I’m officially ready to go berserk and start screaming! My wife died almost 15 weeks ago. I’ve bought a pup who will come home in 4 weeks to prove company both for me and my Jack Russell who has been really upset since her mummy died. Tried explaining to someone today that the pup will help lift my focus and commits me to try and keep living for another 15 years if possible so I don’t put the family through me giving up and just turning my face to the wall, which was becoming a more and more tempting idea. “Oh that will help you get over her”. NO YOU MORON I WILL NEVER EVER GET OVER LOSING HER I’M JUST TRYING TO COPE. People just don’t seem top grasp you won’t “get over” this
Oh @BobY I do understand that! I’m a cat person, deeply not a dog person, yet several people have told me to get a dog to basically … replace my husband. We were together for mearly 50 years. I’m not going to ‘get over’ him. 135 days after his death I’m still talking to him. I have never been an adult without him. There’s no ‘getting over’. And no house pet is going to replace him.
I’m so sorry @BobY you have had to hear this very insensitive comment, just for mentioning your new pup. I have had so many such remarks made to me, “your coping so well”, how would they know, hardly see them, “you seem to be over the worst, go and have some fun”. These people have added to my grief. How could we possibly ever get over losing our loved ones?
Enjoy your new pup.
Absolutely! They don’t seem to grasp I"m still married to her! Never mind this until death, it’s forever and ever and a day after that
My sister in law suggested I get a cat to keep me company. With my mobility issues I have enough difficulty looking after myself let alone an animal. As though a cat could replace a partner of 50 years.
I think another thing that annoyed me in the conversation was that the pup would replace her rather than be something else to try and focus on. I doubt the void will ever be filled but I have to try and learn to cope somehow and too many people think this is like a divorce rather than the horror it actually is when two people who live for each other are wrenched apart against their will
A lot of people don’t seem to grasp we are still married. We didn’t unmarry our partners nor did they unmarry us, I don’t care about the legal stuff - widows or widowers. It was a privilege to be married to my husband, a sentiment we all share.
One of my neighbours recently divorced and tells me she knows how I feel. It is not the same. Her husband still comes round regularly. He took her shopping when her car was off the road. If she has problems he is there. How is it the same? I can’t be too angry with her as she has cooked me some wonderful German cheesecake and every week puts my bins out by the kerb. She will also get me any shopping I need and have forgotten online.
Yep a crazy notion !!! But you will find things divert you ! Its a bumpy ride though … not gonna lie. Youre gonna be up and down like a yo yo. I noticed in my ironing pile today still got some of my husbands t -shirts and boxer shorts in. I cant bear to iron them because i know he will never wear them again so just folded them up and put them in a pile. I cant bear to give any of his stuff away given some of his football shirts away to family but this is such a heartbreaking journey ! So unfair. And so bloody sad ! Xx
My husband told me he wanted his bowls given to his bowls club. Done. His Masonic gear given to the lodges he belonged to. Done. Still got to get his watch to our nephew. He also wanted me to buy chocolates for our neighbours who ran me to and from the hospital at a moments notice and still look after me.
Yeh had that myself … people comparing it to a divorce ! No its not ! Cos they have gone forever and also we didnt chose a divorce did we ? And we didnt chose for them to pass away either !
As though we would choose to lose the love of our lives.
Yeh exactly … im sad again today. So sick of being frigging alone all the time. I hate it !!! Yeh people chat but it doesnt really mean anything to me. Not like a husband you knew inside out ! If he was here he would’ve been making me laugh and just sitting with me and we would be planning a holiday ! I miss EVERYTHING about being married to him ! X
I wasn’t too bad but I’ve definitely gone downhill the last couple of days and that conversation has really upset me. I go up to the cemetery every day and fill her inn on the news but I miss the sound of her voice and just her touch. I can’t find any way to express this to the family. `I’m NOT doing well. I’m NOT coping brilliantly. This site and all of you have been and hopefully will be such a lifeline
Yeh i think when people are tactless it really knocks you ! Its awful isnt it ? You just keep doing you and tell prople youre not coping very well. I do now ! Im same miss my husbands voice and just his physical body ! Its too crap all this is !!
@Deb5. I echo every word you have said.
Having a dreadful day, the ache if missing him gets worse. Like you, we would be having a lovely and relaxing afternoon or, possibly be away enjoying ourselves. I feel edgy and nervy all the time, just zero peace.
Sorry you’re feeling so bad Rosemary. I do hope tomorrow us a better day for both of us. Sandra xx
Its horrible isnt it @Rome18 i just cant bear it some days. Got my puppy who i love so much but i wish my darling husband was here. Nothing is same without him . Its not fair this isnt ! Its not fair we should all suffer like this !!! I hate everything about my life now and i was so happy before ! I really am not sure if i will ever be happy again ?
I can understand that one bob y