It can all turn out ok.

Maybe it’s because I’m sat in my conservatory, the sun is shining, one of my dogs is sitting on my knee, but I’m being very contemplative about my life since Penny died 2 years ago, after 50 years.
I’ve been looking back over the last two years.
It all started with the normal despair, fear, anger, regrets, loneliness etc. What was the point of it all?.
I’ve always tried to be as positive as I am able to be on each day. I decided my new life was obviously going to be different, but it might as well be as I want it to be. So I made a plan, and bit by bit, my new life developed. I’ve never forgotten Penny, and never will, but I’m sure she would totally approve. I talk to her every day about what’s going on, and I feel she is part of it, supporting me.

I’ve made plenty of changes, such as a new kitchen, new conservatory roof, and a redesigned garden, new smaller car.

I’ve also made changes to my active life, joined a big choir, learnt to play the flute (still ongoing), more new friends, new dog walks, cultivate a more content and happy demeanor, sat in pavement cafes and chatted to loads of people. I’m off on holiday to Anglesey next week, and I’ve had several others, particularly a wish I’ve had for years, and expedition to the Outer Hebrides.

Although Penny is always in my heart, and I do have the odd sad time, life is good again. I can’t believe how far I’ve come, it’s needed a lot of work and positivity, sometimes working through the tears. Very often supported by a truly wonderful bunch of friends.

As I sit here, her photo next to me, her ashes next to that, I thought I’d like to encourage those who are in those early days of despair, that it will improve, you can be happy again, if we really try

Oh! and this forum has played a huge part with the encouragement and support of many of you, thank you.


An encouraging and optimistic post…thank you. I know you are in a place I have to strive for…I’m not there yet but there is no alternative but to try :muscle:


Good luck, @UnityMan , we do have bad days, don’t let them put you off, gradually they become fewer and fewer.


Thank you, @tykey , you are an inspiration to us all. You have worked so hard on your own self preservation and it is paying off. I’m still early days, where I can’t see past the end of the month, but I will get there. X


Oh yes @tykey you ate an inspiritation to us all. You have found a way to deal with your loss and still live decent life.

I salute you. You are where I want to get to, and I know my Jim would approve. I have several holidays booked, but 4 months in and Im struggling to deal with those days where 'I just cant be bothered '. You have proved that i just need to keep going.

Much respect to you my friend.


I still have those “can’t be bothered” days. But I had some of those before Penny died as well! So why worry?. Which is a good song to play on your ukulele😜

My brother gave me that thought😊.


excellent way to handle life after a loss. best response possible if one can find the strength.


We don’t need to change everything straight away, concentrate on one change at a time. Remember the question, “How do you eat an elephant?”. Answer : “one bite at a time!”


I really needed to hear this today.

Thank you x

You have given us all hope. Nearly 9 months in and I have all of those emotions but particularly lonliness and fear of life alone. I have no family but two friends that understand what I am going through. I used to love gardening but now find it a struggle but have to keep it going as | have spent many years in cultivating it from nothing so cannot let it go. My partner hated gardening but if I needed help he would be there now I have to face a very challenging garden alone. I wake up with depression but it usually gets better as the day progresses. I shall start to make a plan too.


I’m absolutely delighted to help people, I’ve just realised that was part of my plan, but I didn’t realise it until now.
Anxiety and depression are like millstone around our necks, everything seems full of problems, and these negative thoughts keep going round and round in our heads. It was problem for me for many years, but I got that devil off my shoulder, with hypnotherapy, it was all due to how my brain had rewired itself. Please try some therapy, unless you are already on with it.

One of the key things about my plan was that the things in it were all in my control, nothing relied on the solution to knock on my door.

Today, I’ve driven into Sherwood Forest and taken my dogs a walk, then off to play with my banjo band, now sat outside a cafe in the forest having a bacon sarnie in the sunshine, then off to Slimming World to see if I’ll get my half stone award!
I might practice my flute this afternoon, before my next lesson on Thursday. I Mention this because each activity brings me into contact with people who share my interest, and they become friends. They have other interests, and often invite me to join them in something new to me.

Relative to gardening, I’ve decided to photograph the bees who visit, and am identifying them, then writing a blog about them. I’ve bought a camera, but the bees keep running away before I get there😠.I’ll win eventually, but seeing as there 270 species of bee in the UK, it might be while before I finish this blog.

Postscript: before I’d finished my sarnie, a group of middle aged bikers pulled up, and I’ve had a lovely chat with them for a few minutes about the perils and pleasures of biking. BUT, getting a bike hasn’t got on my to-do list.

I’ve joined a 4 part harmony choir, practice is on Thursday, as we prepare for a performance ,(in front of a paying audience!!!) in June.

So if we take a long term view which gets us mixed with new people, new interests, opportunities and friends, the plan becomes even better!


I really couldn’t face going out today, and almost spent the rest of the day in the garden, as I did on one day last week (and mine is only a small garden).
But, I needed a hairbrush as I’d left mine behind when I came back from mum’s on Sunday, haven’t brushed my hair since then! So I walked into town and met a friend of Steve’s by chance. We had a coffee which lasted for over an hour, and we’ve arranged to meet up again next week.
If I hadn’t gone out, I wouldn’t have spoken with anyone, and now I have another thing in my diary for next week.
Warm, sunny day here in Cheshire, now I’ll put my old dog in her pushchair and go for a walk in the woods.


@SadGirlfriend . Very well done! The proof of the pudding…!

Thank you. You are an inspiration to us all.
My anxiety and depression are not as bad now that I’m on antidepressants and my sleep is improving.
I’m off on holiday to a Center Parc soon and have booked to try kayaking, paddle boarding and quad biking, hopefully I won’t kill myself doing these activities but it’s something to look forward to. xx


I admire your resolve very much. Me and my Sandie played in a musical duo for many years. I still play…doing a festival in summer we both used to do, with my old band. I have many things planned musically. I have many friends and a loving family. I am going away next winter for a long period to Bali where my son lives…only thing is…all of this means nothing other than a distraction. It used to be different. I have forgotten what it feels like to be enthusiastic…and that is my challenge…but thank you for your input…it helps…


I would like to ask to ask where would someone begin to eat an elephant? :slight_smile:

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Thank you so much for sharing your lovely message to everyone. Your penny would be very proud of you. Sending you sunshine your way always


This morning I’m off to choir rehearsal, for our concert on June 28th (Tickets still available :wink:). I decided to warm up before I left by singing this song, and I realised it was a perfect inspiration to set us off on our new journey each day.
So you might like to play it, and preferably sing along. Have a great day everybody!!


Thank you for sharing. My husband died two and a half years ago and I am very much on the same journey. I find it hard but you have shown me it can be done.


It’s a strange life! I went to choir rehearsals, where we sang A Million Dreams, then I won the raffle!!! That just shows what a positive mindset can do :grinning: :grinning: :grinning: :grinning: :grinning: