Indescribable pain of loss

I try to focus on the good memories i have of Eileen, i smile when i think of her and her cheeky smile, it takes away the sadness for a little while, the pain and sorrow will always be there but i do try and think of the good times we had which i miss more than anything, she was the best thing that ever happened to me and just being with her was the joy of my life, she will forever be in my thoughts because she was the most amazing woman i have ever known. in 3 days it will be 4 months since she passed away and i know that, that will be another sad day, but also a day to remember her, i will say a little prayer and i will also pray for all you wonderful people on this site, love and best wishes to you all x

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Thats a positive attitude. When I think of all the good times it makes my sadness worse. Looking at photos makes my inside somersault. But funeral was only Monday. Hopefully in a few months I will be able to smile at memories and photos.

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Lovely words my friend,we do miss our beautiful wives every day.The joy of our lives as you say.Mine too was the most amazing lady .I miss her so much ,only been 5 weeks but I am dying inside.I am in a living hell as all on here keep saying.The grief is overwhelming.Michael.

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The first few weeks after the funeral i felt the same Sue, the pain and sorrow are still fresh in your mind and that is the toughest time, i would love to be able to tell you it will get easier but each of us grieves in our own way and itā€™s always different in each case, i hope with all my heart that you will get to a place where you can smile at the good memories you have and that it will give you some peace of mind, best wishes and love.

Thanks for your kind words. The funeral definitely made everything so final. I sit here and wonder when pain will ease. I off work til 24/11/21 and I thinking going back to work then will help me get through Christmas. Mike loved Christmas so dreading it. Good luck in the future.

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Michael! 5 weeks is still an early stage for you and your grief is at itā€™s worst in these times, if i could give you some advice i would say get yourself out of the house if you can, go for walks somewhere nice and peaceful like a park or somewhere like that, feel the fresh air, listen to the birds singing, try and keep yourself occupied, i was never a great reader of books but now i read every day, there are lots of good books out there about dealing with the stress and grief of losing your partner, i have found them really helpful, i have also been reading a lot about spiritual subjects (something i have never really got into, until now) it did give me some perspective on life and dealing with things, i hope that you get to a better place mentally my friend, i know itā€™s really difficult right now but keeping your mind occupied is really helpful, it has been for me anyway, i wish you all the best.

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Thank you so much for your message,it does give me hope.Michael.

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10 month approaches since covid took my husbands life and thrust me on this journey of pain & feelings of utter loss. Iā€™ve just spent 4 days in bed, only texting to friends & family to prevent the door being kicked in, in a panic. I had a call from work to assess my ability to return & the result was a resounding no. They have been brilliant & very supportive but kinda recognise I am a mess.
So as I lie here today, I have made a decision. I am going to try harder to be braver, to keep the ā€˜faceā€™ on. I have made my list of things I must do & am going to work through it every day, with priority being closing my husbands bank accounts.
I cannot continue to live this life of utter misery so will try harder to cope with the loneliness, desolation & despair. Itā€™s either that or I will go mad with all these awful thoughts and feelings.
My husband would be telling me ā€œcā€™mon honey, itā€™s timeā€ I need to believe this. I need to accept its all over now, heā€™s not coming back.
I am not moving on or moving forward, Iā€™m just going to try much, much harder to cope.

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Good for you, i wish you well for the future, take your time, be kind to yourself, ask for help if you need to, there is nothing wrong with admitting you are struggling, grief is a terrible thing and it will take time for you to get yourself right, take small steps and rest if you feel things are getting on top of you, best wishes to you.

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Thanks @TonyEi1960. I think if it wasnā€™t for this site I would be in a much worse state. Knowing that others are struggling & how they are coping has been of huge support. And such honesty too. You are all on here 'cos you get it.
I am going to see a medium soon & hope against all hope that my big guy will come through to tell me heā€™s at peace & watching over me.
A big ask coming from two heathensā€¦
Thoughts with you Tony, take care x
M

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Oh my you are going through everything eaxctly the same as me,despair,pain,feelings of utter loss,desolation,where does it all end,the loneliness day in day out I find hard to bear,I have had the dark thoughts and still do in my weakest moments,I cannot see a time when I will move on as they say just maybe cope a little more now and again.Lots of hugs and love Michael.

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