Thank you. It helps to talk with people who understand.
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Thank you. I think for some people the funeral is their closure. However, it certainly wasnât the final closure for me or you. I had support from some friends and some family. There were people who I had thought would definitely be there who provided little or no support. I. went for a walk and never expected the dreadful impact it had. I felt so lonely and alone. I have experienced a few firsts without him, they were hard. Like others, I just hope it will improve but life is never going to be the same. We were together for nearly 50 years and he was wonderful, the love of my life.
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Gosh 50 years, we had 42. It was second time round for both of us so I suppose 42 was good. He was definitely the love of my life, and heâd told others I was the love of his. I donât know how weâre supposed to adjust to living without them, but somehow we must.
I found it just as hard after the funeral as before, closure is something people who havenât gone through this think happens.
Iâve had a couple of firsts already and that was tough, but I got through them so I suppose thats another step on this journey we none of us wanted to go on.
I think thats all we can do, 1 day at time, 1 step at a time and somehow weâll get through
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So true, one of my friends said âgriefâ is mine and mine alone and she is absolutely right! I find even when I am with a lot of people around chatting I somehow still feel so lonely - lonely when alone and lonely when among people thatâs what grief does to us!
Take care everyone x
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So sorry for your loss. I lost my angel over 11 months ago and it still hurts so much these days. I have told myself over and over again to take one day at a time sometimes even one breath at a time and it does help a little.
Sharing on this forum does help enormously so please keep sharing with us as we all here are going through the same sad and painful journey so we understand how one another feels.
Please take care x
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It is reassuring to find that others are feeling exactly the same. Sendingâ:heart: and 
to you all. I try to keep busy during the day but it is the evenings I find challenging, not having anyone to talk to. Sometimes I find myself just sitting, TV maybe on but not engaged with it.
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Thank you. It is a difficult and lonely journey that we didnât choose.
It a lonely time that so many of are facing. Together and yet alone.
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Please take care as well.
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Thank you. Expressing my grief is a release valve, .Talking to people who really understand, who have experienced and are experiencing it is especially appreciated.
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I think many of us identify with what you have written. Take care.
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Must say I dont often feel lonely as such but certainly very alone! We were married for 57 years and did everything together! I am now at the guilt:regret stage especially wondering if I made the most of him or took him for granted! Does anyone else feel like that! This week I have to collect ashes - havent been able to face it yet but need to make a special effort! We not sure what to do with them yet! On a positive note and âon good daysâ I think no more AandE, no more ambulances, no more investigations and tests and waiting for results, no more hospital and no more pain! Horrible journey though isnt it? sending love xx
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Iâm echoing that - sitting alone and so lonely in the evenings with TV sounds in the background just to keep company. I so hate life without my angel husband 
Best wishes everyone x
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Yes the long empty evenings with just the tv for background noise. Better than silence.
I too have feelings of guilt, did I do enough, did I listen enough, should I have spent more time with him, although we did spend a lot of time together, maybe I should have spent every moment with him.
Iâve got to collect his ashes next week, Iâm not sure how I feel about it, just donât know what Iâm going to do with them yet.
I can totally identify with what you said - we were so close and inseparable but somehow I still feel so guilty from time to time saying to myself maybe I shouldâve been more attentive or maybe I shouldâve paid more attention to his health and well being knowing that he wasnât the one to complain or maybe I shouldâveâŚso on and so onâŚnever ending
Life without him is horrible I miss him so much every single day, missing his jokes, his happy demeanour, his loving touch, missing everything that we used to do together
Best wishes everyone x
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So identify with everything above - think there difference between guilt and regret though!! I feel regret that I didnt make most of him when kids growing up and didnt listen as much as I should! He never complained but must have felt left out sometimes! I would also visit married kids and look after their babies too even though he often didnt want to come!! comforted to lnow others feel the same! Not really guilt asI did all I could towards the end! Maybe I should have stayed last night at hospital but we didnt know he would pass that night! telephoned at 11pm when breathing changed! Horrible quarter of an hour before he became unconscious and died three hours later! But eldest son and I were with him! Sorry everyone, waffling on but it does help! sending love xx
Hi everyone.
I think youâre right, not guilt, regret. Maybe just spending more time with him when he was well, even though we werenât often apart, silly isnt it, how we try to find things we might have changed, if weâd only known 
. We didnt know and lived our lives happily enough, why would we have changed it?
I was lucky enough to spend every minute of Rogerâs last 2 days and nights with him. The wonderful girls at the hospice pushed our beds together so i could hold him all night and I was with him as he slipped away. I stayed with him until my daughter came about 45 minutes later and then we stayed with him for another couple of hours. It was so peaceful.
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oh thatâs wonderful Liro - really special! One of my sons had just returned 130 miles home from visiting but returned immediately, other son (who lives 300 miles away anyway and couldnt have got there in time anyway!) said turn off phone and have a good nightâs sleep - thank goodness i didnt, but he didnt know til morning, and daughter and family who are nearer arrived in time! But at least I was holding his hand and stroking his head as he took his last breath! Really special too! x
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Yes @Cynthonia it was really special and I feel so lucky to have had the chance to be with him, when so many on this forum didnât get that chance.
Iâm glad you had the same special moment.
I do worry at times about whether I did the best I could for him when he was ill. For a year, everything was similar to you - blood tests, treatment, hospital dashes and very busy then suddenly all that stops and so it is like âwhat nowâ. Although I do get out with friends, everything has to be planned, no spontaneity. I realise now just how much Bob did for me and now I have to do everything. It is a a very bumpy road but hopefully at some point it will be a little smoother. Sun is shining letâs hope there is some brightness in the day for us all xx
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We were fortunate in that Bob was able to stay at home. Both my daughter and I were with him when he passed away. Sad but special.
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