I have just left my sons house were he invited myself and his sister ( My Daughter)along with my son in law and my 3 grand Children just for a Friday night drink after work for an hour in his garden with the sun shining, which after 6 months since losing my wife I can sometimes manage these situations other times I cant, but tonight wasn’t to bad, I was managing the situation fine, but just driving home which is about 2 mile I saw 4 couples walking hand in hand in the sunshine and it just cracked me up, and the tears just started to run down my face, and once I got home I just lost it again and I just went into a meltdown.
The point I am making is that how you can feel in control of your self and just because you see a few couples holding hands together it changes your mood so much, lets hope i can see this one day and smile about it, who knows.Take Care Mickere xxxx
Hello Mickere,
I understand exactly where you are coming from. I get upset seeing couples together as I feel cheated that my husband and I have not been able to grow old together. I don’t think that will ever change for me. I find these sunny days worse as my husband would be in the garden busy and I would be helping him and then making lunch. It’s very hard being on my own, i find the loneliness is soul destroying. Take care.x
Really identify with that feeling. It’s hard to be a single when you’ve been a couple for years. It hurts . 6 months is really early days and you are doing your best to cope in a really hard time. Keep doing what you can and look after yourself
Hi Mickere. Feel very much the same way, just miss Richard so much, he loved the warm weather, would have been making plans, even just making a picnic up, food now seems to have lost all its taste, was a year this week since I lost my soul mate, just feel so empty, I see couples holding hands, laughing, sharing a joke, and my heart breaks again, sending a hug, your not alone x
Thanks Everyone for your kind thoughts
Try and have a nice weekend Mickere xx
Just noticed one of the replies was from Hilary55, Love that name, as that was my wife’s Name, she never got called by her full name of Hilary it was either Hil Hils or just H Take Care Mickere xx
Dear Mickere, I do relate to everything you have said. Yes it’s so hard to think you’re in control and then WHAM something triggers you back down again. For me it’ll be a song that we used to dance to or the couples out strolling holding hands and I long to be able to do that again with Pete.
My grandson was 18 last week and I went to a small gathering for relatives at my son and daughter in laws house and felt sad because Pete wasn’t there. His other grandparents were there taking pictures and I felt so alone inside myself. It is so hard i think trying to act as though you’re fine and enjoying yourself when inside you’re sinking.
Any way I wish you and and every one on this site better times to come. Take care.
Love Jenny x
Morning everyone,
For me it’s the “empty chair syndrome” if I reluctantly go out for a meal with family, Xmas dinner, birthdays etc.
I haven’t had the family here either for a sit down meal - but lunch is ok as it’s a make your own sandwich.
Call it empty chair syndrome or the elephant in the room - - it’s not going away any time soon.
G. Xx
Loobyloo, you’ve painted the same picture i often have in my mind, especially this lonely Sunday morning,we probably would have gone for a stroll through our local Sunday street market, will never go there again without my love.
Hi Solost,
I’ve just taken my dog out for a walk. Came back to the empty house, something I will never get used to. I haven’t seen anyone this weekend so very lonely. It is too hot to go in the garden to do any work so I will try to do something inside to keep me busy for a while. But this life, well existence, is not for me. I think I will be selling up for a new start but where to move to that is a difficult decision. People might say I will still be lonely if I move but I won’t have all those reminders of our past everywhere I look. I can just keep them inside my heart instead.x
I waited 18 months before I moved but I was moving to be nearer family and friends to the town we had lived in 26 years before. It has definitely helped me especially to leave behind sad reminders of the last 3 years but it wouldn’t be for everyone. It might be just what you need but just give yourself lots of time to consider all the pros and cons. Writing them down as two lists can really help. Sending lots of good wishes your way and a hope something will happen today to give you a little joy.
Hi
I find this so hard too - seeing couples out, couples walking their dog Im so jealous- feels like I’ll never get used to going out on my own all the time. It makes me feel guilty aswell as I didn’t really consider how many people do have to go through the rest of their lives alone and I don’t think we fully appreciate that familiarity and companionship we have with our husbands/wives/partners until its suddenly gone forever ? Even when my husband wasn’t well enough to go with me, I knew he’d be waiting when I came back home to ask if I’d seen anybody, make me a drink etc. It’s just so heartbreaking to come back to an empty house. Sometimes I don’t go out with family just because it’s easier to stay put and not come back to the locked door and the lonely silence
I hope it does get easier but can’t see how it will ?
Different I think and a little easier to cope with maybe but it will always hurt that we haven’t got the person we love with us now. Inevitably I spend time with other ladies who are on their own but I also try and be friends with couples. I go to a very friendly church so that helps but obviously that’s not everyone’s cup of tea
It is hard coming back to an empty house but I also hate being in all the time. I had to do a lot of my grieving during the strict lockdown and it was absolutely hideous.
I agree with you so much about not truly appreciating how easy it is with a partner and not thinking of people on their own enough. You only really appreciate what you have when it’s not there any more. Take care
In my profile I wrote,
You don’t fully appreciate what you have till it’s gone.
But don’t beat yourself up as it took two to make the relationship - he/she could have been faced with the same issues??
No one knows how they will cope under stress.
It’s hard but we can’t change what’s happened.
G. X
Was coping ok till today , had several meltdowns , sobbing .
Went to the cemetery as it’s a 10 min walk next to the beach , laid some flowers and kissed her picture.
Feel utterly heartbroken today , feel very lost and alone in life .
Hi, I haven’t often commented on this site, however have taken comfort from reading many of the replies.
Much like you, I was married for 40 years, with my husband for over 43 years. He was the love of my life. My children, & I celebrated his life on the one year anniversary of his passing on the 18th of June this year.
I think what I’ve learned in this past year is, that I can keep busy. I can work. Spend time with my children. I can go out with friends. I can try new hobbies, throw myself into everything that life has to offer, it helps. However there are days when I can’t cope, there are days when I rage. I allow myself these days. Each month, somewhat randomly I have at least two days when I want to shut myself away. I accept this.
For me the grieving started the day of his diagnosis. So I have been grieving the loss of our future now for 7 years, and the loss of my husband for our 1 year.
So all I can say. Is allow your self to be sad. Allow yourself to not cope. How can you live a different life than the one you spent building for 4 decades?
Accept its possibily never going to run linear. Ups & downs are normal, never more so than when grieving.
If you reach a good day, accept that was a good day. This all you can do.
I think the pain, whether physical or emotional, will always be there, as will the disbelief.
It’s a new process for us and one we never wanted. My heart bleeds for everyone on this site. A site non of us want to be on.
As the old saying goes, one day at a time…
Hope you are able to sleep tonight Glenn. Lots of grief for you today but far better to express it than pretend everything is OK.
Hi mickers
I understand how you feel seeing couples walking along holding hands, because I feel the same especially if they are older. It’s envy I suppose I wish it was Ted and I. Also I feel sorry because at some stage one of them is going to feel as bad as I do right now. Missing the other so badly it hurts. After 50 years of living with “the one” in your life. Glad you have some support. x
Thanks @Saffy2 like you I read far more than I post, and your thoughts may uit me. Most days my brain just shuts down, everything is unreal, like watching someone else or being in a never ending nightmare - but I’m hopting to have days where my brain will let me just sit quietly and understand what is going on.
Good morning Dennis, I know very well that feeling of being a ‘spectator’, watching someone else’s nightmare. I feel like I’m living a a different parallel life to my ‘real’ life which is the one with my husband, our children’s dad, and that he isn’t really gone, and that ‘real’ life still exists somewhere out there, it’s just been put aside, for some reason. I probably sound crazy, I just still can’t associate the word ‘death’ with my husband, my mind just won’t accept this.
Have a peaceful day.