ola13 : I asked a few friends for recommendations of really safe TV shows and films, and it is good to have a little bank of them ready. I’m struggling to watch TV but it’s comforting to know that a trusted person has watched the show and has given the thumbs up that it doesn’t have anything that will shock or upset me in it. I put the TV on when I can to try to distract myself.
I’ve been reading a lot about grief, perhaps a reassurance of seeing people further down their journeys than I am and still surviving it all. Cariad Lloyd’s book You Are Not Alone is excellent and I would recommend.
I am so sorry for your loss, the pain is like nothing else. Keep chatting on here, we all know the pain of losing a loved one.
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@Pixiecat I can relate to tv and music. I just can’t listen to music and finding it difficult to focus enough on films… just having news channel as background noise…
In the gym yesterday there was a weird mix of songs and the only ones I didn’t mind were the heavy metal ones, which I wouldn’t ordinarily care for. I really don’t like music any more. It just makes me cry.
Films are terrible. For whatever reason, most of them seem to have parental death in them.
We’ve been sticking to animal/travel documentaries and quiz shows, really.
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Hi all,
Have bought this today. Will try to write something today although I’m sure it will make me cry.
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I started my journal today. I backdated it to 19 December when I last spoke to mum. Because I want to be able to remember it all. I thought it would make me cry but I’m managing to record all events calmly. I think its working.
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Well done. I hope it helps you 
. I’ve yet to buy one.
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I bought my mum a diary for Christmas but she never got the chance to use it so I’m using it instead to write what I’m thinking and what I’m doing like I would if I was talking to mum. Not much has gone well this year, mum died on 14 January, my cat had her teeth out last week and then had to have an eye removed this week and that’s only 2 months of the year gone by. Hoping times will improve xx
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@Victoria22 I think its going to ba difficult year for all of us. I’m taking each day as it is. I watched quite a few videos on youtube about grief and mourning and I’m reassured that what I’m feeling and thinking is normal. I hope writing your journal will help you. Sending warm hugs xx
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Hi @Victoria22
I lost my mam on 15th January, so I feel you’re pain, it feels never ending 
How’s your cat doing today, hopefully she’ll bounce back to health with all the love you will shower her with xx
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My cat seems to be dealing with things better than me although she is bumping into things on her eyeless side but I’m sure she will get used to it. It was awful on Monday when she had the op, the vet phoned to say there was a complication and asked whether to go ahead or put her to sleep giving me 5 minutes to decide. I couldn’t face letting her go and went ahead with the op, glad I did as she survived. It’s the sort of time you wish your parents were still around to help make decisions. Thanks for asking. xx
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Hiya @Victoria22
I’m actually smiling again I’m so happy for you and your cat, the pressure must have been tortuous. Sending you both big hugs 
please keep posting xx
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