@Taff I am so very sorry for your loss. It’s 2 years in October since my 28 year old son died from a drugs overdose. In my experience do things at your own pace. There’s no wrong or right way to handle this.
I’m finally reading a book, It’s Ok That You’re Not Ok by Megan Devine,I have found it so incredibly useful, you are not alone. Sending much love x
@Gill1960 ive just started reading that book too .
It’s 7 weeks since I lost my son so might be a bit early but I can always leave it and go back to it .
It is very useful .
Grief is not something we should get over despite what others think .
We have to learn to live along side it forever .
xx
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@Tilly13 I’ve had the book for a year and a half and have only now felt strong enough to read it. Some of things in it are so true and I understand now I’m not going mad!
People are lovely and try and give advice, I’ve even had counselling but unless you have lost a child, no
Matter what their age or circumstances, you cannot possibly understand.
I think that’s why I like this forum, we are in it together 
xx
I have not heard of that boo but I’m going to have a look at it. The last 2 days I have really been struggling and back to crying, just been and washed my car, tears rolling down, had to hid behind it…it’s a mini lol, so I didn’t have to speak to someone, think I’m be good at avoiding people. No one gets how you feel apart from everyone one on this site. Going out for a long walk later, with my partner, he’s my rock, but it hurts so much when his son rings up to speak to him. I usually leave the room, the pain hurts too much. Rambling on again sorry. Big hugs xx
@Gill1960
I agree . That’s why I won’t be having councilling.
I find the best support on here and other forums .
I have also attended support groups which help as they all truly understand .
xx
@MJG sorry you are struggling .
Every day is a struggle for us .
We somehow have fight to survive .
Have a read of the book if you can .
This forum is a godsend, I use TCF but don’t find it as easy to use…probably me. I was always a person who got everything done, life planned out, how life has changed by the turn of a key 5 months ago. I have to do hour by hour, can’t commit to anything. I haven’t had counselling trying to work my way through it myself and using this forum. Everyone on here understands how we are xx
@MJG I still like to be on my own. I have a partner but we don’t live together, mainly weekends. I do find the house unbearably quiet at times though, my son was larger than life.and like a baby elephant in the house, so I have the radio on all the time, even though I’m not always listening it just nice to have it on in the background.
I have done so much crying, still do, think I always will.
Not sure if I told your this but I write a diary, not every day just when I feel like it, it’s really helped me get some of my feelings out, even if it’s just on paper xx
@Tilly13
No counselling wasn’t for me either, I had some through work, which wasn’t very good but I
Did have some from CRUSE which was really good, she gave me lots of coping advice.
I totally agree, I have found this so good, talking to other parents who know exactly what each other is going through xx
I too have started to write a diary and always have the radio on for back ground noise. Even though my son didn’t live at home, about 10 miles away in his own flat it’s still so hard. I used to go see him few times a week, pick him up from work, do food shop with him, little jobs at his flat. Oh god if only I could do it all again, I’m missing him so much I’m sat crying. When I’m like this I can’t see how to get through all this but I have too, it’s so hard. Big hug xx
@MJG You will get through today! I know how hard it is, grief is a lonely place, and every day is a battle but somehow we’re still here. Take care of yourself xx
Thank you. When I get like this I head to the shower…crazy as it sounds, just stand there for ages, that’s where I’m heading in a minute, it is a lonely place to be when you feel you can’t cope. A long shower then out for a long long walk with my partner when he’s back from work. He knows Fridays can be my worst day. Thank you, take care big hug xx
This board does help, noone else seems to understand the intensity of these feelings.
@Taff
People don’t understand .
They will compare it to losing a parent which I know is devastating in itself but losing a child is just on a different level .
It’s the most devastating loss and to lose a child to suicide makes the grief even more complicated as there are so many what ifs and why’s .
All we can do is ride the never ending storm and hope the pain eases at some point and we live along side it .
xx
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@MJG i have walked miles and miles in the past two years, I really find it helps. Hope you enjoy yours, helps clear the min I think.
I dread Fridays, that’s the day I found my son, although I know he’d passed the night before. I still have flash backs, it’s horrible xx
I walk miles every day, ride my bike, started back swimming. Yep I hate Fridays, I call it that Friday, the day I went to my sons flat, turned the key, thought he was asleep, he was already gone even though I did cpr on him. Drugs……why. My partner has had to come home from work to me, I’m in such a state, going to have lunch, then walk the cliff paths for miles. We are all in this mess together. Much love xx
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I currently have Tuesday dread, the day he yold us he couldnt go on, Wednesday dread the day he was missing and Thursday the day he was found. Its torture thinking how distressed he must have been to walk out the house with that in his mind
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I saw my son on the Wednesday, loads of messages as usual the Thursday, nothing Friday, went to his flat, work clothes all neatly on the side, went in his bedroom, thought he was asleep, until I touched his arm…cpr until medics arrived…I knew it was too late and drugs on his table in the lounge…he made a massive error, one I have to try and live with. I am so sorry about your son, my heart goes out too you❤️, little steps when you can xx
@MJG your story is exactly the same as mine, I came home from work and found my son dead in bed, it was too late for him, I honestly think he’d died the night before. I have nightmares over that. I came home, his stuff was all over the house as usual, he sometimes came home from work, had a few beers, then slept, then takeaway. I thought he was just asleep, his leg was poking out the quilt and once I touched it I knew he’d gone.
As sad and heartbreaking as it is, if it had to happen I’m so glad it happened at home in his own bed xx
My son was in his own bed, in his own flat and home. Arm out as he always slept. He looked so peaceful I thought he was asleep, until I touched his arm, then looked at his mouth…his lips were blue. We are in very similar circumstances. Big hug xx
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