My beloved Pat passed away 12 weeks ago today and I can’t bear it. We’d been married for 54 years and although we’d had our ups and downs she was/is my soul mate. I’m feeling her loss massively and I don’t know what to do, I’m trying to keep myself going, I’m looking after myself, talking to friends and trying to find a life but things are getting worse. I find myself crying on and off all day and feeling totally miserable and wretched. I know it’s early days and I always want to miss and never forget her but the intensity is relentless. I’ve got to this point and find I haven’t really got a question, I’m just hoping sharing things will help.
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Qua so sorry for your loss. It’s such early days for you. I lost my beloved partner suddenly 25 weeks ago tomorrow ( I’ve never counted anything in weeks since I was pregnant).
You will be in shock. Sometimes it feels like yesterday and others it seems years since I’ve seen him or heard his voice.
You’ve found the right place in this site. We are all sadly in the same horrible boat.
I wouldn’t have normally posted anything online in my previous life, but I’ve found it to be a lifeline. Everyone understands and however bad you feel there’s someone out there feeling the same. Keep posting for support. Take care x
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Lost my hubby a week ago,31 years married,his passing was quick,still in shock,our son and myself have our ups and downs,but we will get through this.There are things that set me off,but we are all human,we all feel differently,just go with your emotions,you will come through this eventually,sending loads of hugs.
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Hi thank you for your quick response and I am so very for your sad loss.
There’s no preparation for this, my father died a few years ago but it was nothing like this.
I talk to my wife throughout the day and I find it makes sense to do this.
Anyway thank you agai.
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Hi thank you so much for responding to me especially in the awful situation you’re are in. All I can say is that in my short experience of this you will find the strength to carry on, I’m not far enough along this journey to offer any more but thinkIng about all the people that have been through this there has to be hope.
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18 days for me. This is my first day alone. I want no visitors for a while. Tired of talking about my husband’s death, their memories of him, getting advice from people still married, questioned about what I will do in the future and one even asked if we should all go to dinner to celebrate his upcoming birthday.
I don’t know what I am doing an hour from now much less in the near or far future.
Part of the pain is the frustration that we can’t fix this and the anger at our loss. I am taking it out on the weeds, the dead branches, and tossing useless junk we have kept for no reason.
My BF, a widow for 19 years, reminds me that grief doesn’t run in a straight line, it curls and winds back around over and over for a long time. All you can do is wash your face after crying and forge ahead for the moment.
I am so very sorry you are suffering. May peace be upon you.
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Hi thank you for your response. I think that unless a person has lost someone that they love as much as I love my wife it is impossible for them to understand what I’m going through. People don’t know what to say so at the moment I’m avoiding social situations and just seeing a couple of very close friends who put up with me. I’m going to see my daughter and grandchildren abroad after Christmas and I’m counting the days, of course I’ll have to come home eventually and face an empty silent house.
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Just sending you a hug.
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I’ve socialized my whole life. I don’t need to anymore. Well, that is the way I feel tonight. I haven’t been out except for necessities since my husband died nearly 6 weeks ago. It is still all so surreal. It has all been a blur since then.
The idea of making small talk is more than I can handle. My mind drifts away as people talk to me and I have to ask them to repeat what they just said.
My friends call and tell me all the sweet things that are happening in their families in an effort to cheer me up. I tune it all out and forget everything they said by the time we cut the call.
I have a very good brain. It just stopped working.
Love to all.
Much love to all.
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Sending you a hug. I’m in a similar situation and the tears take my breath away. This seems a very good place to be. I’m a newcomer myself, and so far it’s been excellent. Take care.
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Thank you.
People are so kind but all the time I’m with them I’m thinking of my wife Pat. Over the last week I’ve had the occasional time when I’ve felt the gloom just give a bit, I’m taking it as a sign that there is hope. Having said that I always want to feel her loss and whatever life holds for me she’ll always be there in my heart and mind.
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Somebody said to me the other day, ‘You loved her so much,’ speaking about my wife, Debbie. But that love will never be in the past to me. I’ll always love her. She’s been the centre of my world for so long. I’m in the very early days of grief, but something I know is that love doesn’t slip into the past tense when a much-loved person dies. We go on loving them.
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You are right, always in the present tense. I still love her and I always will. It’s been 15 weeks now and my love for her has not gone away, in fact I’m more aware of it and if anything it is stronger if that’s possible.
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I knew that I loved R. It is now that he isn’t here, that I actually realise how much. How together we were, we had created our little world. We relied on each other, in good times and bad. Neither of us were perfect. We could drive each other nuts. I miss the humour and being a couple.
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I know exactly how you feel I lost my husband 8 weeks ago. I can’t cope, there is absolutely nothing in my life. Each day is a mountain to climb to get through, I don’t know how, every minute lasts forever. I know we need to build a new life but that is not easy and feeling so very bad even harder. I find morning the worst, I have to be out of the house all day, it’s far too much for me to stay inside. I wish there was somewhere the bereaved could go to be together and offer comfort.
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Qua, I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s absolutely devastating and unbearable. I understand what you are going through and I feel the same.
My wife died five weeks ago today. She was only 57 and I miss her so, so much. It’s still very early days for me but I have found everyone on here to be so kind and a great support. I am trying to learn how to cope with the immense sadness and overwhelming grief but the tears just won’t stop.
I’m so sorry I don’t have an answer. For me, talking about my wife does help but I have to be in the right frame of mind or else I just breakdown in tears. In a way, talking about her keeps her here but it’s hard for me to do that as I have no family support and friends have drifted away.
Being on here is an absolute lifeline. People on here are amazingly kind and they have got me through some very dark times.
I really hope you can find a way of lessening the pain. The pain will never go away but we have to find a way to live with it and carry on and it’s not easy. Far, far from it.
I think having no family support really makes it harder I am the same. No one calls to ask how I am, I have a few friends but they are living their lives, on holiday etc
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It’s hard enough to cope with such intense sadness and loss but the loneliness makes it even more unbearable.
No one is calling or messaging me now. The house is silent and cold. I feel I have been forgotten, that I have disappeared. I need to get out and be with people but I can’t face it. Not with Christmas everywhere.
Sending you a hug Lost12. At least we are all here for each other and understand the agony we are all going through.
I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s hard to bear but we have to. It’s over 16 weeks now and I’m still in tears so many times during the day.
I’m lucky I do have some support from friends and my daughter who lives in New Zealand but it’s still very hard.
I’m ok with being in the house and garden, in my mind I can still see her here and it brings some comfort. I also talk to her and it doesn’t feel strange and I think it helps. Sometimes I have a sense that she’s around me, I know my mind is playing tricks but that’s ok? I know I have just got to be strong and things will improve in time but it’s so difficult and I often crumple. It’s a long journey but I’m determined to get to a better place.
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You are right the deep sense of loss is enough. But the engulfing loneliness, the feeling of being utterly alone is terrible. With no family, and as you said no one calling to ask how you are it is a horrendous position to be in. Today has been a crying day, unstoppable and in public, trying to cover it up. Reading these posts I know there are so many of us united in this grief. But I really need actual people. X