It’s Barbaric isn’t it - I choose to see it as that’s not my husbands hand that is being held - that’s the only hand that matters to me - that isn’t his touch that I shared that was so special - therefore I feel no envy - and I wonder if we were ever looked at by another poor soul ?
Hope you’ve had some better moments since - I totally feel your grief
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So sorry for your loses all. Lost my husband Shaun 11 days ago. Lost him after a few months of suffering lung cancer. I looked after him for weeks but had to let him go to carehome I knew he wouldn’t be long and wasn’t . After 3 days he passed. He was given 3 months but could only have 9 weeks after that. I m so grateful to have someone like him in my life. Since He has gone I feel so lonely, betrayed, lost, scared, empty, and aimless. Whatever I do, wherever I go I have him in my memories coming out of my head and I am in tears . I would give the world to see him again be with him for only a second. Don’t know how to handle this . I can’t sleep well, missing him desperately. We were together for almost 10 years but felt like a life time, full so much with good times and bad times. We were soulmates . I lost my half. Not knowing what to do next and not caring too much I feel so lost.
I am also so angry with him he didn’t keep his promises to spend more time together.
My Shaun was a fighter who gets up in the morning with full enthusiasm for life and optimism. He was the one giving me hope for each time I struggled. Even when we were given 3 months to live he never believed once he was going to die. Told me we would get over this too. As we got over too many catastrophes before together. He was the one who taught me how beautiful to share everything and anything with your loved one. I owe him so much .
His funeral is in two days I don’t know how to handle.
I have no one else to share these. Thank you for being there.
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My heart goes out to you, so very sorry for your loss. All these feelings you’re going through are absolutely normal at these early stages. You are still in shock, of course, it does take time to come to terms with all this. I was particularly touched when you say you owe him so much, I always have these thoughts too but in time this will help you find the strength and comfort you need to get through this.
Take care.
@Solost thanks for that. I really can’t understand this, and what has happened. The psychiatrist that I’m seeing says it’s like swimming in deep water: on the surface you carry on, can talk about Sharon, which is the conscious; underwater is the subconscious, and no matter how hard I try my brain wont let me understand in my subconscious that my soul mate is gone, it won’t let me go underwater in the same way as you can’t stop swimming and let yourself drown. But occasionally, I get glimpses of what is underwater, then my brain shuts down. Does that make sense toy you as well?
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@ayca I see that is your first post, I’ve only been here a short while, but although it doesn’t help, at least others here know how you feel. I lost my darling wife to stage 4 pancreatic and liver cancer, nursed her for 3 years, spent the last 5 months in a hospice 24/7 at her bedside, consciously knowing it would end badly - but subconsciously I didn’t belive it. I still can’t process it, am trying so hard to do so, to break down, get some relief perhaps, but my brain wont let me and is “protecting” me from realising my soul mate, reason for living, has gone. Its just shit beyond words, but maybe others here same the samr torture and understand…
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@DennisS, yes it does make sense. That metaphor about swimming in deep water is precise, and just think, I can’t even swim.
Have a peaceful day.
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If it is of any comfort, I know exactly how you are feeling. I also break down and cry when I see couples. It’s very hard .
Try and take care of yourself
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I feel the same.
Since my wife died if I see couples hand in hand it drives my mental.
I crack up like you, and feel so jealous.
After 10 months it dont get any easier.
Keep strong.
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@Solost I so understand that. Sitting at Gatwick for breakfast on the way out here, in the cafe we always sat, looking across at the empty chair opposite, suddenly had a glimpse of reality and what has happened and this huge chasm opened up beneath me, but (luckily this time, although I so want to break) the shutters dropped and my brain blocked everything to prevent me screaming and breaking in public. Then had it yesterday in the car driving over the mountains - I can’t share what I thought for a second.
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Yes, I often have to struggle to hold back the tears in public, luckily our human instinct helps us block this sudden outburst, repressing it. We live in the country, twenty minutes from town, so I also find myself screaming and crying out while I’m driving, it’s a relief being able to do that, where nobody can hear or see me,those ‘thoughts’ have crossed my mind too, but I’m sure we both know they will remain just ‘thoughts’ that disappear in matter of seconds.
Hope it’s not too hot over there, we’ve finally had a breakthrough from that terrible heatwave, had a few storms, but apparently we’re going to have our 40 degrees temperatures back soon.
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@Solost thanks for that. Yes, Sharon knew I wasn’t I tending to continue, and was fine with it, she just said “I understand’. But then she said” but you know the boys will never get over it’.
Let’s just see how it plays out. Hottish here, but ok, seeing last estate agent today, power of attorney gone, so I’ll go back the the house (not a home any more) in the UK, and start a the UK admin.
Glad for you it’s cooling a bit in Italy…
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That’s the sort of thing that sets me off, I’m coping and then out of the blue, I’m an emotional wreck. It’s been 15 months for me.
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I know how you feel. It has been six months this month that i lost my husband. I wish I could have the answers, but i dont, but do know the feeling you are experiencing. Sometimes i feel like i am just going circles. There are days when are better and then a reminder happes in a most unexpected ways like seing couples holding hands, in my case couples walking dogs which is what we used to do and suddenly it feels like day one the day that the loved one passed away. I don’t have the answers but i do understand. I also try to remind myself that with time these little moments that right now cause meltdown and pain and tears will turn into a smile knowing that i have memories and was lucky enough to meet him to create memories. We always hear time helps I don’t see how at the moment, but i do hope it’s true
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The loniness is the the killer. X
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Hi PaulineM1
Yes it is. Big hug.x
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I cared for my husband for 10 years. I don’t regret a minute of it. They were busy but happy days despite his physical problems. Now each day has no real purpose unless I have to push myself to make something happen. Who knew a day could be so long or feel so lonely. I’d go back to those days in a blink of an eye if I could.
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Hugs bk, it is hell. They say u never get over it, u learn 2 live with it. ?
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I’ve said this in a previous post that I still can’t believe that my husband is not on this earth anymore. I don’t think I will ever learn to live with it. My brain aches. Every where I look reminds me of my husband. It is only six months since my husband died and the thought of going through the rest of my life (how ever long that may be) without him is frightening. Sorry to be so … I can’t even give a word for it.x
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Hi Lou,
I said there shld be a nut hse for people going through grief, as it sends u off yr head.
Everyday feels like a week & every week feels like a month. & I lost my my lovely oliver 4 & a half yrs ago.
We get our good days & bad days. But we human. X
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Thank you for being so candid . It’s been six month since I lost my husband and i feel like i am crazy. Four and a half years? I can’t even imagine. I am grateful for this community i know and that i am not the only one going through the feelings. There isn’t enough support for grieving, which is real and painful
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