Couldn’t agree more with you both. I was happy , independent and organised. Now a trip to Tesco leaves me feeling bewildered. And if anything doesn’t go as planned I’m in a panic. Previously I’d have just brushed it off. I keep starting things then can’t seem to get them finished or even worse, forget I’d started them in the first place. I hope this is just a passing phase. Love to you all xx
2 Likes
I haven’t been to a large supermarket since Colin. I can’t walk down the isles there because the things i would see are the things we used to buy on a weekly shop, things Colin picked up and put in the cart that he thought i wouldn’t see.
I probably live on £20 of shopping from the local co op, that includes cat food for Brian who eats his own weight in food. Oh and COFFEE!!!
4 Likes
I understand.
When I had to get shopping after my husband died, I went to a local shop that we had not used. It was difficult especially, like you, when I would see something he really like but at least I didn’t have memories of shopping there with him.
Sending a big hug for you and one for Brian xx
1 Like
Nicky find something to do, he wouldn’t want you to have these thoughts. I have joined a Probus club and now I’m going to join the University of the 3rd Age(its not a crackpot organisation). I also volunteer at a local museum. When the sadness comes over you think of the good things you used to do together, have a cry, do not bottle things in, take carexxx
I find it’s impossible to visit places we used to go to especially those when Bridget was suffering with dementia before she was placed in a care home. I know it’ll take loads of time to get over this but I’m in no rush, I think I’ll know when it’s okay.
It’s bad enough remembering all the bad times I had to cope ( or didn’t) with her dementia but towards the end we had a friendly relationship of sorts. I miss tremendously going to the home to see her and give care for her. I have all this time now and she isn’t here to share.
I just wake up hoping that this day will be fairly okay without too much heartache. And we get through the days, don’t we somehow. Baby steps. It’s all we can do, there isn’t a choice.
2 Likes
@nicky1961 I lost my husband nearly 18 months ago suddenly and unexpectedly. He was 53 years old. Time is not a healer, time helps you live with the grief and helps you function better, to do things and to move forward like swimming in calm waters, some days choppy, other days you will get massive waves which will trigger you. It is still very early days for you and you are going to go through all of these emotions. I found the hardest emotion was guilt, feeling guilty that I couldn’t saved my husband and not noticing that he had lost weight and was ill. Not been able to say I love you, having no closure. Only yesterday I was telling my husband off for leaving me then I feel guilty as I know that he never wanted to leave me as we had so much to look forward too. Life is just unfair and cruel and we can’t control what has happened to our love ones. I find crying and screaming helps me and keeping busy. I also found this group a life saver and met some lovely friends on here and have just been on a trip to benidorm with them. There were plenty of tears and also a lot of laughter.
Everyone grief is unique to them and so is everyone journey. Take one step at a time, one hour at a time. Take care and big hugs xx
2 Likes
Brian great name for a cat !
Mine is called Comet.
I order from Deliveroo don’t even have to go out then
1 Like
I’m so sorry to hear how bad you are feeling. I came on here now because I’m having a very bad day. I miss my husband so much. He died so suddenly at work so we didn’t get to talk about anything. There is so much i want to talk to him about and i never will be able too. Some days i can cope but others i wonder why i bother going on.
If it wasn’t for my son and grandchildren i I don’t think there would be any point.
I think this forum is so helpful. I feel it is the only place i can say how i really feel and know that others understand what its like.
Xx
2 Likes
This forum is so good. You can speak your mind, put down your thought and there is no judgement. Understanding, empathy, help with understanding your feelings at that moment are found here. It has been my lifeline to be honest. I dont feel like a lepper here just someone who has questions that need answering or just the lend of an ear or two.
4 Likes
Thats how i feel too. No one is judging you and everyone is kind.
Sending love xx
1 Like
Thank you. I am trying to take a day at a time but sometimes the waves are so high, i can’t see over them and it feels like there are sharks in these waves just waiting for me to let go.
We have just had a thunder storm and the sky is beautiful with a double rainbow. These moments make me want to take my camera out again and capture the colours but then guilt hits me for enjoying a moment that he cannot.
4 Likes
So true Hazel1966 18 months for me too its so hard , my friends still got husband’s we used to go on holday as couples but no more ,
2 Likes
Big hug.
It is difficult xx
Isn’t it just awful the way your mind plays tricks. I’m sitting here quietly looking out through the patio glass doors into the garden and I imagine my wife suddenly appears at the window looking at me. The photos of her reinforce this as I look at them and then through the window once more.
It’s a longing for everything to be as it was. For her to appear again, to be real. I know in my heart she’s dead but my mind is so filled with years of her company that I can almost touch her once more.
This grief is not nice at all. Just when I feel things are improving something, a memory, a feeling so strong, brings me down again. I want so much for that face at the window to be her, to say hello again, to become busy in the house again.
4 Likes
My lovely wonderful husband died 15 weeks ago today.
Each Sunday since, I have placed an online message for family and friends about him.
I always include a photo.
Each photo makes me cry when I look at it and post it. Today is the same.
I also explain how I feel.
They get varying amounts of acknowledgment. As today is Fathers Day, who knows who will respond.
Today I have posted it earlier than usual.
I had been posting at the time in the afternoon when he was declared dead.
This was really, really hurting me.
So I am going to see if this helps at all.
I am still wrecked by his death.
I still love him and always will.
He is still the love of my life.
Thank you for letting me share,
Rose xx
2 Likes
Where do you post it hun? It will be a year for Colin on 21st July. That is my posting day. I don’t post on Facebook or anyother media website. I will post on here where people will look and hear my words instead on flicking through and forgetting. It would be lovely to see what your man looked like. Putting faces to names brings them to the here and now i feel plus when you talk about him, it will bring his personality through. I hope you will think about it but if that would be too hard…i completely understand. Hugs. Nicky
1 Like
Igo to spiritual church on sunday evening it gives me bit of comfort when messengers come through im a big beliver in it as the medium stood on the rostrum description of my husband is so true , ive been struggling with my breahing , coughing for couple of months now 2 weeks ago they told me message from spirit to go to the Doctors because im thinking its my Ashma they said its not anyway i had to see Doctor regarding another problem i told dr about me struggling sent me for chest xray turns out chest xrays shows problem with my lung partly collapsed , its not for everyone but i like to go
1 Like
It is so hard to look at photos, i am the same but to have that vivid image come to you through the glasse is beautiful. I am not a religious person but i am leaning towards there is something after this. We are too complicated for it just to end when our hearts stop so i am opening my mind to something else, somewhere else where we go and wait for the people we have left behind to join us again. Maybe when we see images like that, you could think that she has come for a visit and wants to see you as much as you do her. I know it is not the same but i think it is beautiful.
2 Likes
On Facebook but just for a selected few!
In a way, like on here.
Sadly, the selected ones are not few and were forced into this group that nobody wants to join.
Sending love and hugs,
Rose xx
