Is this normal?

Losing a partner
1

It’s 18 weeks since My husband died suddenly of a heart attack, he was 54. I was sort of coping but now have anxiety and feel terrible. Is this normal? Need some support

2

Hello Carolas,

I’m I roughly the same time frame as you, 102 days since my dear wife died.

I find myself at a stage where I become enormously anxious about the slightest change to my routine. Things which I know are not really significant assume horribly disproportionate dimensions in my mind, and I then go through hell imagining the worst possible cases.
Is that how you are ?

Even losing some every day, replaceable object can set me off. Yes, I can buy another one, but what is wrong with me, why do I keep losing things, am I losing my mind, is how it goes.

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3

Hi Edwin
I’m so sorry about your wife,
Yes I woke up with a really bad sore throat and starting panicking because I realised I was alone without Paul for the first time and the anxiety kicked in. Just feel like a child.

4

I am in the same time frame but lost my daughter. I think it is because shock gradually wears off and the senses are now heightened. Small things seem huge problems. Maybe we can only cope with so much that with senses returning the slightest thong triggers anxiety.
I feel I have definitely entered a new phase in grieving. Try to tell my self it is not better or worse but just part of it.
Hope you all have as reasonable a day as possible
X

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5

I’ll avoid slight thongs.

Shouldn’t be too difficult.

6

Hi Carolas, sorry to hear you’re not feeling well this morning. When you have been so loved and cared for, this is one of the times that can make you feel so vulnerable and alone. Anxieties arise over general issues that would not have caused concern previously. I’ve tried several different ways to reduce my anxiety level, muscle relaxation, mindfulness and anxiety audio from the NHS moodzone, to name a few, it’s just finding something that helps, even a little. Take care, x

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Thanks Rainbow I will try some of your suggestions hopefully they will help x

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So sorry about your daughter
Yes I think this stage is different, just hope I get a more peaceful day x

9

It is 9 months since I lost my husband, and initially I needed tablets to help get out of the door because of anxiety. And I am not an anxious person. I don’t use them now. Some days I don’t have any anxiety, but others I feel really anxious just dealing with official paperwork - and during our marriage I dealt with all paperwork. Now, I accept there are some days I’m not capable, some days when I am and some days I just do it, because the fear is causing more anxiety than the action itself. Be kind to yourself, and ask for help, if and when you can.

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I also lost my partner suddenly in May to a heart attack he was only 48. The first few weeks I was in shock , then I was frightened, angry and anxious so it is normal to have so many emotions due to bereavement. I am on medication as well.
Christine x

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I used to work in Organisational Development and Change Management. Anxiety was a very common problem for people in the workplace in times of rapid and continuous change. We all know that change is normal and when it’s gradual or incremental it is generally not a big problem. Bereavement is extremely traumatic and, in all likelihood, we haven’t experienced much that gives us any terms of reference for dealing with it. In a workplace one can usually identify actual concerns and tackle responses. In bereavement the anxiety is almost intangible and deep seated. It might help to work out if it is possible to identify particular fears, to isolate them, and look at ways of dealing with them but maybe talking therapies would help address the residue, the main part of which just sits there. It’s easy to see why particular drugs are prescribed to alleviate symptoms but they don’t really address the issues. I don’t think anybody has an ‘abnormal’ response as such but it’s possible to think yourself into what become self fulfilling prophesies. That might be when an intervention becomes necessary. As for fear of the future we really can not control how it will pan out. A lot of it is out of our hands. Short termism is my way to go.

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12

Oh Edwin! That actually made me smile. My daughter would have teased me about that forever. I once told her I had registered on Lindekin and never lived it down. Precious memories. X

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So sorry to hear about your husband.
Can I ask what medication did you take?

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Hi Christine so sorry about your husband.
Can I ask what medication you take?

15

Thanks for that info I am seeing a counsellor and trying to address it that way

16

Lost my wife 7 weeks ago. Seems like a life time. I feel fear and anxiety now. I’m wondering if there’s any point to it all now. September I had a life. Now nothing what’s the point in my pain. Yes my kids and grandkids would miss there grandad for a time but wouldn’t they understand I loved their mum so much, I don’t get why I’m still here. X

17

Stevie I don’t know what to say, I’m so sorry about your wife but your kids and grandkids are worth staying for

18

Hang on in there Stevie. I’ve got to 18 weeks and there has been marginal improvement. Not much but just enough to notice things. I’ve just got back from a long walk. I’m tired but not emotional so those things don’t have to go together. I’ve walked through the Bolton Abbey Estate and it’s a place we visited hundreds of times as its close to home. I had loads of happy memories… Mother, Wife, kids, dogs… of happy days and picnics there and I felt able to smile as well as blink away the tears.
As I said, hang on in there and one day the fog will thin a bit.

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It’s just so lonely and hard I miss her so much x

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Having a rough evening with it all tonight. Cant understand what we all did to deserve this.