Oh my goodness[quote=“Ang2, post:7, topic:72680, full:true”]
@navvy71 Hi Michelle, I am so so sorry for your loss. I can’t even begin to imagine what you are going through.
I agree, people have no idea what to say but they feel the need to say something but it’s usually the wrong thing. Before I had to walk this horrible, lonely grief journey myself, I have never tried to say the right thing to people who have suffered loss. I simply give them a hug and say, if there’s anything I can do, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
Its been a few months now since I lost both of my parents a few weeks apart and people around me talk/act like all is back to normal…like my parents never existed. My life has changed forever but no one understands that. Grief doesn’t have an expiry date and I wished people could understand that!
Maybe it is best to avoid some people for the time being as our tolerance levels are usually non existent whilst we grieve.
Sending you much love & hugs at this extremely difficult time xx
I’m so sorry I missed your reply.
Thank you for your very kind and thoughtful message …
Means a lot and thank you again.
Sorry I’ve made a right mess on here… was replying to Ang 2 and it’s all gone horribly wrong!!
We have a crossbreed . Collie / whippet
Shes 13 and an amazing dog .
What pets do you have ?
Ahh, they are a great comfort.
I have a 17 year old border terrier, a 9 year old pug, and a miniature schnauzer who is 8.
3 cats and a tortoise!!
Wow that’s a lot of animals xx
I know that feeling…my son was an addict. What people don’t realise it’s an illness. My temper these days flares so quickly to some people as they don’t have a clue. They forget we loved and love our sons/daughters regardless of anything and yes we change it all in a second if we could. Rant as much as you like. What people don’t realise is that addicts deal with there demons every day even when they are clean. My son used to say the demons are back…heartbroken I am beyond words, just like yourself xx
I’ve found that people are very judgemental when it comes to drugs/alcohol. Conversations about drugs come up in the office, sometimes I think they forget what’s happened to me, on several occasions I’ve had to walk out the office until the conversation has ended.
People seem to thing it’s black and white, just stop taking them, if only life was that simple my son would still be here.
Im returning to work in October after having more time off, I just can’t handle the stress of work and my bereavement. I’ve really need this time off, think Ive finally accepted (after 2 years) that he’s not coming back and I’ve actually grieved. Sounds daft I know.
Someone told me there’s different stages in grieving and I really think that’s true.
Love to you all xx
Drug addiction is an illness. You’re right people are judgemental.
I lost my son to suicide but he did take recreational drugs which I believe affected his mental health .
I also work on an office and can’t see me being able to return anytime soon . I can’t cope with mindless thoughtless chit chat .
2 years is still early .
The grief stays forever but we just have to find ways of managing .
Yep people are so judgemental and just don’t have a clue, not only losing a son/daughter to drugs but what you have to try and deal with when unfortunately they are on drugs…as not only is it heartbreaking with the the use of the drugs it’s also the come down from them which I have witnessed so many times it’s horrendous.
My son was on a life support machine several years ago from taking GBL…addiction is an illness which so many don’t understand and don’t want to understand either.
I hope when you return to work it goes ok….deep breaths and hole you get support. I’m becoming an expert in blanking people…awful I know but can’t be bothered…only want to know your business, Ive the inquest this month, can’t even think about it, still doing an hour at a time and sometimes that’s hard enough. Take care and hope the weekend not too bad. The sun is shining at least xx
I too lost my daughter 8 weeks ago I sit and cry most of the day sleep is hard to come by I too avoid going out as I don’t want to bump into anyone who will ask how she is and I have to say the words she has died it’s heartbreaking the sense of loss is unbearable at times she was my best friend no more coffees shopping talks on the phone it’s endless life can be so cruel people say time is a healer but to me it’s not
Linda, im on week 4, and think i have just spent the last 3 days in tears. Ive just closed his savings accounts today, he saved si hard this last year so he had money for his MSc i shook filling out the forms. Ive avoided everyone since the funeral, only one person has asked me out for a walk, everyone else has stopped asking me how i am probably as im blunt and say how i am and they dont want that answer.
I totally understand not wanting to see people because of the questions they ask. My doctor said that is normal and it is the way the brain protects us from any additional hurt.
I find some people are only interested in wanting to know the details of his death. I have now learnt to say, I don’t want to talk about his death as it is too painful but I am happy to talk about his life.
My son took his own life. It was a complete shock. Although there were no drugs or alcohol in his system I do think they contributed to his final decision. He was a social binge drinker and once he started he didn’t know when to stop. He hadn’t drunk for a few weeks as he said he felt crap for a few days after drinking. He had a binge 3 days before he died. I think the withdrawal somehow messed with the chemicals in his brain. I’ll never know and I find that really difficult not having any answers.
My broken heart goes out to you all.
Thanks you all for your replies.
Having a bad day today. I’m sat here in the house, it’s so quiet. I can hear kids playing outside. Oh how I wish I could turn the clock back to when mine were small, Life was so simple then xx
My son was my best friend, could tell him anything. I miss being at his flat which he bought, doing some jobs with him, going for lunch, helping him and always there for him. I take it hour by hour and I’m six months nearly ahead of you, I can act blank people if I don’t want to even say hello…I know that’s sounds awful but just can’t be bothered with stupid chit chat. As far as I’m concerned most of them only want to know the ins and outs of everything. Do they not realise who hard our lives are and that trying to get through an hour is hard. This site is my life line. Take care xx
Ah Taff I feel for you when you have to close down accounts. I cried all the time doing it and looked at my writing it did t even look like mine, hand was shaking. I’ve been for a swim today which was an achievement. Have you been able to go for a walk today. The sun is shining I find which helps a bit. Take care xx
Me too. Last weekend they had a summer fete on in the village, I could hear people enjoying themselves. I literally broke down crying. Hope your day gets a bit better…hour by hour, I’m in in my own got my music playing. The other day I couldn’t stand the noise of music, no hour is the same I find. Take care xx
My husband drove me to the park, ive not been out for 2 days. I just walked as quick as i could, its just a mile. Strange i was doing the 1000 mile challange this year and was on target 5 weeks ago, now 100 miles behind. Hes going back to work next week so dog walks will be from the house, im not up to that.
Remember do what you can when you can and you have done well having a walk in the park today. Little steps is all we can do. Being behind with your challenge is irrelevant at the moment. Next week will be difficult for you when your husband goes back to work, I found it hard but my partner is self employed so did the hours he felt he could leave me and would ring me regularly. Maybe your husband can ring you in the day a few times when is back at work. I’m not sure if I’m helpful or not. If I’m not sorry. I have spent the afternoon washing and polishing my car to pass the day as it’s that Friday as I call it, take care big hugs xx
I am so sorry for your loss it is very different losing a child to losing a parent I lost my son on the 11th July this year he had been ill for 3 and 1/2 years but its still horrendous when they actually pass I was with him when he passed I am at least grateful for that. I have nit been on here long but I feel its helping me with my grief as you can talk to people who really understand how you feel. I have not been coping very well since his death always bursting into tears and crying myself to sleep. I have had a couple of good days but I know that I will have some bad days again too. Just live each day as it comes and do whatever you need to do to keep going I try and keep busy but I don’t go out much at the moment because I dont feel I can face people but one day I will as my son said to me go and have a life. Going to go now but if you want you want to chat just get in touch all the best
So different to losing a parent. I have lost both of mine. I’m sorry you have lost your son, but glad you were with him when he passed. I had to do CPR on my son and the flash backs I get are horrendous along with the noise of sirens. I’m getting bit better with that though, little steps for us all. I have the inquest in a few weeks, it won’t change anything but need to go there for my son and myself. Take care and thank you xx