It will be 9 weeks this Saturday since I lost my beloved husband. The thought of Christmas without him fills me with absolute dread. I don’t have family near me and I don’t drive, I know hardly any people in my area as we kept ourselves to ourselves. I feel safe and comfortable in our home so happy to spend Christmas by myself. My family and friends are horrified by this but surely it’s my choice?
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I lost my mum 2 years ago this Christmas and now my husband has gone I really don’t want to do Christmas this year. People keep saying to me oh you can’t have Christmas by yourself but to me it’s no different to any other day now. I’m sure my husband would hate the fact I’m being like this but I’m sure he’d understand too.x
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I have followed your posts for quite a while now and often wondered how you cope knowing how ill your husband was,nursing him and looking after your two sons and now having just read your comment saying that he passed away on Tuesday just increases the pain. I am sorry to hear your news and send you my best wishes for everything you need to carry on. Take care.
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I’m very much with you on this one,sod what other people think or suggest. Tell them if they want to swap places then fine but until they know how you feel zip it. lol.
I have been in quite a bit of turmoil about Xmas,no family close by,no friends because I never needed or worked to develop them and simply dread the thought of Xmas in any shape or form. I’m trying to avoid shops and town centres because I don’t want to hear Xmas carols etc,
I have spent weeks considering going away; The Caribean,Canary Isles,Spain where we lived,Isle of Wight,Scotland,Ilkley,Eastbourne … seriously no wonder I feel as though I’m going mad.
I have now decided to stay at home and live with the pain,also going to do some decorating so come the 23rd December I will have everything I need so doors locked and the radio on. Somehow I’m starting to feel it’s the right thing to do. It isn’t going to be very nice but it would be worse if I had to spend it with family or friends.
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@Nori omg I didn’t realise it was that recent. I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s never easy no matter what time of year but you have a lot going on. Sending lots of love to you and your boys.x
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@miker so sorry for your loss also it’s such a hard thing to deal with. I’ve also been trying to avoid shops but I work in one so need to get used to being back around people. I’ve been off work 8 weeks and I know for my own sanity I need to go back. I’m spending too much time on my own. My workplace has been understanding and supportive. I’m going in tomorrow to discuss a phased return. Sending you a hug.
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I can’t do Xmas anymore I lost my sister and mum 3 weeks apart Dec/Jan my sister took her own life 
You should do what you feel is right for you don’t feel pressured into doing something it’s only 1 day of the year you could always say that you will meet up them ither before or after Xmas please be kind to yourself
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I too have decided to spend Christmas alone. People round here don’t even speak so it suits me. Would have been husband’s birthday January also our anniversary in January…to be honest i really don’t feel like putting on a brave face for any one or to make them feel uncomfortable. I’ve got my dog and I’ll be fine. I think it’s up to us to decide what to do. Take care
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I too lost my pat 4/years ago since then I have hot put a Christmas tree or any decoration since she passed. I’ve come to hate dis time of the year My family don’t understand how we all feel to me it’s like an ordinary day but I always light a candle on Christmas Eve at 7 o clock on the dot makes me feel closer to pat So keep ur chin up keep safe and god Bless you all Tony 1
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i do love xmas and its 20 months since hubby died, however at the end of the day its just one day, no different from any other day. we never did family at xmas, our reasoning was if they cant be bothred about us during the yr there is no way we want to know at xmas. you do what you want to do regardless. plus i cant afford to have the tree up this yr, electric is too exspensive
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I agree 100 per cent thinking of you maybe some day we will get some sort of a life so until then Keep your chin up stay safe and god Bless us all Tony 1
Hi @Helen24 . Yes absolutely right to spend Xmas on your own, if that’s what you want.
Thats exactly what Im doing. But thats slightly untrue, because Im spending it with my wife, only in my heart and memory.
People always want to be kind, but dont understand.
Ive had plenty of invites, but I kindly turn them down, saying "No matter what you think, Ill be a lot happier on my own, and they all respect it. Ive said, if you want to, give me a video call during the day, or pop in for a quick sherry.
Unless they’ve been through this journey, they cant understand what we think. Never do anything only because others think you should.
Have a lovely Xmas, I will!
PS Im having or giving no presents or cards, but Ive put up some decorations! Not a lot, just a fluffy snowman next to Penny’s photo, to keep her company.
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Hi @tykey thank you for your message. I change my mind now from day to day. I’m back to work now so getting used to being around people again and trying to grow my confidence again. I’ve got 3 days off for Christmas so thinking that’s a step back being alone for 3 whole days. My stepson has offered me to go there for dinner then they will bring me home. I did put my tree up but that’s because Steve made some beautiful baubles to go on there. I’m getting used to being alone but I hate it sometimes although I do talk and write to Steve all the time.
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Hi again @Helen24.
I found holidays difficult for a while.
Penny and I always seemed to finish up in Anglesey, and we had great times there. I didnt think I could ever go again, without her.
But this year I decided to be brave, and hired a shepherds hut. I went with the firm intention of going to places where our memories were made. I went to the beaches, sat on a rock watching our dogs go berserk chasing each other. I recalled all our memories, and talked to her about them.
It was a great success which shows my fears are much less than reality.
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Hi @tykey how lovely and how brave of you. Steve had never been abroad until we got together 13 years ago. From our first one to Majorca to the many, many more we had he got the bug. We would be on holiday and he’d be planning the next. We had so many plans to visit so many other places but now I’m not sure I could do it. We were on holiday in Spain in September when he passed away. Even if it means I have holidays in this country I want to do him proud and keep his memory alive.
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I feel exactly the same. So called friends haven’t bothered to call or anything. They’ll just be me and the dog which suits me. I really don’t care what people think. I’ve had a few cards but haven’t put them up all say have a good Christmas. I’m going do do exactly as i want. Take care. X
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I like to spend Christmas on my own i feel it’s my time with my pat Thinking of all the good times we had together Nobody can take that away from me God bless you all Ps don’t forget to light ur candle on Christmas Eve at 7 for our loved ones sending hugs and kisses to all 
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Do wants right for you everyone is different your friends should understand it’s your choice
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Thanks rolo I still think people don’t understand how we all feel. We deal with in our own way. It may take longer for some of us to get some sort of life back. So have a good Christmas chin up and keep the faith God bless you all
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I totally understand it’s so hard heart broken is not the word devastated and trying to carry on hope u find the strength 