I know it’s not the same but I lost my dad July 2021 and I still cry most days as I miss him much. I don’t think it’s something we will ever ‘get over’ as death changes everything. Someone is always missing and life won’t ever be the same again.
What I’ve been told that it’s something we all learn to live with. How long it takes to get to this stage is anyones guess and I suppose for some it’s sooner than others.
Just hang in there and use any family and friends for support. If they are true friends they will be there for you at good and bad times.
Cry when you want to and don’t worry what others think.
Just look after yourself too xx
Hi misty, so sorry you are feeling this way . We need our partners to tell us everything will be alright .but of course it never will. I really never thought my husband would die ,I don’t think he did either so we never had any conversation about one of us ever dying . What now I wish we had . There is so much I would of liked to thank him for , especially for being in my life and loving me and making me so happy . Yes there is only ourselves that can sort this big mess that our lives are now . But thankfully we have this site ,so we are not alone, there is always someone who will listen and help us . People who have never experienced the love we had and now the loneliness and heartbreak we now face ,will never understand . All we can do is try and get through each day . Sending love and hugs to all.xtake carex
I am not looking forward to Christmas this year as last year I was still operating in auto pilot as her funeral was on the 13th October .but this year it is all too real and so damn unfair on us both . Over a two week period she went from being fine and healthy to being on a ventilator with covid .
I know she’s gone but I still think she’s going to walk in the door one day ,so my brain is pretty scrambled still . I talk to her all the time and cry all the time .people say it gets easier but it hasn’t in a year .
Hi Tim, I feel your pain, this is my second Christmas alone also and last year was hard, no decorations, cards or trees. It will be the same for me again this year just can’t bring myself to enjoy or celebrate anything. My world ended when Lynne passed away. Take care buddy.
Hi Tim
It’s been 16 months since Ian passed away, only seven weeks after his cancer diagnosis. We were given a year but that was not to be sadly.
Like you, I still expect him to walk through the door and I talk to him and message him daily. I am dreading this Christmas as last year I was still in shock but now I’m feeling worse than ever if that is even possible.
Hi ,I just want to be on my own this xmas.i was also on autopilot lasts Xmas . I went to my daughter’s ,I tried to make a Xmas dinner,but husband always made the Xmas dinner ,so mine was crap, we hardly ate any, I ended up taking grandson out for a walk in his buggy. But just walked around the streets crying .I must of looked a right site. But knowing other people were having a happy time with there partners, and I would never have that again broke my already shattered heart . I write in my diary most nights to my husband ,some times the day has been to hard for me I can’t write anything .but I talk to him all the time. I can’t see it getting any better soon. But have to try and think it might . Xtake carex
Hi . I also never put tree up or sent any cards . Won’t this year either, probably never will again . Even though I use to love Xmas. It will never be the same again . My world ended and my happy life gone when my husband died .he also took the best part of me with him .xtake carex
Hi ,I thought after the first year I might start to accept this is my life now . And maybe get part of the old me back . But yes I’m feeling worse so I know how you feel . Xtake carex
I so empathise with you. I lost my dear beautiful wife only 10 weeks ago - married for almost 54 yrs next month. Even though I had been her FT carer for the last 17 yrs since she had a mega stroke, it was the worst time of my life watching her as dementia took hold in the last six months and eventually as she stopped eating and drinking gasping for her last breath. She was an amazing soul and though I’m now going to a bereavement group and I have support from family, the house seems so empty without her and I’m constantly breaking down in tears. I feel so useless and although there are things need doing in the house I’m just about managing to do the basics. I’ve been told that grief has no timescale - I am on a small dose antidepressant and a tablet to help me sleep at night - I find mornings are worst - it is good to talk to someone who has been there but the loss will always be there. My faith helps me so much, I know my dear lady is in Heaven with no pain or suffering and that consoles me. God bless
Hi , so sorry for your loss . It’s a year since my husband died . And no getting any easier to cope without him . It does help posting on here . I get a lot of help and support . It’s only people who have lost there true love that understands. Xtake carex
Your response is so comforting for me. I have some wonderful friends but they are pushing me to “ join “ things, “ walk or cycle or swim etc, make a new life and stop “wallowing “ in self pity. They do this out of love and frustration for and with me. But I’m struggling to follow these suggestions. I now feel even more of a failure. It’s made me want to hide away and if I am so annoying to be with maybe I should hide away.
Oh Hazel, I’m so sorry that your friends are making you feel like a failure. You are NOT and until it happens to them, they can have no understanding as to how you feel.
Perhaps tell them politely but firmly that everyone grieves in their own way and time and they are not helping you.
It is still such early days for you so please do not expect too much of yourself. It’s been 16 months for me now and yet to me, it still seems like yesterday.
As to wallowing in self pity, I wonder how they would be feeling if they were in your situation. We have every right to feel sorry for ourselves as our future was taken from us and we’ve been catapulted into a life we didn’t ask for or want.
We all need friends who are supportive and not judgemental.
Please look after yourself and take all the time you need,
X Julie
Hi Hazel3, I am so sorry for your loss. Your friends cannot know how it feels to lose someone if they have not experienced it.
I lost my brother in February this year and I am also still struggling to cope. He had a heart attack, and any attempt to save him failed. I was told that he hand no chance to survive.
I did not want to do anything for the first few weeks. But later, I found that walking did lower my anxiety level. It also took me a long time to talk to someone until a woman in the park said hello and started a conversation. To my surprise, I even enjoyed it, and I still talk to her several times a week. I also have made friends with two neighbours. And now, we often go shopping together. Afterwards we go to a local charity shop and have coffee and cake, and we just talk. - What I want so say is that we have to try. Small steps only. And, take a chance. - (OK, I hardly talk to some of my old friends now.)
Before I forget! I also joined a local Bereavement Support Group. We just talk and have coffee and cake. The first time I went there I did not know what expect, but it is much better than I hoped for. (I just wish it would be more often.) - Perhaps you have a group near your also.
Hi everyone I am creeping up too the 12months , this last few weeks have been horrendous…I felt like I had gone backwards The raw feelings of sadness, anxiety ,feeling lost lonely and constantly crying came crashing back harder than ever .I know it’s because I miss him so so much. My friends have started to change the subject if I talk about him ,so I don’t do it any more. One close friend keeps telling me how excited she is for Christmas!!! David died 29.12.21…its not her fault but it really hurts . I ,like others here find sanctuary in my own home even though I am so lonely…feeling scared and anxious is the worst for me …I just want him back …so fed up of crying…love to everyone here feeling this pain x
Hi , it seems to be getting worse for me since I have passed all the firsts . I still always cried a lot but now I just break down and cry most of the time . I hate this life / existence without my husband . I put a brave face on at work , but most of the people there annoy me with there petty arguments with there husband’s . I just want my husband here with me so I can love him kiss him hug him talk to him ,just be with him . I know that will never happen . It just hurts like hell . People tell me it gets easier in time . But they have never lost there husband . Sorry you are feeling the same way , sending a big hug . And strength and love to help us all xtake carex
I feel the same 17 months and I feel worse with grief. Christmas is coming and dark nights and I don’t think that helps any of us. Christmas without the most important person in our lives is dreadful. Especially with everyone talking about it presents parties Most people assume Christmas is a happy time for everyone and don’t realise it is so so hard for others x