I'm scared I might have cancer, I miss mom

Hi everyone,
As the title says, I’m scared I might have cancer, in short, I’ve been passing blood for months now, no matter how many hours sleep I get I am always tired & have lost a lot of weight very rapidly, to the point, all of my clothes look baggy on me, & when my boyfriend hugged me, he commented that he could feel my ribcage, :pensive::worried:. My doctor had me do samples, which came back positive, they showed I am definitely passing blood, & that my bowel is inflamed, I have a consultation appointment at the hospital tomorrow, I’ll admit that at this point it could be anything, it might be cancer, but it might be colitis or Crohn’s disease, I’ll just have to wait & see how things turn out. I’m curious that if it does turn out to be cancer, & I need support, I have heard of Macmillan, but don’t know much about them, & the support they can provide, when my mom was terminally ill with brain tumors, we had Support from Dorothy House, they provided care nurses towards the end, but it was during COVID at that time, I was told I was entitled to counciling, but when I phoned to set that up, they said they would put me on the waiting list & get back to me, that was over 2 years ago, & they still haven’t called me back. I wanted to ask for other people’s opinions, if it does turn out to be cancer, & I need support, which would be better to contact for support, Macmillan, or Dorothy House? I would be greatful to hear peoples opinions & experiences.
I guess I also want to say, I miss mom :teddy_bear:, with things like this, she would of looked after me, come with me to appointments, :pensive:.
On paper I live with my dad, but in reality, he stays at his girlfriend’s house most of the time, & I sleep over at my boyfriends a few nights a week avoiding him, when dad is around, he spends so much time being verbally & mentally abusive with me, he has already driven me to 3 suicide attempts :pensive::woman_facepalming:t2:, he doesn’t care for me, & as for getting ill on any level, I have to just struggle through it on my own, pretty much. Horribly, while juggling my health stuff, I am still trying to sort moving out of dad’s house, this part is complicated, I don’t qualify for social housing, because I part own the house, so to them I have an asset with which I could find alternative arrangements, my portion is too small for me to buy with, unless I move hundreds of miles away from my boyfriend, (it’s taken me a lifetime of waiting to meet him, I could never leave him, he is my soulmate & he means the world to me,) I can’t move in with him because it’s his parents house, & as someone on benefits I’m on a low income, I have also been told that I can’t gift the 1/3 I own to anyone else, because that would be seen as disposal of assets,:woman_facepalming:t2: it’s a puzzle, but I’m stubborn I’ll find a solution.

Hi @Pandaprincess, thank you for sharing so openly here. I’m so sorry to read this update and to hear about your health - I hope you receive some support tomorrow as you go to your hospital appointment.

I’m just giving your thread a gentle “bump” - hopefully someone will have some helpful thoughts and/or experiences to share with you.

Also, I know you have mentioned counselling - if you still feel this type of support could help, you might like to take a look at this page on our website which provides more information about the Sue Ryder Online Bereavement Counselling Service.

Please know you are not alone - keep reaching out.

Take good care,

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Thank you @Nori for your kind words, & the offer to message with you if it’s crohn’s, it it is that, it would be good to speak to someone who can understand first hand what it’s like. Just thought I’d update, my colonoscopy is booked for next Friday, I’m very nervous, though there is a history of bowel cancer in the family, the tests themselves are all new to me, & especially without mom to support me through it I do find it a bit scary, gratefully my boyfriend & his mom are being very supportive.


Hi Panda princess
I had a colonoscopy five years ago and I just want you to know that it was over and done with very quickly and the female nurse stayed with me all through it. The doctor explained everything what would happen before he started and I just tried so hard to do whatever I had to do I could get it over with. There is a screen alongside the bed so you see everything and the doc will comment throughout the procedure. You can be sedated also so do take anything to help you get through it
Thinking of you
Deborah x

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In my experience, Macmillan’s was useless. While my partner was ill, they didn’t respond to any of my emails or provide any support info.
I didn’t bother contacting them after 3rd or 4th unreplied email as it seemed pointless - if can’t reply to an email or a call back, what level of support are they going to offer.

No harm in contacting them, but this was my experience.

My partner died of colorectal cancer - it was already stage 4c when she was diagnosed and was particularly aggressive and treatment resistant.

CA 125 blood test and CEA blood tests are the most accurate blood tests for colorectal cancer - but not definitive.
Colonoscopy is the start point, but if anything is picked up, insist on MRI and pet scans - NHS always just do CT scans, but they are not as accurate or revealing, so you will have to kick off to get MRI and pet scans and probably go to PALS - but pet scan, in particular, is most accurate at identifying areas of high metabolic activity and areas affected by cancer, if it is the case.
Key to cancer is identifying where it is and early detection while it’s in its early stages

Hopefully it’s not, but don’t get fobbed off by doctors. There’s very much a let’s wait and see attitude by doctors in NHS and that’s the exact opposite of how you deal with cancer.

Good luck and hoping for best and it’s just Crohn’s disease or couple of ulcers


Hi @seychelles, thank you for your kind words of support,
& to @MemoriesOfUs, thanks for the advice, I’m sorry to hear about the sad loss of your partner. I know what you mean about doctors taking an unhurried approach to things, it’s very frustrating, my mom died of brain tumors, 3 years ago, my uncle died of pancreatic cancer, I currently have another uncle who is dieing of colon cancer, & back in the 90’s my grandpa had colon cancer that spread into his stomach, :pensive: sadly there seems to be a lot of it in our family, & I agree with you completely, they should be treating & removing the cancer quicker, but I constantly get the feeling they don’t really know what they’re doing, & when treating cancer, it’s more on a system of trial & error then wait to see what happens, which to put it bluntly, doesn’t work. One of my favourite Einstein quotes is, “insanity is doing the same thing over & over, & expecting a different result,” he’s not wrong.
Anyway, I have my colonoscopy tomorrow afternoon, with me luck :crossed_fingers:t2:.

Ok, thanks for the tip :+1:t2:

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Good luck for tom. X
Deborah x

Just thought I’d update you all, had my colonoscopy, but they had to stop because I was in so much pain, it was absolutely excruciating, they got 60cm, (so under half way). I was totally zoned out on the stuff to relax me, they tried letting some air out so it wasn’t so much pressure, but it was no good, they had to stop, I was in too much pain, & getting too distressed, in tears, saying “I want my mom!” They found most of the part they saw was ok, though they did find some inflammation, & have removed a polyp for testing, will let me know the result. :pensive::woman_facepalming:t2::sob:

They’re waiting on results of testing the polyp they told

Polyp they took, damn autocorrect

Ok, will do :+1:t2:

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Hi Panda princess,
During my colonoscopy I had two polyps removed.I had to wait two weeks for the results. Well that’s when I had the appointment to go in to see them. Hope this helps. Do you have to go back for another one ?
Deborah x

Are they going to redo the colonoscopy?
Which part of colon were the polyps removed from?

Holding thumbs polyp comes back clean, but at least no significant disease from what they did.
Are they redoing the colonoscopy?

The polyp was in the first section, not too far in, & is only very small.
The nurse said they may call me back in for another colonoscopy to try again on another day, but to be totally honest, this was so extremely painful, I don’t think I could go through that again.

Hi Panda princess,
I had two polyps removed when I had a colonoscopy and like you said they are tiny. Minute to be honest I had one removed and was in a lot of discomfort and wanted them to stop but thankfully carried on and they found another minute polyp. Both were removed. The second one came back as cancerous. Please don’t put off having the colonoscopy if they call you back Ask for strong sedation next time.
I also found that it very much depends on the doctor doing the colonoscopy and I had about five throughout my treatment. Next time if you have one may be totally different. They also told me that the vast majoy of people who have polyps removed had polyps that are benign so I hope my post does not upset you. I just can’t stress enough that if you are offered another one please do it.You will get through it and like everything else it will pass.
Thinking of you
Deborah x

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I agree with Seychelles and Nori - you can have the colonoscopy under general anaesthetic. But it needs to be done.

My partner was opened up from sternum to groin and had her sigmoid colon removed, stoma created, both ovaries and fallopian tubes removed, pelvic peritoneum, appendix, part of small intestine and part of omentum, over and above the tumour, removed.
Everything’s relative
Discomfort of colonoscopy and removal of couple of polyps pales in comparison to alternative of procrastinating and metastasis

Yesterday in the post, I got a package from the hospital, they’re sending me for a CT scan on Wednesday Nov 22nd.
Between the health stuff & my housing issues, I’m feeling totally overwhelmed with it all, I feel it’s all just too much for me to handle alone, :sob: I miss mom.

Hi Panda princess,
Try to keep calm. Easier said than done I know because I went through this. The waiting for the scan is awful.
Have you had the polyp removed since you last posted. That would have meant going back for another colonoscopy so I am not sure what your up to date situation is. For me I had the polyps removed,then an appointment with the results and then had a scan. Have they explained to you why you are having a scan. If I were you I would phone the endoscopy dept at the hospital that you had your colonoscopy and ask for a doctor to phone you find and explain why you are having the scan. It may take a few days but explain to the secretary of the doctor that you are so worried and need more information.
Also you can phone your own GP who can find out information for you.
Am thinking of you and sending love
Deborah x

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Hi all,
I can’t believe my weight is still going down, :worried::woman_facepalming:t2: my current weight is 8stone 2Lb/52.1kg. my boyfriend has been cooking some delicious dinners for us, but my weight is still dropping, :pensive: when I was going for a shower I caught sight of myself in the mirror, I’m really grossed out by how thin I’ve got, I can see my bones, I’m so extremely thin. I can hear my mom’s voice in my head saying, “you need feeding up,” :pensive: the sight of food makes me feel nauseous, but I have to eat. Annoyingly it’s Sunday, so I’ll have to wait till tomorrow morning to speak to the doctor again.