peterj. you must have just known she was your person. some people aren’t as lucky as us. I can’t count how many times someone has said about our love and how they only wish they had it and that it was so obvious we adored each other. I feel sad that they have never had that, so I cherish it and feel so privileged to have experienced that with Greg for 20 years but how I wish so bad that it was so much more. I was just talking to myself saying think of all the great memories but at the moment the memories are making me sadder. Just like you wrote. I am stuck on relieving his passing over and over and the what-ifs and I have tremendous guilt. People say its all part of it but I don’t know. I wish I could just have happy memories all the time but I guess this is all part of this horrible experience we all must take. I don’t think people really know how to act sometimes around grieving people, especially if they have never had the loss of a partner themselves. I agree with you that talking about them keeps their memory alive but yeah same here, I will never forget a single thing about Greg and us, ever.
gns247. When you say you are alone you mentioned Greg’s family can you not reach out to them for support? I’ve been lucky I suppose Jo had four brothers and a sister who have always supported me and continue to do so for which I will always be greatful.
MrsMurphy. I am so sorry for your loss. It’s so raw. It’s just so unbelievable to imagine them not here. I hope you find some comfort here. it was my first post here yesterday and I can’t thank everyone enough for responding as I am so alone and this has helped me feel connected to other people going through the same thing and you know everyone here unfortunately really does understand.
peterj. his family are very dysfunctional if that is the right way to describe them. they were not in contact with Greg when he was going through this and had never visited him. they came here for the service but it would have been nice if they had made an effort for the years that we lived here but that doesn’t matter now. So its hard to reach out to them as I barely know them really. I have had distant relationships with a couple of them and his mum but I don’t feel they really knew Greg as they had not been a part of his life for so long. it is a sad situation. I’m glad that you have Jo’s family there for support. it must make such a difference.
Hi gns247,
So sad to read that you are alone in your grief, there’s always someone on here to chat to. Could your GP put you in touch with a councillor? Not sure where you are but there may be a support group nearby?
I, like you lost my wonderful wife only 4 weeks ago. Luckily I have family support but I don’t want to burden my daughter too much as she has her own baby who needs her love. I find being at home surrounded by Elaine’s stuff is a comfort. When I cry, I cry into her pillow x
Peter, try to avoid drinking too much, it just makes things worse.
We are all in this together xx
Hi IanL. thanks and I’m sorry for your recent loss also. So many of us with similar stories and timing. I have rang a few helplines today but they are not offering much help. It is a bit alarming really, the lack of support I have encountered. Greg is everywhere in our house. I don’t ever want to move or remove any of his stuff. I wear his clothes and also sleep with his pillow too. The feelings I have when I look at his picture or any of his things is so overwhelming. I had a bad episode before going through photos and also photos taken at his service which were very confronting. I love looking at him. Its just so raw. it has been comforting being on here and having people responding. we are all going through this together here even in our own separate ways xx
I lost my lovely Husband on 25th September, suddenly, although he had been ill a little while. We had both been divorced before we met and our marriage was everything I had hoped it would be. We adored each other. I feel so alone and completely out of my depth. I have a Son who lives about 15 miles away, but he has a partner and little boy, so I try not to pester him. I also have a grown up Grandson who is a sweetheart but he has his own life too. I feel just like you, gns247, I wonder if there are any social groups where we could meet people like ourselves, trying to cope with “life” and grief. The company would be nice. I have never felt so lonely., can’t sleep and dread the day ahead.
Hi megsywegsy. the feelings are overwhelming aren’t they and I think it’s hard for other people to even try and say something as nothing feels enough. Would your son really think you were pestering him? I have been searching today for such groups or similar online at the times when I felt I could and I think maybe you should too. I just want that too, some company, as the feeling of being all alone is too much to handle. it’s so true, can’t sleep and dread the day ahead. i feel connected at least when i am talking on here. I hope you can too.
Thank you for your message. No he probably wouldn’t, but he would worry and his partner is having problems with stress at the moment, so I don’t feel I can load him up. Did you find any groups? I may ring Cruse to ask for help and ask them about such groups. I am doing as much as I can to help myself but feel so overwhelmed at times. It’s a beautiful day here today and my Husband loved his garden, I may go out there and try to do some tidying up. The fresh air will do me good and give me something else to focus on. I hope we can both feel better soon. x
I know how you feel it’s heartbreaking,I lost my beautiful husband on 12th October and he was only 46. He was my whole world and I don’t know how to begin to go on without him. Mainly I just feel lost
Oh Caz that is only a week, you must still be in shock. Lean on whoever you can, family and friends, support groups. Don’t try to cope alone x
For me it’s a month, and I still can’t believe what has happened
Oh sweetheart. It’s only been 4 weeks for me and I am totally, absolutely heartbroken. We are all here knowing howcwe all feel xx
Hi there
I cannot agree more with what’s been said here. You are still in a state of shock and will be for a while yet. You know the world is going on around you but you don’t seem part of it - I still feel like that after 18 months sometimes but not as often as before. Please reach out for support to anyone that offers it you’ll need it now more than ever. After one week I didn’t know what day it was, what time it was it all just seemed to be a blur.
BIG hugs
Georgina
I lost my wife rather suddenly almost three months ago. we were together for thirty years and now I feel like you that I’m all alone. I have three step children who are grown up and leading their own lives now and while I see my stepdaughter nearly every week I dont see the boys which is sad because we all had a good relationship when their mum was alive. no doubt lonelyness is the single most painfull result of losing someone really close after te actual grief for the one you’ve lost. I wish there was a glib answer to your problem and mine but its something that no one has adressed so far as far as I know.
You are not alone. We are all here. Only 4 weeks since I lost my husband, soul mate and love of my life. The loneliness is terrible, the heartbreak unbearable, but here we can ask, or say what we are feeling, and all understand. I don’t feel humiliated or stupid for saying how I’m feeling on here. Please know we are all here and all grieving. Xx
Hi David. I lost my partner a year ago this month. We were together 28 years. I’m not far off your age at 70.Its tough isn’t it? We’re all here for you.
My partner was all I had in the world that’s why I thought I would try this group
Hi Caz
I keep looking for ‘signs’ (and I was never this sort of person - before 5 October - my ‘old’ life - when I had Tony with me
Tonight still tidying up (outlaws arrive tomorrow for funeral on Monday) and I get distracted by looking at photos
I come down and on TV is Coldplay (1 of the songs We have chosen for the funeral is Coldplay)
I am worried that after the (busyness of the) funeral I won’t be able to cope with the emptiness
So sorry for your loss and the heartache that seems to take over your life. I’m sorry to say once the funeral has come and gone you then have to deal with “now what”. ?? Life will never be the same for any of us that have gone through this pain but sadly life does go on around you and it’ll be a while before you feel you can put one foot in front of the other and function close to how you did before.
Be strong and do your loved one proud 🥲
Big hugs
Georgina
megsywegsy, I understand you not wanting to burden your son at the moment. I hope you find some support too. I haven’t had much luck finding groups but I will try again tomorrow (Monday here). I’ve only managed to do one thing and that was go out in the garden on our first sunny spring day (which was extremely hard but I said nothing is hard anymore or every again compared to what Greg was going through) and tidied up, so I think that is a wonderful way to honour your husband xx.