If only Heaven Had A Phone (Poem)

A beautiful poem from the Grief Toolbox

I still talk to you when I’m alone, oh if only Heaven had a phone.
I still talk to you silently in my mind, as I sense that our thoughts are still aligned.
Sometimes I talk to you out loud,
I will say I love and miss you as my grief gathers like gloom filled clouds.
I find myself looking up to the sky, I ask are you there, can you see and hear me from way up high.
I cry out to you in times of crisis,
I ask why and shout please help me, this is so hard for me you see.
Sometimes I replay a memory in a moment and say sorry for things that make me feel torment.
I like to share my experiences with you and tell you about my day.
I ask your advice about whether you would have done things a different way.
I’m lonely, sad and miss you in all that I do, so it helps me to talk to you.
Sometimes I ring your phone, it helps me to hear your voices comforting tone.
Oh, if only Heaven had a phone then you could answer me when I feel so alone.
I still post on your Facebook page so that you know you’re remembered at every stage.
I write your letters and cards that I read out to you, simple words, but they are all so true.
I pray out loud to you and ask for the strength to continue.
I talk to you because I carry you with me in all that I do.
I hope you hear me say “I love you”.


What beautiful and so truthful words you collated and thank you for sharing what I do too, together with wishing like you that heaven did had a phone.
Take care sad2
Derv x

1 Like

Thank you Derv, glad you enjoyed reading it as much as I did. Another one for my Memory Box.
I wish more than anything that I could hear his voice again. I talk to him all the time and hope that he can hear me and knows how much I miss him.
Since this Covid wrecked a lot of our lives, the world we live in is a horrible hell of endless suffering.

You take care too.
Joan x


That is a lovely poem, i saw this on a heart shaped stone in the local cemetery, IN LOVING MEMORY
May be they are not stars but openings in heaven where our loved ones shine through to let us know they are happy. I keep looking at the stars even more now . Patxx

1 Like

I look up to the sky every night for a star to say goodnight to my Alan. Saw one twinkling last night, the first one I’ve seen for ages. Hope it was him. There has to be one up there for all of us.
Joan x

1 Like

Hi Joan
Iv kept my late wife’s mobile line live for many reasons, and do time to time call my self from it just to see her name come up although I still feel her presence all around me. Still feels like yesterday she was by my side and its coming up to five months on Saturday since my beloveds passed.

You keep looking up at them stars, and even when you don’t see one, remember that he always sees you.
Take good care of your self Joan. xx

1 Like

Hi Derv
So sorry for the loss of your lovely wife.
I keep looking at my mobile phone waiting for his name to come up on an incoming call. How I wish I had kept some of his “I Love You” voicemail messages that I could listen to now. ​I still can’t believe I’ll never speak to him or see him again. Since he died, I’ve sent him e-mails telling him how much I love him and miss him, and loving poems that I come across too. How I wish I could tell him myself, and to be able to feel his arms around me again.
Who would ever have thought we would be living in the hell we are in now? I won’t give up looking at the stars, because he must be up there watching down. I just hope he’s not as lonely as I am.
You take care too.
Joan xx

1 Like

Awww Joan, my condolances to you to.
All of this only adds up to one thing in how much we miss them in being with us and by our sides. Every time I read something that she wrote brings her back to life with in me, as if I can hear her voice. Your husband my wife were and are our soul mates and its like a piece of us is missing and the only form of contact are our life long memories. But like you say, only if if there was a way. I feel that we all do have so much in common in so many different forms of aspects, it’s just so unreal.
I still do out of nowhere break down and cry. I long for everything about her in who she was, what she stood for, the person she was and the only person who ever got to really know me for who I am.

May their souls be in pease and in some way give us the strength in being able to cope with these thoughts, feelings and crazy emotions we are going through.

Derv xx

1 Like

Hi Derv. I look at his photos every morning and give him a kiss. Seeing his face makes it all so unreal that he’s no longer here with me. Just the thought of him makes me cry (which is nearly every day). I can’t bear not being with him ever again, and hate the loneliness. I talk to him and call his name out loud.
I know it may sound silly, but I have a battery air freshener dispenser that I bought several weeks ago and every time I go into the bedroom it makes a little noise and sprays, I just say “yes Alan, I know it’s you”. It gives me a little comfort to think it is. Yes, I’m daft, but live in hope!
When he was taken in to hospital, I prayed and prayed and even bargained with God that he take me instead. What did I do so wrong that someone so good who I loved so much was taken from me?
Joan xx

1 Like

Hi again Joan.
Iv only just read what you posted, Im no expert but I can say that you haven’t done anything wrong, please don’t feel like that.
I did to say the same thing once before to my sister and she came down on me like a ton of bricks in giving me a good shake up. She’s the only person that will ever understand me and in knowing what Im going through because she’s been though this journey and still is as she had lost two sons and our dad within the space of five years back in 2001.
She still gets signs and all sorts which always brings a smile to her. You will find with time that a lot of things will bring you comfort and sadness too, and as time goes we just start to deal with the emotions differently.
Some times I feel stronger within when it gets to me, but to be honest I am so heartbroken within me that I do wonder if I can handle or deal with it at times.

Joan, please don’t add guilt to what you are going through because the sorrow is hard enough on its own to deal with.
As always, take care
Derv xx

1 Like

Hi Derv.
Thank you for your much appreciated reply.
So sad to hear of your sister’s great loss. I hope she has found a bit of peace and happiness again.
It’s nice to know she is there for you and helping you through your bad times. We all need a shoulder to cry on. I also hope that in time you find some much deserved happiness. Something I wish for all of us on here.
How I wish I could be with Alan again now, At the moment I can’t see much of a future other than just merely existing and going through the motions of a daily life without any interest in anything, or myself sometimes. The loneliness just hits me day and night and I feel so lost. It’s coming up to 10 weeks and not a day has gone by that I haven’t cried and I find myself crying over the smallest of things. Happy memories of the past are just sad memories now. I long for the day I can remember the good times and smile again. At the moment I can’t see too much happiness ahead. Reading the posts on here, people are still grieving years after their loss. I can’t bear the thought of continually feeling like this with no let up.
Now, another day of hertache to get through.
Take care.
Joan xx

1 Like

Hi Joan
So sorry for your loss
I ‘m here reading your posts and am all choked up.

I am slowly coming to accept it all. Difficult as it is.
My husband had a heart attack with me next to him
Paramedics came and took him away and that was it
No good byes it was all so sudden
I know there is no more pain where he is
he is resting in peace.
So cliche but true.
Be encouraged.
It helped me.
If you know Jesus that’s an incredible help for me
In every way…
Gary 54

Hi Gary 54
Sorry for the loss of your dear husband and that you didn’t get to say goodbye.
I never got the chance either. I spoke to Alan on my last virtual visit, but he was not able to answer me. I kept telling him he had to fight this Covid and come home. He died the next day and I never got the chance to tell him just how much I loved him.
All I do now is walk around and shout it out to him and hope and pray he knows and can hear me.
It’s so hard to come to terms with the loss of someone you loved so much. Life is never going to be the same again, and I can’t think of my future without him. I’d give anything to have him back.

1 Like

Hi Joan
Thank you for your timely reply
What I have learned is to try to live without regret
It’s not easy but try to look over it as something that just happened.
I agree it’s more than a bad time it’s horrific with all the what if’s.
Try to be at peace with yourself.
Your husband is at peace.
I am realizing that I am molding back into how I was before I met Gary, my old self. That’s ok.
We will all change after such an ordeal.
But we will and will get over this heart ache little by little.
It does not mean that because we get over this ordeal that we think less if it. We just learn how to cope.
I know my Gary would want me to be calm and get through this. So I am trying my best to please him
These are just some of the ways that I am coping
I also know the Lord Jesus. My savior.
Gary 54

Hi Gary 54.
Thank you for your heart warming reply and kind words of comfort.
Hopefully, I can eventually be in the same place of peace and calm that you have found.

1 Like

Hi Joan
Everyone heals at a different pace but we all feel the same emotions, mostly the same. On reading these messages I see that there are many many similarities.
(The big differences are that everyone is different with a different spirit)
We all miss our spouse and we all want them back
We mostly all try to hold on to their belongings
To keep things etc.
Making jewelry is popular now with their ashes.
I try not to be obsessed with this whole thing. Many people feel cheated of their married life and how it’s been torn apart. I did for a while. But I know in my heart
he is safe in the arms off God and I will see him again, but not as my husband. (A heavenly being) That’s the best I got, so I will take it. We will recognize each other too and that’s a lot for me to take in. I am just going with this that it’s true God does not lie.
Be kind to yourself
It will work out

1 Like

I wish I could see him just one more time to tell him I love him, but I know that’s impossible and I’ll never hear his voice again. I can’t understand how someone so preious had to die.
I just want and need him back in my life,
The heartache and tears are wearing me out.

Dear Joan

Every word and sentence that I have read of what Gary54 had wrote to you is ever so true and so gently refined.

I too like everybody wished that I could see my beloved one more time to tell her how much I loved her again although I was fortunate to do so as she slept away peacefully beside me. I prayed like Iv never prayed before to God in wanting her to come to me in my dream so that I could say the words I love you once again.
The next day I fell asleep in the afternoon for a few hours and God answered my prayers for me to do so. It was as if I had a whole day with her, holding, cuddling, walking hand in hand and being able to tell her that I love her so much, with her replying , I KNOW with a smile in her eyes and cheeks. 3/4 days in a row this went on for with the dreams getting shorter each time. I would not know where to start with the emotions that came with it afterwards.

Have faith Joan as I really pray and hope that you too receive from God some form of enlightenment real soon.
take care
Derv xx

1 Like

Hi Derv
Sorry for your loss.
God definitely has His hand on you.
You are truly blessed to get your dream with your beloved.
It is so wonderful that our God is so faithful
Blessings for you and new beginnings

Hi Gary
Sorry for your lose to, and thank you for your kind thoughts and words, and may God have blessings for all of us for now and in time to come.
Take care x