It’s been nearly 5 months since I lost my husband but it still doesn’t seem real, is this normal?
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Hello Gentle5
I’m sorry for your loss.
I lost my Mum just over 4 months ago and it doesn’t seem real to me either so yes, I think this is quite a normal way to feel.
I think you’ll find a lot of people here will agree.
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Hello NJL and I’m so very sorry you lost your mum. It is early days for you too. I am sure that’s true, take care, hugs.
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I don’t know if you can be considered normal using the likes of me as a yardstick but yes I feel the same.
Almost 6 months for me since my husband died… I kinda feel like my old life was a lovely dream I maybe made up. I wake up sometimes and the dream I was dreaming feels more real than what I woke up into which is a weird nightmare. I try to live in small units of time to keep the peace with myself where possible. Nothing feels real… I am sure I got lost and ended up in the wrong life as mine wasn’t like that and I’m not like this.
Everything is messed up… it’s weird isn’t it.
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Hello Fleurdelis,
It really is weird, everything around us is the same but our lives have changed for ever and our brain can’t accept that. It’s like…how can he just be gone?
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I agree. I keep saying to people - how can this have happened? I just want to wake up and find out it was just a nightmare. It can’t be real, can it?
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It’s those moments, that are now crystal clear in my mind of things that happened just before he died (2 months for me).
I know he won’t walk back down the garden path to the door, but with things so recent it still feels likely. The mind can be a cruel place 
I don’t think there is any normal in grief.
Mxx
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Hello Jules4 and Merrin,
It was such a shock as he felt a bit tired so went for a blood test and he was diagnosed with advanced cancer and gone in a few weeks, and I haven’t come to terms with it, he didn’t get really ill, just went downhill within a few days. He was my whole world and it just seems so cruel.
Thinking of you both, we have try and cope somehow. 
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Hi @Gentle5
So sorry for your loss.I feel the same . I lost my husband 17 weeks ago . He was given 12 months and went within four weeks and in those four weeks he was in hospital for 16 nights . It really doesn’t seem real and I’m trying to get through it as best as I can , good days/bad days , it really is an emotional rollercoaster .
Hello Gentle5.
I know what you mean, it is 5 months since I lost my husband, he passed away in November last year and it still doesn’t feel real. It is really an emotional roller coaster, I can truly say I weep at some point everyday. I sit alone in the evening and I can’t believe this is my reality from now on. I never imagined that my grief would be so all consuming.
Christy
Hello Kim G and Christie,
It’s the evenings and nights that I dread, the loneliness is awful, we could never have imagined how painful this would be, I miss him so much and think of him every minute of the day.
Hello all, it is exhausting isn’t it. I can cope with the evenings (just!) watch whatever is on tv and switch off!
Days are worse and usually when I end up in tears. I’m sat in the sun now crying and thinking about what we would have been doing on a beautiful day like this.
Gardening together, going for a walk in the countryside, a drive in the car to a bookshop or garden centre, birdwatching or just sitting together on the garden with a cuppa having a good old chin wag.
I’m desperately wanting to go to all those places to be close to him.and remember, but I know it will just be heartbreaking. But I can’t bear the thought of never going to them again and so here we are stuck, just trying to get through each day the best we can.
This was Geoff’s favourite time of year so that makes me even sadder.
Love and hugs 
Jacky
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Jacky that sounds just like us… walking, birdwatching, gardening or going for a drive (him driving, i don’t drive and public transport here is rubbish so i feel like my freedom went with him). We used to be in various garden centres throughout the week after work and usually go for our breakfast (lockdown permitting) in one at the weekend. My mum and stepdad offered to take me to the plant shop at a local farm that was one of the ones in our repertoire as the garden could use some cheap bedding plants but I don’t know if I can bear to go without my husband.
Driving is one of the big things on my list as if i could drive his car (which is a hire purchase I’m paying for each month) then maybe it would make me feel better to do our old routines but maybe it would make me feel worse, i dunno. I do need to try as he used to take me to/from work too and taxis will be over £100 a week for the same… I can’t seem to go further with driving at the moment though as i feel half mental from everything else and just trying to keep breathing on a daily basis.
If I hadn’t seen him with my own eyes (he died in front of me 10 minutes or so after telling me he had backpain and would have a bath to relieve it, he seemed totally healthy) i wouldn’t believe he could possibly have died and just be deleted from my life so fast and every single thing to be so strange now. It has crossed my mind that I wish I didn’t have him cremated in case there was a terrible mistake coz seriously how can this be real…
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Hi FleurDeLis and Jacko25,
My heart goes out to you. We did everything together, we enjoyed walks in the countryside or by the sea, I can’t imagine going to all those places without him, the lovely holidays we shared with our dog, staying in pretty cottages or b and b’s. all over the UK. People say ‘ you will make a new life for yourself’ but I don’t want that without him. I thought we would have many more years together, he was never ill so it was a complete shock when he got that diagnosis. Take care, big hugs. Xx
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It’s so very hard Christy,
My husband also died in November and I am totally lost without him,
So sorry for your loss, grief comes in waves, you think you are coping ok and then the tears come and you feel completely overwhelmed.
Big hugs. Xx
That’s exactly what we’d have been doing. Every day seems to have been sunny and I would have been enjoying it with him. I almost don’t want to go outside in it as it just makes it even more obvious he’s not here. I still can’t understand how my life has gone from being extremely happy to desperately unhappy with the flip of a coin. Sending hugs
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Hi Gentle
My Ron was not ill even at the point of diagnosis. He just felt his food was sticking in his throat. He had pancreatic cancer but tumour wrapped around an artery. He started being ill and losing weight when he had chemo and a Nano knife op killed him because he was not strong enough. I still wish he had carried on as normal without treatment as he had no pain and the cancer never spread. Who knows he could still be carrying on in ignorance. Instead I am living this awful unreality and crippled with grief
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Dear Angie,
I am so sorry, it’s so heartbreaking and we are torturing ourselves thinking what if’s, there is nothing we can do to change what’s happened, we just want our loved ones back and sadly that’s not possible. My husband was told very bluntly…there is nothing we can do for you… he wouldn’t have been strong enough for chemo anyway. I do hope you have family or friends that can help and support you, take care sending a big hug. Xx
Hello to all on this thread, I don’t drive either so like you, lots of places we went to are now out of reach.
We always went up onto the moors in the Peak District nr where we live at this time of year looking and listening for curlew, one of his favourite birds. I so want to go and listen to them too, but if I just go to the supermarket it sets me off, so don’t know what that will do to me.
I just feel like I owe it to him to try and live my life how he wanted to live his and not waste it, but that is a lot easier said than done.
On the odd occasion that death crossed up in a conversation we used to talk about people who had been left behind after a partner died and how they gave in. We promised not to do the same. How naive were we!!!
Even though we said I love you every day, we never understood the pain this would bring, so I’ll keep trying my best, thats all I can do.
Geoff was never ill either, just this bloody covid.
He’d be here if not for that! 
All the days seem the same, just doing what I need to get through but no contentment.
Love and hugs Jacky
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Hi Jacko
People say’ hold on to the memories’ but thinking of us together doing everything we loved just makes me miss him more because he should still be here so we can make more memories together. It seems strange writing this because he still seems so ‘real’ to me like he could walk in the door and it’s all been a horrible nightmare. Take care hugs…x
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