Its been 9 months now since i lost my partner and i really did love him he meant everything to me. I miss him every single day. I was with him 24 years and ive got two children. Im feeling really lonely. Is it normal, is it wrong for me to be thinking that i want someone else in my life. I just miss having someone to talk to, snuggle with ,have fun with and love me like my late partner did. I know my children specially my boy needs a male figure in there life. Please tell me if its to soon im i normal to be even thinking this is it wrong.
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Kcg, Every one is different, that is good because if we were all the same life would be boring. I lost my Darling wife of 52 years in April 2024. I miss female company because ladies think differently to men. It makes chatting with them a different experience. So it must be the same the other way round. I want ladies in my life and I am a fair bit older than you. i will always love my wife and always miss her. I am sure she want me to enjoy what life I have left. I am not ready for romance, but if you are and you meet someone who you like why not spend time with them and see how it goes. I remember Elsie a very conservative lady on our work group. She had lost her husband a couple of years before, she used to go dancing with her husband and took it up again. She got a new dance partner and after a while she shocked us by saying " sometimes he stopped over, but I am not moving out of my house." We all said Good for you Elsie. because she was enjoying life again. So if it is right for you and you meet someone, great, Just take your time.
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So sorry for your loss. I lost my wife Jackie 17 weeks ago and I had been with her since 1965. We would have been married 58 years this September. I hate the loneliness and even at my very mature age, I want someone else to share what remains of my life, if nothing else for companionship. I will love Jackie always and forever, but I know loneliness will bring a quicker end to my life.
Both your children and you will benefit from having the right person in your life, so itās normal and certainly not wrong. You are young and need to be happy.
You look after yourself 
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@Kcg
You are a young woman and if you feel you can and want to move on then you should do.
There are some good men out there but thereās also some not so good so you just have to be careful. Itās the same for men as well when theyāre searching for someone else.
When youāre a tad vulnerable itās easy to fall and you canāt replace your loved one, like for like, so to speak but we are meant to be able to love more than once.
I have ( a few times ) and I know that John was and still is the love of my life so Iād constantly be comparing which would be unfair so think Iāll just stay as I am and buy a cat.
I really hope you meet a lovely man in your own time and love againā¦Nothing better than being in love and being truly loved in returnā¦
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Kcg
Itās not that you are replacing your partner with whom you have had a very special relationship and children. We all need company of some sort we are herd animals ( in a basic sense ) and that is why we all feel so lonely when our most precious person departs from our world . Do whatās right for you and your children, there is no right way or wrong way to deal with this most debilitating infliction called bereavement. You have to live it to understand it as we are all doing on this site. If people who have not been through it or are not trained in understanding it start to offer advice I would take it with a pinch of salt. We are here for you and would be overjoyed if some happiness could re- enter your life.
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KCG
Iām a bit raw at the moment, but I do miss talking to someone and having a laugh with. But my partner loved to watch me on my ps5 as I game a lot even at this age and my partner would sit on the opposite end of the room and watch coronation street while I gamed. We both loved football more so my partner. She always said enjoy what you enjoy doing no matter what, for me to find anyone close to what my partner was is going to be difficult. So a companion to go stores with and a night out at the pub sharing Xmas etc. thatās what I would look for. But as for yourself life is short enough so go with your heart. Blessings to you.
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Dear KCG Your feelings are not wrong. I lost my hubby of 44 years 9 months ago and like you I am desperately lonely especially evenings. Keep going for your children they need you. I wish you well xx
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I get this! My husband has only been gone for 9 weeks but the loneliness is awful. Im missing just having somebody there, somebody to listen to me without judging, somebody there to lock my door at night or to hold my hand 
im in my 40s and the thought of feeling this lonely forever is scary, but the thought of sharing my life with someone else is unimaginable. Sending you hugs xx
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Hi there.
My partner has only been gone since march. Saying that feels like itās a dream, I also miss having just someone sat there in the same room is so comforting, but itās something that I took for granted. I hate going to bed and to wake a few hours later and knowing that your the only person who is there is in itself scary. Whoever is in charge of us please ease up on who has lost someone from partners, pets whatever ever. I have no one to talk to and I will say that again no one to talk to. All my anger and emotions have no place to go and just gets worse day to day. I do have a cpn nurse helping and a bereavement specialist hopefully is being set up for me. So I no exactly how you are feeling and my love and best wishes go to you.
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David not sure where you live but if anywhere near Northampton I would be happy to meet up and chat. I lost my wife and soulmate of 34 years on Monday this week. She was/is my everything, every fibre in my body misses her. She was on end of life for one months which tore me apart my only positive is her terrible suffering is over, So for that I am thankful. Have you tried hummingbird itās a charity and theNHS could get you a referral. I am trying to find some bereavement cafes in my area because I think it is important be with people of our own tribe,people who are suffering bereavement. Nobody else gets it. Take care please we are here for you
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Hi Ned. Long way away my friend. I would certainly love to chat on here thatās if you would like to. Grief is a weird emotion and I just wish it would let up from time to time. All I keep going back to is little arguments and disagreements, not to many I haste to say. As for good memories well hard to relate as it was just us two being together and doing things but nothing special. A walk in a park bus trips etc were just the norm. But in arguments we all say things we regret saying them are the ones that hold you back. My love for my partner was so strong that I was even jealous because I had been let down by others say the love word but my partner said from day one she fell in love and felt the same way till death. No matter what was said she would say I no what your like and I will never ever hurt you. O god I miss that lady so much. If there is nothing after this life well I wonāt know but if there is woww to hold her again. Take care Ned. Blessings to u.
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Thanks David
I am only on day3 although Sally was dying slowly for 18!days I have been in bits for that length of time. Although we were expecting her departure when it happened I really was not prepared in any way.
Grief is a whole new and terrible world . It like nothing I have ever experienced. When I lost my dad 25 years ago and my mum 4 years ago I was upset but absolutely nothing like this. My protective cloak of my wifeās being has disappeared and I fell utterly hopeless and helpless and really good for nothing. Today we had to finalise funeral arrangements , register the death , pick her coffin and ashes cask. I am totally shell shocked and stricken with this thing called grief. I am struggling to find energy to do anything because we did everything together, holidays , walking , golf , eating out . We were one unit itās like having 1/2 my body stripped away. How might I find ways any way to process this so that I can at least stop blubbering for a few hours . The pain today has been excruciating. Sorry David for offloading and thank you for listening.
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Ned you can of load as you call it as much as you want, I will always listen and support if possible. I cannot imagine what is going on within you but I do no itās not good, people say it gets better every day, myself have found it indifferent in every way. One day I am angry then tearful and constantly questioning myself. I no what I have done in my front room on a bookcase itās a little shrine for me, yes I talk to it and kiss goodnight. Eventually I will have to move it but thatās my decision. I really wish I could be of more help my friend but words are better than silence. Take very good care of yourself Ned. Love and blessings to you.
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@Nedh
I am so sorry for what you are going through now.
It is absolutely horrendous and even though you knew it was going to happen it is still a shock and devastating for you and your family
Like you and countless others we have suffered bereavement before with our parents but nothing prepares you for losing your partner, your best friend, your lover and the person who has known you the bestā¦
At this moment you need to grieve and cry and shout n scream if you want but treat yourself kindly and remember you were there all the time with your wife and she loves youā¦
Itās not easy but keep coming on here and we will all help if we can.
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Nedh,
If you need to rant or ramble,pleae just do it. I am so sorry you are now on this crap path. I hope you have some support.
These things you have to do are horrible. Please try and do the basics no matter how hard they are eat,drink and sleep, believe me we all know how hard these can be.
Take care
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Thank you all so much, it really does help to have people who understand the feelings and emotions, running through, while reading the replies I was fine then had a know on the door from a couple who live a few doors up, handed me a card chatted and as soon as I closed the door I sobbed yet again. If the measure of grief is meant to be the measure of love I guess I loved by wonderful Sally far more than I ever knew. Thank you again for your support
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Oh Ned, I am so sorry. When you say that you are shell shocked, I am sure that is absolutely correct - your life became a living nightmare for 18 days and then the nightmare came true. You are still in shock and probably some of what you are suffering is post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It wasnāt enough time to process and adjust to what was about to happen and you canāt console yourself with the fact that at least it was quick for Sally.
Phil died suddenly and unexpectedly so I didnāt have the agony of waiting. It meant that the worst day of my life was the day I lost him and the second worst the day of the funeral. This has all been dragged out for you.
I really want to say something to help although I realise that is almost impossible. I kept saying to myself, āThe worst day of my life has happened and it canāt happen again.ā Then I threw myself into making sure the funeral really showed everyone what a wonderful man Phil was and how much he was loved. That helped me limp through the next six weeks. Now I take it one day at a time. I am kind to myself and ,when itās a bad day, I say to myself - I am up, dressed and I have eaten something. Today thatās enough.
Be kind to yourself Ned. Nothing this bad can ever happen again and you are going to learn to cope. One day at a time.
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Lisd
What a beautiful way to help cope with grief, so so true that wonāt happen again 
I love that thought. I am adding that to my coping mechanism. And Ned will get better. Ty again x
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Thanks LisD
What beautiful and helpful words and interesting I am focusing on the funeral to make sure it is exactly what you say it should be. You have lifted my morning and also helped explain the emotions I have been experiencing for the past 18days. Only this morning vivid memories of her last few days where she would gesture for water and insist on trying to hold it but she did not have the strength to hold it and drifted in and out of consciousness. Truely horrific and so heartbreaking.
Thank you again I needed your response today as I feel very raw.
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Oh Ned. It has made my day to know my words helped. As you can tell by the time I am posting this, it has been a challenging day - visiting people who were so kind and thoughtful but not in my position.
The immediate memories that are cutting so deep at the moment did for me ease. Those momentsā¦short for me, intolerably long for you cut deep. My darling Philās last words were, ā Help me. Help meā and I couldnāt get to him then because there were so many people in our bedroom trying to save him. Your words about your wife show so strongly her character and strength. I am sure you are still in shock but do focus now on how wonderful it was that she fought so hard not to leave you.
. If it were me, Iād include that in your eulogy and I would write your own words. The celebrants are marvellous and they do an excellent job but, if you can find the strength to write your own words, I think it might help in the hard days ahead. As you and I have reacted similarly by focussing on the funeral, I will share what I did and tell you it brought me some comfort. Please donāt think I am recommended anything. I can only share and tell you that afterwards I felt I had accomplished something my darling Phil would have been proud of. I asked our two children ( we had one each from separate relationships) and I wrote mine too. I didnāt write for an audience at the funeral; I wrote it for the man who was the love of my life. On the day, I was encouraged to read it myself. The children couldnāt but I did. Ned, I am not recommending it or suggesting you should. Frankly I stumbled, I broke down but I read the words of love that I had written and I got to the end. However now 3 months on, I am so comforted that I managed to do that. It hurt almost as much as your drawn out 18 days and my 40minutesā¦but for me I honoured the most wonderful man in the world. Your description of the water tells me you were blessed with a partner who was very special too so I wanted to share my thoughts. Please feel free to ignore but I am happy to support you if I can help any more. Sending so much sympathy, understanding and a virtual hug.
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