Hi Amanda
I thought that was such a great description of your temperamental friend. It is strange how it is our constant companion which as time goes on suddenly catches us unawares with acute moments of pain and loss but at other times we can learn to live with it lurking in the background. I am not sure I think of it as a friend but I suppose it is there because of my love. We cannot leave it behind, it is always with us, waiting in the wings. Some days I would like to be able to walk away from it completely, just for a bit longer. Have a complete holiday before I return to its relentless hold.
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My wonderful soul mate passed away in March and I feel completely lost in this world of grief. Leaving our home is very difficult most days. I canāt explain why itās so difficult to go out, to be around other people.
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Take it gently. It is early days. You will get there. If you have got any really close friends or relatives try going out with them first. Try a short walk nearby. Itās very early days for you yet. Donāt be afraid of breaking down when you are with people. True friends wonāt mind. And donāt be afraid of crying out of doors. I am 11month down this journey and I still find that sometimes I am walking somewhere and I get emotional. If I want to try and stem the tears I picked up a tip from ā Megan Devineās book to try and think of things beginning with a particular colour or starting with a particular letter. It helps me compose myself and if needed I will cry properly later.
I have found it has done me good to get out. To spend time with other people, to walk in the āgreenā. The sadness does not go away but it distracts us. Do you have things you did before you can return to.? I was lucky in that I volunteered in a charity shop and also belonged to a WI with clubs. I went back slowly and everyone was so kind. There are a few widows in my WI and they have been very supportive. I am still not OK and may never be but I can get some pleasure from doing things out of the house.
I hope you can find a way through this very painful process. Thinking of you
Judy x
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I am at breaking point this morning and really dark thoughts are with me today. I managed to get the only friend I had to turn her back on me as she feels she cannot help me no more I really cannot go on feeling like this everyday. I have had the mental health team before and rang several help lines. I do not know why I am writing this is it a cry for help or am I beyond that
Jessica
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Hallo Jessica
We are here for you, please know this. Itās dreadful feeling as you do, with nowhere to go emotionally but we do care.
Sadly, the friends we feel know us best often let us down at such times and we think itās us, but itās not. They just canāt handle the deep level of pain youāre feeling, know theyāre letting you down and so moving away from you is the only way they can cope. It doesnāt help you emotionally unfortunately.
Please call your doctor after this weekend and get some local medical help if possible. Write to us anytime.
Hugs
Miche24
Dear Judynews
Iām sure your message was very helpful to Lynne, so thank you for posting. Well done for all you are doing to cope. I wish you well.
Miche24
Dear Emee
Welcome to Sue Ryder Griefchat. I hope you find the comfort and support that you need. People in all stages of grief come here to say how they are coping or not with the most profound feelings ever.
Iām so sorry you lost your soul mate so recently, itās no time at all. When you need to write down what you feel we are all here for you.
Affectionately,
Miche24
I do not think I am going to make it this time I am afraid for myself but cannot go on a minute more feeling this way
Jessica
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Jessica, phone the Samaritans, you need to talk to someone right now. I can feel you pain.
Sending love
Debbie X X
Hi Jessica, I am feeling the same way as you, I canāt go on much longer, I lost my son aged 35 5 years ago, I have had enough of my crap life, I canāt move forward, my family and friends have had enough of me, I just want to leave this shit life behind, there is nothing here for me, I just want to end it!
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Dear Jessica
How awful that you are feeling so bad. I wish we could communicate in person because you are so lost and down. Iāll check in later today, but please send a message, as many as you like. Iām here for you.
love
Miche24 x
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I feel just like you if someone could give me a magic pill I would take it in a flash. Everything I do feels false and why am I doing this because people think I should. My family which are not many all did their thing yesterday and not one asked me are you ok. I do not know how long I can go on like this. I am out of food as I cannot be bothered to shop any more I have got to make the effort to get milk later. Sorry not to give any light at the end of the tunnel.
Jessica
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Dear Jessica
You donāt have to give us answers, or make things better for anyone. We are here to help you.
Go and get some milk Jessica, one step at a time.
Big hug, Miche24
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Same here Jessica!
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Hi Jessica1321 this is my worst day since losing my Karen on 1st May, everything I do see or touch at home reminds me of how much I miss her, now that the things that have had to be done are done I have many empty days in front of me, I am thankful for the support that I am getting from others on this community, itās three months since Karen was admitted to hospital and every day and night without her being here is devastating, too painful for words. Karen was the reason for me to live and I am empty without her.
Please let me know you are ok
Pete
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Hello Jessica. You say you are feeling desperate. If you have already called helplines you can always call again. There is also Samaritans if you are feeling very bad. You will feel better one day, the grief and loneliness will not leave you but you will learn to cope and it will get less intense. I hope your doctor can give you some help with how you are feeling.
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I feel for you, itās so crap isnāt it, Iām a month ahead of you, lost my wife in December 2021.
Like most others I find distraction the only way to exist, but at all other times the enormity of the loss consumes me.
We can only hope that we will someday be able bear it.
Hi @Jessica1231, are you okay, did you speak to someone, anyone today. Iāve been thinking and worried about you all day. You are in a very dark place at the moment, but with the right help you will get through this, it may not feel possible today but you will and we are all here for you.
Sending love
Debbie X X
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Hi Jessica,ā
I saw your recent post on the Online Community and Iām worried about you. It sounds as though you are thinking about ending your life.ā
If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999, go to A&E or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.ā
We can contact your GP on your behalf, if that would help. If you would like us to do this, please send us a private message with your GPās contact details, and your own name and date of birth.ā
If you would find talking to a bereavement counsellor helpful then Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This service is free and sessions are held over video chat so you can attend from home. Thereās more information about how to register here: www.sueryder.org/counselling
Itās really important that keep yourself safe, Jessica. There is support out there, so please reach out to one of these services.āā
We care about you and you deserve to get help. Be safe,
Michelleā
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Hi Jessica I really hope you are feeling betterā¦and ā¦reached for help ā¦those are awful sad dark days when we are feeling at our lowest with pain that really hurtsā¦I found this,site so helpful ,people are so caring and definitely understand what you are feelingā¦as we are all trying to journey through losing someone we deeply loved . As always love and strength to everyone x x x
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