Dear Maigret
I share those feelings. Not finding this life any easier. Just exist in a world that not part of anymore. Continue to keep plodding on for kids and grandkids.
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Dear Rita
Many charities are now offering a free will writing service so long as you make a donation.
Hi that is so nice of you to say that.I hope Judith can see me trying to do a bit in the garden that she loved so much.She grew veg and planted shrubs and bedding plants ,I could not keep up with her.Snowdrops and bulbs are coming out already. Much love Michael x
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Judith would be proud of you Michael I am lv annie x
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Dear Rita2
Thank you so much for your comforting words and encouragement. At the moment that means everything to me. Iām also sorry to hear of your sudden loss. Although Juneās cause of death was totally unexpected she was becoming increasingly disabled. It was a case of one thing after another. June liked to exercise pushing the shopping trolley around the stores. That stopped with Covid and she developed a painful ulcer on her foot which took a year to heal with twice weekly visits from district Nurses. It is some comfort June is no longer in pain. Having to cope with MS then a cancer diagnosis 9 years ago was very difficult but she fought all the way. It was like someone turned the light off - June was gone in an instant Rita. Some have said June would not have been able to cope if it had been me but she was a very strong person mentally. I certainly would not have wanted her to go through what I have in the last eight weeks. For certain June would have needed a lot of support. I just hope I can feel better over time but the thought of being totally alone for perhaps decades (Iām 66) is not something I like to think about. I wish you well Rita and thank you again. Tony
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I think about that Tony. I am 58 and I donāt even go there because the thought of the future just fills me with fear. I have read that we should live in the moment but if the moment is crap what do we do x
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Life is crap now,without our loved ones what else is there. Michael x
Oh Annie I hope so.I am trying my best but it will never be good enough. Love Michael x
You are good enough you were your Judithās everything believe me lv annie x x
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Hi again Tony, I agree with you not having wanted June to grieve like you are doing. Iām glad Steve never had to go through that. And there is no need for you to be alone for the rest of your life. Youāre only 66 and youād be amazed to know about all the groups you can join if you so wish. But the time has to be right. I donāt know where you live but there must be a bereavement group nearby. Ours is run by the Baptist church and anyone can join. They meet monthly and are a good opportunity to connect with people in your situation. Iām also in a few Meetup groups (just Google Meetup) and they organise a host of activities. Also the U3A (University of the Third Age) have a number of interesting groups one can join, suitable to your interests. Youāll soon find out how many people have lost loved ones and meeting them face to face can be life changing. Donāt push yourself ; do whatever feels right. You may not want to socialise now and thatās just fine. But there is a life out there when youāre ready. Itās not the life you asked for but itās a way out of the loneliness we all feel, at least for a while. There are also a lot of good books dealing with grief and loneliness. Iām 65 and refuse to believe that Iāve reached the end of the road. Look after yourself. Youāre worth it! X
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Thank you for this Rita
I strongly agree with you that when the time is right, there is alot more life out there for us all. I know that feels completely meaningless for many of us, if that life means being without our partners by our side. But we ARE still here. A future of loneliness and sadness is not what I want. And itās not what my darling would want for me either.
Love to all on here
Sophie x
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You are good enough Michael your Judith loved you she always will lv annie x xx
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Dear Rita 2
Thank you again for your kind suggestions. Iām an introvert by nature. I have seen the worst of humanity but was thankfully married to the best of humanity I.e. June. We spent all our time together very rarely going out on our own. Latterly June who was the good mixer positive one couldnāt due to disability.
I know itās āearly daysā and at present I just donāt have interest in anything other than feeling sorry for myself. I know thatās not helpful and itās up to me to do something about it. I have no idea if or when I will feel any different. I hope I do at some point as you suggest but whether I will have the courage to ācirculateā is another matter. Take care Rita and thank you for your support.
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Thank you so much Annie,I needed that from you. Love Michael x
Morning Annie,thank you again,I certainly hope that Judith thought that way.32 years is a long time to be together and we do not always tell each other how we feel and we should.You never know what you have until you lose it.How true that is.I miss Judith more and more each day now.I hate being alone,losing the will to live. Much love Michael x
Morning Tony and everyone,
Hope you slept ok! Just woke up after an upsetting vivid dream in which both Steve and I cried. Now in floods of tears. Am not as strong as I thought. Miss him so terribly and the silence in the house is deafening. But, as always, will just get on with things. Plenty to do in the house and garden and hope one of my friends is free for a coffee and a chat. Wishing you all as good a day as possible. Rita xx
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Hello Rita2
Sorry to hear about your upsetting dream. Itās something I have not experienced yet thankfully. I wake up multiple times every night even though I take a sleeping tablet every night. I do wake at times thinking for a second all is good then reality dawns and Iām back to square one.
You seem very motivated Rita keeping busy and meeting a friend for coffee. Iām not at that stage yet and intend to rest again this morning. I will speak to my elderly Mother (92) on the phone and also make some phone calls later. No trips out planned today or over the weekend. The forecast is poor anyway.
I hope you feel better soon after your upsetting and vivid dream Rita. Take care. Tony
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Dear Michael, youāre so right about telling each other that we love them and treat them accordingly. Had we known what lay in store for us, we would have cherished our other halves even more than we did. I do have plenty of regrets for the times I may have been impatient with or less than kind to Steve. It does happen when youāre together for 40 years like we were. If onlyā¦! But the good times far outweigh the bad luckily. And itās no good dwelling on regrets. All I know is, is that life without him is horrible , even after 14 months. Weāll get through this, we have no choice. There are a lot of lonely and unhappy people out there and I have resolved to do my best for them and not to dwell on my unhappiness. I keep telling myself that Steve is at peace and looking down on me and holding my hand in whatever I do. Iām sure Judith is doing the same for you. Take care of yourself. Xx
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Morning Rita,thank you for the lovely message,this morning I have not been able to stop crying,after 18 weeks now I feel that I am in a worse place,I wake up alone and it scares me,being alone after 32 years together I just cannot handle this.I know they are at peace now your Steve and my Judith who was in such pain ,hellish pain due to bladder cancer,I wish she could hold my hand and help me through my grief ,I am slipping away here ,never been alone before and it is horrendous.I wish I could go back in time and do it all over again with her.I am so unhappy everyday now ,this life holds nothing for me now.I wish we had gone together. Much love Michael x
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Dear Michael, I am so sorry to read about your despair and loneliness. I remember how I felt 18 weeks after Steve died. Crying is too mild a word for the tears I shed. The agony of it all and the hopelessness and despair of suddenly finding yourself on your own. We have to believe that Judith and Steve are watching over us. As you said sheās out of pain and at peace. My husband was spared any suffering as he died in an accident. At least I hope he wasnāt aware of what was happening. It doesnāt make it any better. Theyāre gone to a what I hope is a better place. And I want to believe that weāll see them again someday. In the meantime letās honour them by living the life they couldnāt live. Judith will always be with you ; you carry her in your heart. In time you will want to get out and enjoy life again. Iāve had my cry this morning. The sun is shining and Iām going for a bike ride and meet an elderly, lonely lady this afternoon for coffee and a good old chat. Take care, Michael. Look after yourself for Judith. Xx
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