Insensitive comments

I wish I could say it gets easier, sadly we just learn to live with the pain.
Unless you have lost a child I don’t think you can understand. Parents are not meant to outlive their children.
Losing a child in my opinion is the worse loss because it goes against the ‘natural order’
Many people seem to think they have to say something, the vast majority of these comments are or appear to be insensitive to our broken hearts. Sadly you will not be able to unhear them or forget them.
You did the right thing by speaking up and saying it was inappropriate, hopefully they will think before they speak next time. Xx


Yes we just have to live with the pain. I’m glad too I spoke up, I’m not prepared to put up with gossip, and saying things which are not true. My partner said of you have still got fire in you😀. The inquest is in a few weeks, some people say you get a bit more closure, I can’t comment on that until it happens. Take care xx

I thought it was only me and it is so comforting to read that many of you here are also pushing useless people away. I’ve ‘shed’ a few over the past 13 weeks; my mother (lifelong selfish narcissist, who never encouraged cared or took an interest in her 4 children when they were growing up or any of her grandchildren), my sister - very like our mother, my ex-husband who has been unbelievably cruel since our son died, a friend who just walked away and then tried to come back, a bullying work colleague (2 years of her being the worst kind of person there is just hit too much). I feel better for not pretending their behaviour is acceptable to me and of course no one gets this version of me. Beware the grieving mother…. I am a kind, calm empathetic woman but right now I’m taking no prisoners.

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I do think losing your child make you re-evaluate relationships with others.
People you could tolerate before become untoleratable (if that’s such a word).
I know I will lose some friendships but I have also gained some with people who do truly understand so I’ll take that .


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People get on with their lives too soon don’t they? All but one friend has stayed constant and I’ve clung to her. We need support.
My sons best friend lost his wife (36) less than two months after my son died, septic shock after a Caesarian birth. Her death rocked us all, and his situation is dreadful. Her funeral is this week and I think it is this making me feel worse in the past week or so. The baby has no mother, their son has no mother. I have been asked to help care for baby which I shall but being plunged into their family grief worries me about coping myself - maybe it will help. I’m hoping so.

Sorry I went off on a tangent - caring, kindness to yourself, avoiding negative people, talking to others who understand - all sensible options don’t you think? I keep telling myself there are people in worse situations, this helps sometimes, definitely not always……

The last bit you wrote reminds me of what my Dad would say to people…my daughter does not take take prisoners and watch out as you don’t want to be on the receiving end. So true.


Im a Rottweiler at the moment! It’s so uncharacteristic too.
Speak your truth; people who get you will stick around.

Me too but I’ve always been on the firey side. My son always would say to anyone don’t ever p*** my Mum off as you will know to it. My sons friends are coming over Thursday evening as it’s inquest day and I think it’s right they hear it from me the outcome, I now have my partner saying he’s going out as he doesn’t want to see them. Oh well, his choice but it’s important to me. I’ve lost my darling son to drugs and so broken xx

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It certainly does and without this site and wonderful people I would loose the plot. Thursday is getting nearer, will be glad when it’s over and the bundle can go away, I can’t move it yet, been on the lounge floor since I printed it off, I even hoover round it. How are you coping. My heart pounding but going for a swim in a bit xx

We will all be here for you Thursday

I was also remembering it’s this Thursday as well.
We are here for you xx

Thank you so much, the thought of going makes me feel I’ll at the moment, my heart is pounding again, when will this ever stop, i just can’t think about anything again, im going backwards. My partner suggested we went shopping afterwards….anyone would think we were having a day out. How are you feeling Taff, s**t like me probably xx

Thank you so much, I will give you the outcome. I’m feeling ill at the thought of it. Means so much a message, this is my lifeline where people actually understand me. Xx

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I can not see an end to this pain, my chest is in pain, constantly panicky at the moment his pain has just been passed on but i have to live with it for many many years.

I wouldnt want to go shopping afterwards, perhaps sit in a lovely calm location with a flask but thats about it. Take a photo of your son with you and just focus on that. I saw a Facebook post the other day and they said that not all that was in the pack was read out so hopefully you will have seen the worst. Do you have to be called as a withess ?

Me neither the pain and feeling empty is awful, good idea for afterwards, sit quietly somewhere. It will take me an hour to drive home. At least I haven’t got to be called as a witness, some of it is via video link. Thank you for your kindness shown this is the only place I feel at ease xx

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Hi Tilly, Yes losing your child certainly makes you re evaluate everything, I feel you are all my friends on here as no one else understands what we feel or what we say, the majority of people just annoy me xx