I'm struggling

Hi,
I’m struggling :sob: on Thursday afternoon I missed a call from the DWP, I tried to call it straight back, but there was just a message that said it was the DWP, that they had tried to call me, that I don’t need to call them back, that they would call me again if they need to, then hangs up. I had forgotten that I had a call from them 2 months ago to say they would be calling me in 2 months time, now, to confirm some information, & talk to me about my benefits, problem! I suffer with a mental health condition that affects my memory, I sometimes suffer bouts of amnesia, & had forgotten about the call, & forgotten the woman’s instructions, I think she said if I miss the call not to worry, that they may try to call again in a day or 2, but if I miss the call could loose my benefits :scream::pleading_face::woman_facepalming:t2::pensive::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob: since that moment, I’ve been stressed out of my skull, I’m terrified, & my brain is screaming at me how useless I am, that I can’t possibly cope on my own, I can’t look after myself. I’m special needs, my mom used to help me with things like this, she used to look after me. I felt so bad Friday morning, I had to call Samaritans, I’m stressing because I feel so helpless, because of the Easter holidays, I’m having to wait all weekend, & Monday, going crazy worrying, hoping they call back Tuesday, I know there’s nothing I can do till then. :pensive::sob: I need support, & reassurance, I miss my mom.

2 Likes

You’re not useless. Let’s get that straight first. You’re stressed and because of that you’re overthinking. I’m wondering whether it might be an idea to speak to someone from the CAB on Tuesday for advice and maybe to talk to the DWP etc on your behalf. When I had some financial problems a few years ago I was verging on suicidal and they were amazing. A lovely lady called Val asked for my consent and took it all over. The relief was unbelievable. Also, I work for a GP and I know we have health and wellbeing workers who help people with all sorts of things including remembering appointments, transportation and benefits. So maybe that’s something to find out about too. I wish I could take this stress away for you my lovely but I will say that these things have a habit of turning out OK and :crossed_fingers:by Wednesday you will have spoken to them and sorted it. Don’t forget how proud of you your mum is. Take care x

2 Likes

Hi @Arvia
Thanks for your kind words, I appreciate your support. I know your right, all I can really do is wait until Tuesday & speak to someone.

1 Like

you stand before the mountain. when you do get to the other side, this problem will have passed and things will have worked themselves out, at least to some degree. things like this loom large but they are eventually dealt with and life moves along.

2 Likes

Thank you @berit, that is a beautiful metaphor for how it feels.

1 Like

It’s good to be reminded that there are people out there, & I’m not alone. Sending hugs of appreciation.

1 Like

Oh, this resonates with me today. My brain has also been screaming at me that I’m useless, because since losing dad I’ve messed up with a lot of practical things. We’re both overstressed and close to breaking, I think, but it’s hard to be kind to oneself. I’m sorry you have to wait so long now with the weekend, I know that leads to worrying, but I’m sure it will be sorted next week. Hugs of support. :people_hugging::heart:

2 Likes

this is me. I berate myself daily for this same thing. but also, the economic circumstances do not help, those of the outside world. I live in the US, a truly predatory economic system so I did the best I could. the world is not a nice place and the loss of our protectors, parents, suddenly exposes us to it. I am suffering from the decisions I made out of fear and great grief.

2 Likes

Thank you @Ulma for your message of support, I think your right, grieving is stressful enough, & when all these extra things keep piling up, it’s very stressful, I don’t know about you, but pretty much since my mom passed, I’ve haphazardly stumble from one situation to the next, it was inevitable that I’d muck something up eventually, it’s just learning to reassure myself that I can pick myself back up.
@berit hi, I’m sorry to hear your struggling. Your not alone, & I agree with you, my mom was like my safety net, the world is so harsh without her support & protection. I know people often say “be kind to yourself”, & though it’s sound advice, it’s not always easy to do, especially when we feel like we’re doing things wrong, but breathe, I firmly believe everything happens for a reason, if we learn from our mistakes then they’re not for nothing. We can’t do nothing about the past but learn from it, the future is something you can plan for, but the now is the only thing you can do something about.
I’m sure our loved ones wouldn’t want us to berate ourselves like we’ve been doing. I know nothing in life is ever perfect, as the song goes, “every rose has its thorn, just like every night has its dawn,” but it’s about finding pockets of happiness, the sun has to shine somewhen, it can’t rain all the time. Sending hugs of support

3 Likes

Sorry to hear that. I’m not in the best of economic circumstances either. The world is indeed not a nice place these days and it’s hard being alone in it. :heart:

1 Like

Haphazardly stumbling from one situation to the next, that’s what I’ve been doing too, mostly on autopilot. I suppose it’s a wonder we get most things right. :purple_heart:

2 Likes

Im so sorry to hear you are struggling and i can scene your anxiety it may seem a very simplistic thing to say to you . But try to calm yourself by breathing in for 4 hold for 4 and breath out for 5 .6 .7 . Hope you get things sorted very soon all the best x

1 Like

Update, it’s been a week now & the DWP still have called me back :pensive::woman_facepalming:t2:. I tried calling them, but no luck, when I did eventually get through to someone, she said there’s nothing on the system about them calling me. Thanks to my pseudoseizures, my memory is very patchy, but I think I remembered something about a call I had had back in January, to pre-inform me about the call I missed, I think the lady said she was from the DWP, something about government statistics, that it was a mandatory thing, that missing the call could affect my benefits.
I’ve been stressing out & crying so much, I’m exhausted :worried::pleading_face::pensive::sleeping:. Also, I checked my weight, after loosing nearly 2 stone last year, I was slowly creeping back up to 8st 9lb, but today I’ve dropped back down to exactly 8stone, :woman_facepalming:t2::worried::scream::skull_and_crossbones: I look absolutely anorexic.
Anniversary of mom’s death April 8th.

1 Like

yes. this is truth.

like you said, all in the past. missed call, etc.
collect yourself and make a proper plan with notes?
“work the problem.” dispense with guilt and emotions as they get in the way. I have things I’ve put off, so hard facing things without support.

2 Likes

Hi all,
The DWP called this morning, but I was in a shop at the time, there was music playing, so it took me a few minutes to realise my phone was ringing, I had literally just pulled my phone out my bag when it rang off, :worried::pensive::sob: I missed the call by all of 2 seconds, :sob::angry::roll_eyes:.
Today is the 3 year anniversary of mom’s death, why did it have to happen today of all days :sob:. Is mom upset with me? Why today? :sob: Of all days WHY WHY WHY!? From what I’ve remembered of the call back in January, the lady warned me if I miss a second call my benefits will definitely be affected, but I’m not sure what that means, does it mean cutting my benefits? Does it just mean a fine? :woman_facepalming:t2::woman_shrugging:t2::frowning_woman:t2: All I can do is wait & see what happens. I’m frustrated at myself, that call was the one thing that could of calmed me down about the whole thing, & I missed it by 2 damn seconds. If I’d only wrote myself a memo in time when they called back in January, I wouldn’t of missed the first call, & would of saved myself all this stress, :pensive::woman_facepalming:t2::sob:.

1 Like

Hiya @Pandaprincess
Could you try and find a number off Google and someone might be able to help or put you through to someone who could?
Hope you get this sorted xx

Breathe! It sucks that it happened today, but your mum is NOT upset with you! The best thing would be to call them. Even if you can’t reach the person who called you directly, they should be able to let you leave a message so that it’s registered that you called back the same day, or even connect you to someone else who might help. :heart:

2 Likes

Hi everyone,
Update, I’ve had a letter from the DWP, it had a couple of questions on it that they needed me to answer & send back by the 18th, so I had to do it quickly. It seems when I was claiming for PIP, at some point I’ve said to them “my dad visits me 2-3 times a month,” they’re now asking if dad is registered at this address, & does he receive his mail here, I’ve tried to explain on the form, that dad doesn’t live with me, he lives with his girlfriend, but part of this is because since my mom passed, the relationship between us is broken down, we’re not happy to live together, so he sleeps at his girlfriend’s, & just comes to the house to collect his mail. :worried::pensive: I am sad & worried, I had to tell the truth, he doesn’t live with me, I am very often left on my own, but someone has told me that he could get into trouble by me admitting this. It’s not as if it was done maliciously, I was just looking for support, I was just being honest that there is no-one else who can support me at the house, because there’s no-one there. He’s going to be very angry when he finds out.

1 Like

Try not to worry - if you are being honest then you have nothing to feel guilty about. If you WERENT honest in your PIP claim you would be the one facing any consequences, so honesty is the best policy. Im not sure why you’ve been told your Dad might get in trouble or why you think he’ll be angry,? There would only be an issue if hes claiming permanent residence for some dishonest purpose, and if thats the case then why should you risk your PIP claim for that? Just tell him what youve told the DWP and then hes got the opportunity to put his own affairs in order. :heart:

1 Like