I don’t think it’s about ’ deserving’ or ‘not deserving’. Two of my wife’s relatives lost their husbands in their early forties and were left with young families. It’s the price we pay for love. My wife amazed me as she never once questioned why she had been afflicted. When I said why her she said why not, why anybody. It’s a high price we pay for love but having thought about it I would have been prepared to pay more for less… on the basis it was so good.
It’s a terrible price we pay.
I never had that chance to talk. She was in a coma then came round but then the life support was turned off so I lost her twice because of the ventilator she couldn’t talk just so unfair
Stevie wee, it’s so very, very hard to carry on after such a loss. My husband died 9 months ago and my life still seems unreal, I still feel anxious, insecure, lonely and sad much of the time. It’s not all the time now, though it’s always not far below the surface. And it’s not so much that time heals, as you gradually find ways to live with your loss, I think. It’s new territory for us all here on this thread and I’ve found it really helpful. I hope you do, too, and can find people to talk to.
Hi I’ve just joined and I don’t know what to do. I lost my husband 5 weeks ago. I have good family and friends around me but I feel so alone. We never had children of our own. We were married 26 years and Gerald was my life. I look at his photo and just sob at the thought of not being able to hold him again. As it gets nearer to Christmas I feel in a state of quiet panic. Why does it hurt so much?
So sorry Daphne. This is awful isn’t it. No-one can put this right but we can listen and understand.
I long to hold my precious daughter again. It is 18 weeks.
Please keep posting. I think it does help.
Sending you hugs.
Thank you Matella. I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your daughter. The pain is so raw isn’t it? There is never a right time to loose someone but this time of year is especially difficult. The world to me now seems to be full of couples. As strange as it may seem the one thing that keeps me getting up in the morning is our precious dog. She is my one connection with Gerald as we loved to take her walks and both loved her so much. She is our girl. As much as I want to talk about this, I find escaping from everything while walking her also helps to keep me sane.
Hello Daphne. I hope that you’ll find some comfort here on the forum.
One view that many people express in the early days is that they have quite enough sadness of their own, so reading about other people’s is only going to increase their misery. I thought that too, and wrote it, but three months later and 100+ posts I’m still here and obtaining something which I don’t seem to find elsewhere.
Like you, there’s a good few dog (and cat) owners, and indeed, as I write. This I am out on Salisbury Plain with my two 24/7 companions. My little fellow was bonded to my beloved wife, and that’s the two of them in my profile photo.The other one is 42 kg of bone and muscle, the sweetest and gentlest girl you could imagine.
You’ll be getting more replies soon.
Hello Daphne, I lost my husband,Tim, nearly 3weeks ago, and yes the pain is overwhelming and raw. I have got Tim’s best friend to care for now. He is a beautiful Alaskan Malamute called Blizzard and he and Tim were never far apart from each other. He was definitely Tim’s boy and I look at him and remember how happy they were when together and that makes me smile.
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Thank you for your messages. It does help to know that others feel the same. If someone could tell me how to act or how to feel I would. I know all the people that Gerald knew are feeling the shock and sadness but I also feel they will be starting to get their lives back to normal. I don’t even know what normal is now. I am normally organised, plan things in advance and willing to help anyone who needs it. To feel that I can’t think more than a day ahead and accepting help is so alien to me. I don’t feel like it’s me anymore. I guess being kind to ourselves and just taking things at our own pace is one way forward.
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I’ve just been to tesco. Lost it a bit, I try not to involve other people in my grief. That in itself can be difficult. Got home and clearing up after my dog I glanced up and a ronin was watching me from a tree no more than 3 feet away. I’m sure my baby Sent it xx
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I was feeding my homemade fruitcake to a Robin yesterday. None of the other birds dare come near but the Robin did. I was pondering as to how old it might be and whether it could be that my wife’s recycled atoms could be included it’s make up. Probably a bit too much of a long shot but an interesting thought. It seemed to like the fruitcake.
I totally get that about loosing it Stevie wee. I’ve been trying to return my husbands car to the leasing company for the last 4 weeks and I lost it with them today. Telling me I had got to be there and sign. I told them that wasn’t happening. Its a release valve that has to go off when there’s a ‘jobs worth’ on the other end of the phone trying to get you to catty on as if nothing has happened.
There’s something about a robin. My husband and I always said ‘morning’ to any robin that we saw.
I’ve had the same dahne, lost it with my holiday insurance company. Sent my claim form back 3 times.
I’m struggling to sort my husband’s work pension out too. You would think they would have this sort of thing to deal with all the time with it being a pension. But no, they still seem to be unable to send out the relevant forms. I guess it’s a way of channeling our anger for the situation we’re in.
I got a bit annoyed with NHS when I rang them. My wife had received a letter inviting to a cardiogram at local hospital, despite the fact that other parts of the organisation saw her immediately after she died and this was 10 weeks later.
Anxiety and Depression I suffer with which isn’t nice…But since yesterday and finding out I’m not the only one who is, I’m finding this site really good reading as I’ve felt so lonely even though I have family around…
I lost my husband in May 2018…I coped at first and this last few weeks have gone to pot…
Hi Rosemary In the same my anxiety has gone worse It must be Christmas
I’ve gone to pot too!!! I lost my dearest Dad & brother as a result of a house fire in April this year. I’ve had quite a few meltdowns but thought I was coping a bit better recently … then Christmas hits you like a sledgehammer!