It is so good, in these awful circumstances, to know I am not alone with regrets! A few years ago Tony had polymyalgia rheumatica and the symptoms he started to get about 6 months into the cancer journey (pain in back , neck and difficulty walking) were exactly the same!! Bloods were sent off and came back with elevated inflammatory markers and even GP said it was a relapse and he had to walk to keep muscles strong! Bless him, he did try! This is a long story and at this stage the cancer (bladder) hadnt spread so we were bopeful! But as time went on it became onvious it was NOT PMR and decline started! He eventually had a PET scan which revealed metastatic bladder cancer right up his spine! He was admitted to hospital and declined very very quickly! To this day I am not sure he himself knew it was terminal! GP said to me we were all so sure it wss PMR he was low on our priority list!!! Finally he got pneumonia which was first on death certificate, but the cancer had aggressively spread and nothing could be done!!! Waffling on again but thank you all for being here as we journey through this grief sending love xx
Cancer is a difficult and cruel journey and with many bumps in the road. Positive to start then hopes dashed then another glimmer of hope only to be dashed again. No two journeys are the same and unless you have walked in those shoes you have no idea.
Just reflecting on this day 40 years ago when we were just starting our married life. An exciting time filled with hopes and dreams and now all that is left are the memories but happy ones 
Thinking of you today @Jaffa
I got through my anniversary by buying the locket he wanted me to have and then going to lunch with my Grandaughter.
Hope your day goes as good as it can
Oh sooo agree about ups and downs and yes such a cruel disease! so unexpected with us as Tony never had anything wrong his whole life except broken bones from skiing!! Have found with grieving process that distraction eases it a bit, but then comes back with a vengeance! But “ it is appointed unto every man ONCE to die…” and am afraid others still have to go through it! xx