My sons inquest was originally in October, been brought forward to September which is ok, however I was not prepared for the documents attached about toxicology, his health. It made some very upsetting reading to not just loose him to drugs overdose, but to endocarditis and aspiration pneumonia….they are all drugs related unfortunately. My son several years ago spent 8 weeks on a heart ward for endocarditis. Also read he had enlarged liver, enlarged lung and a blood clot. Broken again tonight, been sat crying so much. I hope everyone is doing as well as they can xx
3 Likes
Hello I made the decision not to attend my mums inquest to avoid all the details but they emailed me all the details of the tests carried out anyway and I was at work at the time and ended up being sent home because it put me into such a state.
It was so graphical and unsettling to read! I had a hard time as it was whilst they took her body for the testing and I was waiting for them to release her so I could make the funeral arrangements.
I also wasn’t aware of how they carried out the tests until they sent me that email.
I am sorry I don’t have anything to say to make you feel better other than I understand completely how you feel x
1 Like
Thank you Jess1. I never imagined it would be so detailed even to the point of how many grams his organs weighed, let alone the drugs he had inside him. His one lung was so below average, bacterial endocarditis , he had that years ago.I’ve been Googling everything. I’m a type of person who likes to know everything as that is the way I cope. I have been crying so much since I had the email but I think in time it may help me. I’m going to the inquest still, I know it won’t change anything but I hope it may help me. I have to go for my son as I can’t stand the thought about no one being at the inquest for him. Xx
@MJG Hi hope you are ok. I read all the details, including blood tests that showed what was in the drugs he took. I also googled, I think it’s a natural thing to do when we don’t understand or know something.
I didn’t attend the inquest, I thought long and hard about it.
At the end of the day, we did all we could for our kids, not attending the inquest wont change anything.
I got a transcript of it all afterwards, even though I’d read it first in the local paper!
The inquest is just the legal side so they can issue a death certificate, that’s how I look at it anyway.
Take care x
2 Likes
Yeah I to had to read through all that information but I really wasn’t aware that they were actually taking the organs out. They told me it would be a limited post mortem, I did ask how this was carried out and they said they’d made a incision and would take a sample of her heart liver and lungs but once I got the details it seems they did a lot more than I thought which is what traumatised me x
I be just been thinking about that. I was told and I signed some paper work that they would take a scrape from the organs which was the size of your thumb nail which I agreed to as they said they could then to all relevant tests and use it for research. I never thought for one minute they were removing organs and I hope putting them back, I think that was has upset me so much, I’m still looking up stuff in the internet. Xx
@Jess1 yes I felt traumatised at the thought of the PM, i still do. But I try not to dwell on it, I’m not a religious person by any means, but my son’s spirit had gone, they did what the did to his body to find out how he died. It’s hard to put into words x
1 Like
Yep you are right, at least I have the actual cause of death. I keep reading the report, so much to take in. I’m feeling calmer than what I was a while ago. Get the inquest over with, no choice in the matter. I’m last caring if it ends up in the local paper. I know my son, yes not all good, but kind, caring, funny, loving and my rock. To be honest I’m still not seeing many people, I can’t be bothered or to be honest interested. This site is where I feel most comfortable and able to talk. Thank you and take care xx
I can relate to what you have been talking about.
We had the inquest in June.
I’m glad now I got the inquest notes - wax very hard to start with but I wanted to know.
I had the option of in person or online for the inquest. . I did online - the judge was really considerate and kind and just summed up the pertinent points. Nothing was a shock at the inquest as I’d got used to what was in the papers that were sent.
I too was worried about the press, but there was none.
It’s so sad. None of us expects to deal with death let alone an inquest.
There are questions that can never be answered so I’m trying to let them go and not blame myself for what I did or didn’t do.
Thinking of you .
X
Not a good days rang the coroners office to say it was fine to have the inquest early, cried my eyes out when trying to talk to the lady there. So far today I haven’t stopped crying. I can’t cope today. The pain I feel is like the day it happened. My partner has just said no good keep crying it won’t change anything. My temper today is out of control again. I’m loosing the plot today. Sorry to anyone who is reading this xx
So sorry you are going through this .
The thing is you think one minute you are doing ok then getting the info through is just like bam back to square one and all those memories of that horrible day .
Maybe give the Googling a rest for today and go for a walk to clear your head a bit ?
Take care
Xx
1 Like
@MJG no need to apologise for your feelings. You’re on a rollercoaster and your emotions will be up and down. Mine still are, it’s horrible I know.
Try going for a walk, it always helps me. I know we all handle things differently but sometimes it works for me.
Take care xx
1 Like
I’m sorry you are struggling. It will get better. It’s just so raw after a phone call.
Thank you all for your support. I have got out for a walk, guess it helped a bit. Reading the bundle pack has distressed me so much, but tomorrow is another day. Thank you all again, you can do without my meltdown but you are the only people who actually understand xx
1 Like
We have submitted our statement, which was harrowing enough, a big part of what we had found out post event from his computer. Im not sure if I want to read the details when we get ours just his clothes were soaking ( it had poured down when he went, that’s what stopped the police helicopter going up immediately) , and the fact his hands were clenched so was it not immediate. I know once i’ve seen it I wont be able to unsee it. Hope you are feeling better today @MJG
1 Like
Taff thank you, I was a mess yesterday. In a way I’m glad you have done your statement as horrible as it is, another horrible job done. I’m so sorry you are going through all this, I’m here for you like every one else. I’m more calm today but yesterday I felt I couldn’t cope. It was reading the bundle from the coroner that did it. Take care, little steps, rest and little meals. Sending you a huge hug😀 xx
1 Like
Just had a email from the coroners office this morning as my sons inquest is September 21st, and they have put a support team in place for when we arrive and stay with us. It has made it a bit easier I think. I hope that anyone else having to face an inquest will have this support. I haven’t asked for it, it is something they provide xx
1 Like
That’s good to know you will have support there, ours is end of April but may be earlier if they do it by papers only and no witnesses. Will be thinking of you on the 21st
Thank you Taff, I’m know sat crying at the thought of going. It won’t change anything or bring him back, just like the pain you are in. Why, why is going through my head. Just wrote in my journal a one way conversation. My partner just said crying won’t help, I know that but can’t help it. How are you feeling today xx
My journal is getting like an obsession I’m constantly writting in it my one way conversations and lots of why questions, torturing myself that his death was not peaceful, GP just signed me off for another 2 weeks, why can she not do longer