Is anyone having to cope with multiple bereavement?

I had a small family…My Uncle(more like a Dad) died suddenly and unexpectedly in May 2017.My Dad was frail but had no terminal illness,he died in May 2018.
That left me with my partner of 39years,we couldn’t have children and a brother neice and nephew.
My partner died suddenly and unexpectedly on 19th.if January 2022 and it hit me like a train,medical negligence is involved and I still don’t know the cause of death.
I am now living alone my brother and I have never been close.He attended the funeral in February and I haven’t seen him since.
I have no other relatives but a few good friends.I feel utterly bereft and I live in a small village and don’t drive.
I look back and think just 5years ago I had a full and happy life.It’s as though everything and everyone and life as I knew it has evaporated…is there anyone here that is dealing with similar circumstances.x

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Oh Pushkin
I hear you.
I lost my parents in 2007 and 2009, I’m not really close to my sister twice a year that sort of thing.
I had three men in my life that I loved, my Dad now gone, my Brother and my husband.
I also had an uncle and aunt that I was close to especially as they had no kids and after losing my parents.
In Sept 2015 my husband was diagnosed ith Pulmonary Fibrosis., in Nov after biopsies they said it was idiopathic, which meant no one and nothing to blame (he was 56), but a prognosis of 3-5 yrs to live.
I wanted to sell everything and head off around the world. He wanted to keep things as normal as possible and we hoped for a transplant as he was young and otherwise fit.
My brother was my rock, he said whatever happens I’ll be here you won’t be alone to manage.
In Nov 2016 my brother rang to tell me he had stage 4 bowel cancer and had a life expectancy of 2-3months.
Gary my husband kept working until July 2018 when he just couldn’t, but was told he was tool well to be on the transplant list.
Mike my brother endured chemo, radio therapy, surgeries, on and on til it went to his lungs and then his brain.
Gary died suddenly at home in July 2019, my brother died in Dec 2019.
Then my Aunt died in Jan 2020, then the pandemic struck, my husbands dog had to be put to sleep in March, then I tried to help my uncle remotely between Wales and England but he died in Dec 2021.
I do have two daughters (that’s a whole other subject) but the truth is we are all just broken shadows of our former selves.
My sister in law tries to keep both our spirits up remotely. I try to be there for my daughters.
The truth is so much grief is cumulative. You just can’t process it all.
I went into auto pilot for about 18 months, and whil I’m now realising that this situation won’t now change, I do now have the odd happy moment. Not often and I can easily slip into that dark place, but just sometimes.
I just hope eventually I get more of those moments.
But I hear you, life seems so pointless now.
I’m sending you a huge hug xxx

My heart goes out to you both. I lost my mum and both my parents-in-law close together and it takes time to recover something resembling normal life. At the time no one really bothered about how I felt, just had to get on with life but I think today there is more help and I would advise you to look for local groups so you don’t feel totally alone.
The community is always here for you and I know there are many who know the pain you feel at present. Take care and look after yourselves. S xxx

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You are right Katherine,grief is cumulative.When my Uncle and Dad died although I was very upset and grief stricken I managed to get through only because I had support from my partner who was also very close to them.We helped each other and were were able to live for and with each other.
Malcolm has a son and daughter from a brief marriage but they live and work abroad.
Now Malcolm has gone I don’t know what to do with myself,and how to think straight.I’m not sleeping well and I am
not nterested in food.
Every day I keep wishing is also compounded by some quite serious conditions.
Take care,

I can understand why you volunteer for Due Ryder Susie.I You have gone through so much yourself.
My mental health has deteriorated and right now I just wanted stay in bed.I no do this but I find it so hard to face the world.x

I lost my Mum then three weeks later my Husband :disappointed_relieved:and I have not long lost my Dad. Talk about things coming in threes, Mum and Dad were expected with their age and health issues but my Husband was sudden and unexpected and eclipsed everything to the point I feel I have not properly grieved for my lovely parents :slightly_frowning_face: Life can deal us such a crap hand at times :pensive:

Pushkin28, yes I do volunteer, it helps so much and makes me feel that I am useful.
I have and still do have days that I want to stay in bed and pull up the covers but like you I know it’s not sensible. Ok some days I am sensible but then they are the exception because I am known for being that crazy woman😁
The main thing about this community is we all have ‘got that wet tee shirt’ and somehow we get through it. Keep smiling and remember tomorrow will be ok, well just about. S xx

Mrs Colt, yes it does life do have a habit of dealing us a hard hand, I don’t know if it does it to see if we can deal with but it’s not nice. You take care. S xx

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It’s incredibly hard,it’s just three months since Malcolm and it feels like a lifetime.x

You are so positive Susie,I used to be but right now I can’t even raise a smile.I have some bad health problems which really drag me down.
I also don’t like not knowing what my partner died of,it was so sudden and unexpected and he just dropped dead in the . I have an interim death certificate nothing more.x

I think if we are lucky enough to have caring living parents we spend a lot of years dreading them dying.We see ourselves and our partners as younger so we expect them to be around a lot longer.So when you lose a parent or both of them and then your partner we have a lot of questions…Why! But no real answers.
We love unconditionally but despite that I feel the loss of my partner Malcolm totally devastating…I looked after my Dad for four years not knowing what else would be just around the corner.
I don’t know how to cope.x

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Caring loving parents.x

Pushkin28 three months is no time at all, you are probably still in shock at the suddenness of Malcolm’s passing and won’t believe me if I say it does get easier. In the early days I just wanted to be with Colin, I couldn’t see my life without him. Not only had I lost the love of my life I had also lost the future I thought we were going to have together :slightly_frowning_face: even getting out of bed was an achievement but with support from family and friends and meeting others on here in the same situation I slowly began to turn a corner. I think eventually you accept what you cannot change and realize it is only you who can help yourself by being positive and making a new life. We become strong and independent through necessity :muscle:t3: and although life will never be the same we can make a different life and be happy again and it all takes time but I want you to know you will get there :wink:

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Thank you for your very kind and understanding reply.Could I ask you how long is it since you lost Colin.
I don’t ever see myself being able to accept Malcolm’s death especially as has been established that medical negligence was at the root of it.I still don’t know what killed him but I will probably have to face the ordeal of an inquest.
All I feel is a massive emptiness and grief that is draining the life out of me.
I know there isn’t a time scale for grief I just wish I had an idea of when I might start to feel just a tiny bit better.
I don’t lie in bed all day,I force feed,but I don’t like going for without him.I feel so much more alone unless I stay at home alone.x

It was November 2019 when I lost Colin so I am much further on in this hellish journey than you are. It is not easy and I understand exactly how you are feeling, that dull ache that is constantly there, the emptiness and hollow feeling, uncontrollable crying till you make yourself vomit . Boy do I have the t-shirt :slightly_frowning_face: and like you I never thought it would get any better, I thought that was it, my life was over I was going to live out the time I had left being like Miss Havisham pining for my lost love :disappointed_relieved: I was four months in when lockdown came cutting me off and isolating me from everyone and that is when this forum helped me. I connected with people who have become close and supportive friends ( you know who you are :wink:) we set up a WhatsApp group and had video calls where we cried with eachother and laughed till our stomachs hurt :rofl: it was my saviour and having others who understood made it all a little bit more bearable. Even a year ago I would not believe that where I am now would be possible but I have a great social life I do my own DIY :grimacing: I have started driving again after 40 years and I have a new man in my life :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: Even heading of on holiday soon . No it’s not the life I planned nor the life I wanted but it is turning out better than I ever thought possible. I just want you to know that at some point you will realise that the good days are beginning to outweigh the bad and that maybe life is worth living after all :slight_smile:


I am so pleased for you,you deserve the very best life has to offer and I’m sure Colin would agree.
I’m 64 and no-one knows what is in store.I just wish I could have my health or at least better health.I have complications from radical cancer therapy and need a lot of medical care.Malcolm was always strong,for and well and looked after me very well getting me to medical appointments etc.
We could only take short self catering holidays due to my health.
I have Radiation sickness,Osteoarthritis,and have suffered several Strokes the last one early last year.I am often housebound and dread the thought of care or nursing homes.Malcolm and I were everything to each other and he never complained.x

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I am so sorry to hear all you have to cope with, it is bad enough when we have our health without everything you have to endure on top of your sadness at lossing Malcolm :disappointed_relieved: At 64 you still have a lot of years ahead and at the moment that thought is probably unbearable, I remember thinking why could I not have gone first and I bet you have been thinking the same :slightly_frowning_face: unfortunately it’s not turned out that way but you have got through some terrible times health wise which proves that you are a strong and resilient lady and you can deal with whatever is ahead and face it head on :+1:t3:

Thank you so much for your very supportive message.I agree that it does seem unbearable living without Malcolm for goodness knows how many years.I don’t even know how I have managed to get through three months let alone years to come.
You have also been through a lot and I think it’s wonderful and a credit to you that you have come so far and been able to carve out a future for yourself without Colin,he would be proud and happy for you too I’m quite sure.xx

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Aw thank you for saying that :blush: I am sure Colin would be proud of how far I have come even if I can’t believe it myself at times! You have got through the first three months and still have a long way to go but it is doable, just take it a day at a time and do whatever it takes to get through the day :+1:t3: everyone’s grief is different there are no hard and fast rules just do what works for you, you will get there :kissing_heart:

Well whatever you have done at least you managed to get through the very worst of it and although you will still love Colin and no doubt always will you have come such a long way from the darkest of times.
I only hope I can do the same.x

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