I am so there. Colin we scattered in the garden, a garden he loved, especially cutting the lawn…him and that bloody mower that he said was old but GOOOOD as he put it.
We have fathers day coming up which is another first. The children…Jesus…i know how hard this day will be wìth losing my dad. They were so close to him. Football games he went to. Grandchildren he played with. Ferrero Rocher he was bought by them on fathers day. For me, it’s 34 years. He still has some of these in the fridge from last years father day that Simon(his son) wants me not to through out which again is a constant reminder…not that i need reminding. It is so good to talk to you guys…x
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18months since i unexpectedly lost my lovely hubby he died at age 59 heartatack i found him dead at side of our bed we have been together since age of 17 , paramedics put him back into our bed until funeral directors came to collect him 7 hours later ! he looked as if he was sleeping its heartbreaking i layed at side of him stroking his head and talking to him grief is such a painful lonely place iknow if it wasnt for leaving my kids grandkids i would have joined him by now , sometimes i think would it be easier to cope with to move houses then i think how could i so many lovely memories in this house with my hubby and kids / Grandkids
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Oh love, love, love, i am sending a huge hug. I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling.
My children, grandchildren and mum are keeping me from joining him i know that to be true.
We moved last April from a house we had raised the children in to this new place where we did make a few memories. He built the patio which i sit having a morning coffee on and think about him before going to work. He did put his stamp on it, but July that year, gone. I sometimes wish we had stayed with the memories house but he did love this one so, he had so many plans which i am trying to complete. I take one day at a time, that is all we can do. I am sending a virtual hand hold. We can do this. Xxx
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Oh Tina I’m so sorry. I had exactly the same experience 7 weeks ago. My partner collapsed and died suddenly. The paramedics left him on the floor and like you for 6.5 hours I lay with him, with my head on his chest like I would have done in bed. I knew it was the last time I could do this. I’m heartbroken and struggling to come to terms with life without him.
I can’t bear the thought of moving as we had just got the house as we wanted and he had done so much. I find it a comfort that all his work and things are in this house. I can’t ever imagine moving anything. I hope you find it a comfort that you are in a place you chose together for the next stage of your life, even though that didn’t turn out as you had planned. Lots of love xx
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Thankyou sending you a big hug yeah dont think id be able to move house too many memories and i do feel close to him ere , its good to sit on patio your husband made and go down memory lane i do same in my garden , i used to spend alot of time doing garden but now i just quick grass cut i just carnt get l motervated since i lost my hubby , everything seems pointless now …but i am trying got my 4th Grandchild due to be born in 5 weeks which im looking forward to but at sametime iknow ill feel emotional that hes not ere to share the joys xxx
Nicky. I lost my husband in 2022 to dementia and a mild heart condition. He was in a care home for 4 months. we were married for 54 years so my situation is different from yours and I know I am lucky to have had a long marriage and happy in spite of ups and downs of life. But I am totally devastated and see no purpose in life. As everyone else says on here it is a terrible struggle to keep going on. I myself don’t feel any better than when he first died. in some ways I feel worse as at first i had a sense of relief that he was no longer in such a bad undignified state. because dementia robs the person suffering with it of all their dignity and cause such anguish for the ones watching the decline. I send you my sympathy and I think that as you are younger than me you will one day feel more able to cope.
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You are very welcome. A hug goes a long way. It is good to sit in the mornings, i feel close to him when i do. I think the garden has saved some of my sanity to be honest. Lose myself in it and because he has been scattered here, i feel he is with me. Congratulations about your grandchild. I have a belief that our husbands see everything and know everything, if you believe in this then think…he has seen his grandchild already and is sending kisses and hugs from him to you which the baby will deliver when he/she first does it. I like to think that way, it helps.
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Thankyou so much 7 weeks bless you each day is a challenge for us we just got to take one day at a time love , unless its happened to people losing a partner they dont know how painful the grief and loss feels i find my friends seem to think i should be over it by now that im doom and gloom when i get upset in front of them ,one friend whos been there 100% at the begining now seems to have backed off she said only you can deal with your own grief iknow this probably true but now if i talk about how im feeling she shuts me down by not talking about it and changes subject , im on waiting list for grief counseling
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Sending a very big hug,
Rose xx
Mirrired where a friend is concerned. There everyday at the beginning and she was one of the group we went out on the motor bikes with. She is married to his childhood friend who i have not seen since the funeral so confirmation that friends become strangers and strangers become friends. I know they feel their own grief but they still have their partners so no, they cannot emphasise, they cannot stay the distance. Whatever you are feeling, write it here, get it out. It doesnt matter if you think, it doesn’t seem not to make sense…we will understand every word. We are there with you. Hugs. Nicky xx
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I really hope so. The impact of having someone who has been there for you through the ups and downs. Gathered memories and been on adventures together, seen your children grow and carry on being the people you have both helped to develop to be strong independent adults is so ground shattering it is beyond words. You can know, be with, and love that person for a short or a long part of your life, the grief is just as strong as i have read here and i wish i could help ease the pain somehow for all of us. All we can do is keep talking, cry, scream, break things if it makes you feel better (just dont break things that will add to the pain) 
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I feel sometimes that I’m losing the connection with my wife. It’s understandable I suppose that the extreme level of grief cannot be maintained for ever otherwise we’d go mad. But the inevitable lessening day by day of her felt presence here, the no longer need to visit her in the care home, well, it just feels wrong somehow.
I ought to be able to feel so close to her as I did a year ago but photos and little videos of her don’t replace holding her and saying to her face I love you so much.
When they’re gone it’s so final. I know that’s obvious but until you experience it yourself you never really have clue how it feels and what a scary place bereavement is.
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It doesn’t sound like you will ever lose the connection with your wife as you are so much wanting to keep it.
Perhaps just the pain is lessening a bit, that is what needs to happen in order for us to manage to live a life we don’t want.
I’m only 3 months in but I still find it unbelievable that I will never see my husband again. And the finality of that thought is so mindblowing I wonder how I will manage to keep going.
Allow yourself some peace from all the pain you’ve been going through - it think it just means we move to another phase of grief really. Take care xx
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I am experiencing that, too. It feels like i am in a tunnel. Colin is there behind me, but when i turn around, he is walking a little slower . It’s like…have you ever had the dream where you are running down a corridor and the door at the end seems to be harder to reach? That’s how it feels. I am surrounding myself with photos and i watch all the videos i have and when i do, i say…“There you are” Am i finally going round the pipe, will i be needing the men in white coats? It is confusing that some days i pass his photos and say…“morning Col” an̈d go about my day but most days i see his photo on the cabinet or wall or fridge and the pain is so physical it takes my legs from under me.
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I talk to my husband’s photo every day as i lift it up to dust i kiss his photo , some days im doing ok some days im a sobbing wreck ,i tell my self to try to focus on what we had how lucky we was to have been
happily married all these yrs, some days i feel angry that im left behind for 18 months ive been wishing he had took me with him … but now ive had a scare problem with my air flow and something in my lungs etc now im thinking please let me be ok to see my my grandkids grow up and be ere for my kids
I haven’t gotten there yet, i am still in the selfish stage where i don’t care about anything here, i just want to be held by him again and hear him say…“I’ve got you”.
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The only thing that is getting me up in the morning is being furious this has happened.
Anger is better than despair on the self care chart … apparently
Your last sentence just summed it all up for me .
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So very scarey. I was so in control personally, emotionally, in control of my career. They are all mixed. I have always compartmentalised my life…a bit of control freak if i am honest . No, i would class myself as a woman who is unsure about everything, i feel like a tangled necklace chain. The more i tried to unravel it, the tighter the knots get.
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That is such a good description- I was happy, organised and what I thought was in control. But I couldn’t control the most important thing which was my husband getting sick out of his time.
Now I struggle to get anything done but am trying just to accept that that’s how it is at the moment. I am trying hard to be kind to myself - and accept that my emotions are all over the place.
Hopefully time will help ??? Xx