It was my sons choice

Losing a child
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My 21 year son choose to end his time, how did we not know the depth of his disspair, so many guilty thoughts about what i could have done, he told us the night before i was going to call GP in the morning, i didnt think he would do anything so soon. Im completely numb

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Hello @Taff,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your son. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Alex

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Just feel so numb, my whole body aches and feels numb so i cannot sleep, my husband keeps talking about the funeral, i can not even think about that. I just want to curl up and sleep and for this nightmare to be over

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The feelings are awful that we go through, I let my sons friends have a little into his celebration of life which I found helped. The day before I couldn’t see how I could make it but I dug deep and found the strength from somewhere and I an odd sort of way I enjoyed every single moment, I had no tears, but it was a different tale when I got home, maybe someone could be with you to support you when you have to discuss the funeral, it’s only an idea. Somehow we get through this nightmare and with this site it really helps I find. Try and take it hour by hour, that’s what I have to do. Take care and be kind to yourselves big hugs xx

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Today was hard, especially funeral director telling me it will get easier after the funeral … no it wont, i’m completely numb at the moment and that’s blocking out alot of my emotional feelings.

Keeping funeral private , I just cannot cope with lots of people. We should get the interim death certificate tomorrow. My parents are still not able to call, I just got to hope they are okay as well.

Husband is not happy that I wont leave the house

His graduation photo arrived today, how could he be so happy 2 weeks ago.

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I feel your pain. I was the same not wanting to go out, but found I got up early and went for a walk to avoid people, maybe you could try this if you feel up to it. The pain is unbearable. You will find the strength to get to the funeral. This site is wonderful I find. My partner says to me today why are you so angry……told him I’m fed up with people coming to the wrong answers. Please look after yourself and take it hour by hour. Keep messaging on here and you will get so much support xx

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Today I am just lost, I can not settle , I feel I should be screaming and shouting, I’m still in denial , his body has still not been released by the coroner, we were told Thursday it should be Friday. I’ve had to stop visitors, I cannot deal with their conversations of what their families are doing, and my other son is looking at Universities - 4 hours away, I know its another year but then I will have no children at home, I just want to keep him close

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I was lost yesterday, and kept crying. I too had to wait for my sons body to be released…extra stress. Do what you feel is right, I didn’t want to see people and I’m very selective 5 months on. You can get through this, believe me, it’s not easy though :heart: xx

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I lost my younger brother suddenly by his choice, and I couldn’t accept it was him gone I thought he maybe ran away or I hoped until I went to the chapel of rest and then I cried like a baby as it confirmed it was him and I felt like I failed him for not being there, he was like my baby as he was the baby of the family and I had to look after and protect him my whole life but this time I couldn’t, I didn’t and now I’m struggling to live with that as I let him down and most importantly I’m struggling to live without him. I cry every day and scream out to him why did he leave us, the pain inside me is unbearable, so unbearable that my tears are silent and I can’t bring myself to utter a word as the pain won’t let me

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Star12 its certainly a pain I have never felt like before. I buried my 28 year old cousin 5 years ago, I was her next of kin , but this is nothing like that grief, this is unbearable.

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I feel I have failed in so many ways, but I know in my heart I did everything I could, but it doesn’t ease the pain. I ask why did you take those drugs, on a Thursday night, not even a weekend, not that he should be any day. I feel he chose drugs over me, but it’s an addiction/illness which other people don’t understand. Their problem not ours. I cry a lot, never been much of a crier, no patience. My partner he told me yesterday I was coming across as an angry person🤷‍♀️no idea I said I can’t help it xx❤️

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Having a very hard day again, i feel very agitated , restless and completely numb, mu husband is getting frustrated that I wont ( can’t) engage in how the funeral will look, I just don’t want to believe its happened, 2 weeks ago he told me he was unhappy, why didn’t I dig further, i didn’t think he had hit rock bottom before telling me, he normally told me all his physical problems.

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@Taff you will still be in shock . Of course you can’t comprehend the fact you are having a funeral for your dear boy . Our brains and bodies are not equipped to deal with this trauma .
You and your husband are both grieving the same loss but will manage differently. He has to respect your way as you do his .

xx

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I’m so sorry another hard day for you. I found it instead of saying funeral I always say Celebration of Life. That may help not sure. Big hugs to you xx

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Saw the celebrant today, we made her cry. I still don’t want to engage in the funeral process, it makes it seem so real then. My head is pounding and i don’t think i’ve slept in 2 weeks now.

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Oh @Taff its so hard .
The hardest thing you’ll ever do .
Would it be worth seeing the gp to see if he can give you anything to help you sleep .
Grief does take a mental and physical toll on us .

If you don’t mind me asking when is the funeral . I would like to keep you and your boy in my thoughts on the day.

Take care xx

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Its on the 24th August, another week to go. Thank you for your kind words. The GP did give me some sleeping tablets last week but ive been reluctant to take them.

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Try and get some rest, even if it means in the daytime. You will be in my thoughts on 24th. Do what you want and in your own time, hour by hour. Keep talking on here it really helps and everyone understands xx

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Finding it hard to settle , my 17 year old keeps going out for long walks in the evening, he’s out now be back around 10.30 ish or later, I just want home home safe as well

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@Taff you will both be in my thoughts on 24th.

You’re other son will need his own space to grieve the loss of his brother .

I know how you feel though . Its hard not to be over protective of our other children .

xx