is anyone there, I am all alone

I lost my beautiful husband on 5 October. he was only 44. We were each other’s worlds. i have no one literally to talk to or for support. I am here alone and I am scared. Is anyone there?

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Hi gns247. I lost my partner of 28 years a year ago last Tuesday, the 18th. I’ve been writing on this group on and off ever since. Everyone on here has lost someone close so we all understand how you’re feeling. Over the months I’ve found it comforting and helpful to pour out my pain and my grief to strangers far easier than trying to explain how I feel to friends and family. When you ask if there’s anyone there there’s many of us so please continue to post about how you feel if it helps.

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thanks for answering. I know that you all understand, really understand, what it feels like. I know what you mean, it does seem easier to talk to strangers. I am just so alone in my grief and have no one here to support me.

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Hi @gns247.
I’m here as well.
My lovely husband died in March this year so I’m further down this rocky road than you but it all still feels relatively new and strange to me.
Your bereavement is still so recent I can imagine you are still trying to work out which way is up.
We’re all here for the same or similar reason, sadly, having lost a loved one so can empathise with that feeling of “everything is down to me and I don’t really know what I’m doing”.
As Peter says, talk to us if you feel it will help.
Rant, rave, tell us about your beautiful husband if you wish to.
Anything that you want to say - we’ll listen and some of us will talk back to you.
You aren’t alone - even though it feels very much like you are.

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I’m sorry that you’ve no one I suppose in that respect I’m lucky although we didn’t have children I have a friend that comes to see me every week and my partners brother and his family don’t live far from me although I now live alone and do spend most of the time myself. She hadn’t been well for years and I had given up work several years before to look after her so we had been together 24 hours a day so it came as a huge shock to suddenly be alone. I’m so sorry for your loss especially as he was so young.

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thanks for answering. I feel like I will always be like this. I cant handle it. He was the most perfect man there ever was. We just adored each other. We hardly spent any time apart in our 20 years. I cant believe this is reality. It never should have happened but it did and now I am all alone. Always alone without him and now with no one here to at least keep me company.
I had my mother here and although we don’t have a great relationship, she drove hours to be with me and stay until I didn’t need her anymore but today she decided to up and go for no reason just saying that she thought I should be on my own. That is the opposite of what I need. I am scared to be on my own. I have not a single person to talk to or ask to come over. I don’t even drive so I cant even do things that require that to look after myself. I don’t know how she can just leave me like that. I feel so helpless and guilty over Greg’s passing and now I feel worthless and hopeless.

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I live alone too.
We had no children and neither of our families live nearby.

I’m so sorry that you feel abandoned by your mother.
Did she maybe think that you wouldn’t get used to being alone as long as she stayed with you?
Whatever her reasoning, it does sound as if she didn’t handle it with much sensitivity.

It must be particularly difficult if you feel afraid on your own.

It is such early days in this process for you, with so many new and different things to try to adapt to.

No wonder you feel overwhelmed.

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I’m not sure why she left. It has only been just over two weeks. She has a habit of acting like this but I never thought that she would leave me at this time in my life when I am going through the toughest time I ever will. We have no children either. I’m glad that other people here are always there for someone to talk to or just listen.

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Hi again gns247. I appreciate your dreadful loss is very recent and if you’re anything like I was I’m sure at the moment your heads all over the place but I wonder if you have thought about some form of counselling particularly as you say you’re alone. I personally didn’t go down this route but reading posts on here many people have and still are because they have found it a help. My best wishes to you.

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I lost my husband 4 weeks ago and I am totally devastated. Now started having sobbing panic attacks I feel so alone x

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Hi peterj, I’m a total mess and I have been thinking of counselling and not knowing where to turn to. I tried to contact a couple of places yesterday as I was really really overwhelmed and panicked when my mum walked out and they weren’t very helpful but I think I will try again today. Its morning here and i dread this time. the start of every long lonely day without Greg. I’m not sure if it will help either but I want to try something. Sometimes just being able to talk seems to make the moment more tolerable but then of course it all changes again once that stops. Thanks for responding. How long ago did you lose your partner? I am so sorry that anyone has to go through this. I don’t know how anyone does it.

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Hi Alyson.r. Devastated doesn’t seem to be enough of a word does it. No words describe what you are feeling. No words can make you feel any better or ease the pain. I have sobbing panic attacks too. I am feeling the exact same way. lost and heartbroken. I hope you can find some comfort here as you post more or just read other posts.

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gns247. I lost her a year ago. Really thought by now that I would have accepted that she’d gone, not forgotten just accepted, but I haven’t. I’m sure this isn’t what you want to hear becourse this is so new for you. It’s midnight here and I’m looking at photos of her and crying becourse I’ve drunk too much. I’m 70 years old not young like you. In time you will recover from this becourse you must. You’ve got a lot of life left in front of you and you must find a way to live it. I feel for you so much because of you age. Although I’m not planning to go anywhere just yet, although extremely lonely, I’m content with my situation. Life seems so unfair at times but it is what it is and we really have no choice but to get on with it. I know I said it before but I am so sorry for you loss. Its cruel and unkind and I so feel for you. xx

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peterj. a year ago is still so new. I cant imagine a year from now. I cant imagine an hour from now. I thought we both had a long life ahead too but life cruelly took Greg away from me and our future. I’m too scared to even think about living a life without him in it. It seems so long, the years I may have by myself. we had made so many recent plans. thanks for your kind words. It is so unfair and I cant bear it. I’m sorry for your loss too. no matter our age its still unbearable to be without our person. xx

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gns247. I first met Jo when I was a teenager but I didn’t know her well. We went our separate ways. I got married in the seventies so did she. As it turned out she got divorced ten years later and continued with her life. My marriage lasted twenty years and ended in divorce. We met again in 1993 and moved in together and were together until she passed away last year. I should have married her in the seventies. I said that to her once and she said if we hadn’t both married the wrong people the first time we wouldn’t know the difference. Clever woman. Tell me about Greg. How did you meet?

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peterj. To have met again like that you were meant to be together. what a clever woman to have said that. you were together for nearly 30 years and its never enough is it. i met Greg in 2002 in another state in a nightclub and it was love at first sight. I moved in within a month and we hardly were apart for our beautiful 20 years. we spent time in his state and then moved to mine and would go back and forth we were thinking of maybe going back there just the other week. he wanted to live in the country with a view of a lake or on our east coast with the most beautiful beaches we had ever seen together. He is such a special person. So kind-hearted, caring, devoted, generous, passionate, funny and smart. I feel so happy he picked me. We did everything together. He always cared about what was happening to other people and even though his family were distant, he always cared for them and made such efforts to reconnect with them and them with each other. he cares so deeply for me. I didn’t think a love like ours was even possible. He wrote and played his own music, the guitar. He loved driving his Alfa’s, the only car he would want to ever own. he loved animals and would never ever harm one. he is so smart. he seemed to know everything about everything. he is the only one that could make me feel safe and nothing was too hard with him by my side. i cant believe that something like this happened to him. i guess we all think that. he was so young and full of love and life and just wanted to make me happy forever and we had so many plans. how can this be reality? i am so sad if that is even the right word.

Hello @gns247
So sorry for your loss. You will find many lovely people on here who will support you.
Your husband sounds lovely and talented playing guitar and writing his own music, did he play to you a lot?
My Marti was 56 when he died, he was cheeky, happy and full of life, I so miss him, it’s been so hard and I have some days I cope and other days I can’t stop crying.
Are you near a big city to jump on a bus and go to support groups, I found it helped me meeting others to support each other through the most horrific time in our lives. Some Church’s have groups for support too. We really understand your pain and don’t think of the future, its scary isnt it, just take one day at a time.
Sending you hugs
Amy x

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When I was introduced to Jo again by a mutual friend nobody would have realised how it would turn out. If you knew me you’d realise that I am the last person to make snap discisions but I just knew that to be with her was the right thing to do. Took all my friends by surprise. If I’m honest it took me by surprise too. I never once regretted my discision in 1993. Its so difficult when memories come into your mind to focus on the good ones more often than not its the ones that are not so good that arrive first but you have to force them out of your mind and think of all the good times you had together and concentrate on them. If anybody had asked me if I believed in love at first sight I would have said no but then I experienced it first hand and changed my mind. Thank you for telling me about Greg. I’ve found that my friends don’t seem to want to mention Jo so I bring her name up in conversation. It’s probably because they feel they may upset me but to me it keeps her memory alive, not that that’s a problem in my head because she’s always there.

Hi
I too lost my husband on 5 October - 4 days before our 21st wedding anniversary
He was 49.
I am wobbling between being super practical and sobbing

Amy49. thanks for reaching out. the future is so scary and I am just trying so hard to focus on the hours of this day but the future pops in there at times, especially when I am reminded of what we were meant to be doing and of course how empty it will be without Greg. yes, he would always play the guitar for me. I’m so sorry for your loss too. The feelings are so overwhelming aren’t they. I bet you miss Marti so much. I don’t really live near any of the bigger towns but I am trying to work out if there is a support group somewhere close but I am not ready to venture out yet. thanks for your caring words x

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