Bad, bad day today. A friend came up and tried to keep telling me if I didn’t know , how could I have done anything, but I should have been there for him, read between the lines. Visited him at Uni more he didn’t come home at Easter as he wanted to study so since January , I saw him a day in February and a day at Easter, he told me that weekend that he didn’t speak to anyone, he must have been so lonely. Think I panicked my husband as i said I’ve got to live feeling like this for the next 30 years, my son said something similar that night, when he told us he was unhappy. My husband said it will get easier as its got easier day by day over the last 2 weeks, not for me it hasn’t, i still want it all to be a bad dream and not reality.
@Taff
I’m sorry you’ve had such a bad day .
I have been exactly the same . If only I’d done this and that he might still be here .
Well meaning people can tell us that we couldn’t have done anything to stop it but that won’t stop us thinking we could have .
It’s our job to protect our children and in the end we couldn’t save our boys .
When they made that fateful step to leave us they were not wanting to escape from us but escape from the pain they were in .
They were poorly and the illness took them away .
xx
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So sorry you have had a bad day. I’m sure your friend was trying to help, unfortunately sometimes they don’t have a clue having not experienced what we are going through. My son used to spend time on his own especially weekends even though he had so many friends. I was on constant worry was he ok if I had no reply to calls or messages. We know we all did our best for our sons/daughters but we all blame ourselves …wrongly I guess. My son battled for 14 years with addiction but when on form it was great. It’s odd to say it’s easier to say addict than it is to people I know. Hope you are starting to get a bit of sleep, be kind to yourself and do what you want in your own time. My partner had to come back to me today, told him I couldn’t take the pain anymore. He got me out for 8 Mike walk, round the cliffs, in the rain. Felt better after that. Try and have an early little walk when no one is around. I avoid so many people…I’ve got good at it. Take care, big hug❤️ xx
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I also worried my husband as I didn’t want to wake up in the mornings and couldn’t imagine living another 30 years like this .
However I have to be here for my daughter like you do your other son .
That’s what I hold on to .
We have suffered an unimaginable loss but our families need us as we need them 
I’ve also got to decide if to go to the chapel of rest, it will be a closed coffin, but every one says it will help me prepare for the funeral… Husband also says its getting easier day by day and has gone back and put TV on 1st time in 2 1/2 weeks and his normal glass of wine.
I get peace from knowing he was in his own bed, sounds daft I know xx
You and your husband will find different ways to cope with the grief . Neither way will be right or wrong .
The loss of a child can bring couples closer together or drive them apart .
There’s a leaflet in the compassionate friends website about couples grieving . It’s worth a read .
Wishing you a more peaceful days today xx
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Me too, looked so peaceful xx
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You have to do what you think is right for you. Probably like me you will be having to have an inquest in the future, I have my sons in October. Do what you can when you feel like it, there is no set time for anything. Just be kind to yourself. Big hugs xx
Yes the inquest is next April. My husband is trying to write the statement for the coroner now, so many questions are arising. Stayed in bed until midday today as other son gone away for weekend, really struggling with thinking how his state of mind must have been to carry out such an act.
I had to do that, however I had the police come out to do it. Get your husband to take his time, I did, so many things to think about. Glad you had some rest today. Try not to worry about your son being away this weekend, I know it’s easier said than done, but it may help him as well. Have you tried going out for a little walk yet. I will be thinking of you on 24❤️ xx
Getting really really anxious now about Thursday, its constantly on my mind that the funeral will break the fog and then it will be just pain.
@Taff the lead up to the funeral is just horrendous .
Once it’s over the reality will start to hit .
I’m travelling this nightmare with you .
You are not alone.
Keep talking on here if it helps even a tiny bit .
xx
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You are not alone, we are all with you. The day before my son’s celebration of life I was awful, but the actual day I was ok, until we got home, just me and my partner. It is not easy but you will do it for your son. Sending big hugs. Here for you xx
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None of us are alone on this site, it is a godsend to me xx
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@Taff I would recommend going to a SOBS groups too .
It does help a little to meet people who actually really do understand .
xx
Thank you, getting extremely anxious today, but my other sons girlfriends is unexpexedly staying so having to stay strong. His bank account was closed today which I’m struggling with as well, funeral director coming later. So far today I’ve yelled at his bed , his last words were I’m fine and yelled at his graduation photo, 4 weeks ago he was so happy ( or so it seems)