It will never stop

Since Friday afternoon I am on the roller-coaster again (actually never got off). I am crying on and off, have no hope, and try to be optimistic, going down again, losing all hope, trying to make plans for the future, trying to be busy and fail, trying to clean and fail, etc. I contacted Shout yesterday but it was not really helpful. They gave me an address for bereavement groups but they are too far for me to go on public transport. I have no access to a camera so video or Zoom is not for me accessible. The next stop I will try to get an appointment with my GP, which is almost impossible. I am not giving up but I am losing more and more energy to carry on. What is the point? The pain is unbearable. Sending lots of love and hugs to everyone.

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Please keep trying with your GP. Mental health should be as important as physical health to the NHS.

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Have you tried mind?

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Hello,
You’re having a terrible time which is not only expected but an expression of how much you loved him.

The good thing is that you are reaching out for help, may be a good idea to touch base with the GP to see if there’s anything they can suggest?

I know it’s hard to feel that you’ll ever feel any better but you will, your early days and still in shock, the shock will fade you’ll establish a new routine & you’ll smile when thinking of the memories of the life with your husband.

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Age uk i found very helpfull and they actually took me to a meet up one day and told me where i can meet up with others in the same situation.Like the other lady said you are looking for help and solutions so good for you .Im similar to you ,Got sick of no one offering help.So i go on the bus shopping get a taxi home and you do meet people .xxx

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@Annaessex are you local to anyone else on here. Also does your phone have a videocamera, if so you can do zoom on your phone, but just turn the camera off if youd rather. Keep talking on here xx

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You may find access to your gp may be easier than you think. I rang for an appointment for sleeping pills. I was number 10 in the queue at 08:45 so expected a call around 11. I was upset on the phone which the receptionist must have picked up on plus the surgery are very in touch with my bereavement. I had a call back at 9 and the gp was on the phone for 30 mins just talking to me. They have assigned me a health coach who I can contact any time and did a follow up call the next week. Could not have sleeping pills due to sleep apnoea. May just be I have a good surgery but keep trying. They seem to be very aware of mental health at present

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I do not have a smartphone. My phone is very basic and my husband was my computer and phone specialist. I only use my phone when I go out just in case I fall over or for emergencies. I hope I will get better when I am able to see the GP. Tomorrow I am off to my library again which is always a nice break. Sending lots of love and hugs.

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Ah @Annaessex i hope you get somewhere with your gp, and the library brings you some comfort, sending hugs xx

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Dear Pudding, they put the receiver next to the phone when they are fed up with calls. They also changed the procedure to contact the surgery. I have to contact them online to fill in a form. Still, have to find that stupid website of theirs. I am still waiting that they fill in the form for my claim to travel insurance. I have also sleep apnea and have to use a CPAP machine during the night. I will pop in tomorrow and ask for the website access. But I am really tired of it. Everything is so complicated now. Sending you lots of love and hugs.

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No, not yet. I want first to speak to the GP and if they cannot help me I will try other groups or even try to get private counselling if it is not too expensive. Might even try the Salvation Army, I think they have also bereavement groups.

I am amazed how good our surgery seems when i hear other people’s experiences. We can book online but we can also ring. I have also got messages to doctors and the health coach via e mail. When I came out of hospital last year after fluid around my lung I got a call once a week from my gp until it had gone which took about 2 months. When i spoke to my health coach and mentioned my stomach problems she was arranging a home visit. As it was it cleared up before the doctor came out. Our local hospital is also excellent. Had to go twice last year. First time was in a bed within 4 hours. Second time was seen and diagnosed and out within 4 hours. So few hospitals can say that these days

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You are really lucky to have such good support. As I had to go for a cancer operation in 2014 I did not even have a bed allocated and my poor husband did not even know where I was. He was there the whole day and night waiting for me to come out of the operation theatre and then he had to find out which ward I would be on. He only saw me on a trolley in the middle of the night ( I was still under the influence of the anesthetics). I remember that I thought he would fade any minute because he looked very sickly and his face was grey and tired. My husband was always there for me and now I am on my own. I always thought I would be the first to go - how wrong I was. But on the other hand, I would not like to think that he would have to go through the same trauma I am going through right now.

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There had been an initiative in our area to join up the services so the gp’s and hospitals work together. Started a few years ago but seems to be getting its act together. Not as though Somerset is in the centre of things but our local hospital is always near the top of the performance tables. Our hospital is always in trouble for overspending but think they put patient care ahead of finance. Fund raising always goes well. They have built a new wing for joined up care for women wher the fund raising massively exceeded the target. Have acquired a 3rd ct scanner and are creating new operating theatres.

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Can I move to your area, please? Sounds like heaven.

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The community where I live is incredible. Couldn’t believe it when we moved down here. People have time for each other. You will be standing in a queue and end up in a conversation with at least 3 people. A whole coffee shop will end up talking. Even in the doctors surgery we are all talking. Traffic gives way. Even white vans. We know a tourist by their attitude and way of driving. I recommend south Somerset as a place to live

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It is lovely to know that there are still places like this exist. We played with the thought to move to Norfolk, Litcham, or the Dereham area but that is now not possible anymore.

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Have you tried Cruse bereavement for support? I spoke to them earlier into my grief. The lady was lovely on the phone and spent about an hour chatting to me. She also gave me a local number in case I wanted to contact them again.

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Not yet. I will try tomorrow to contact my GP. But thank you for your suggestion.

Please know you’re not alone . It’s 14 weeks next Tuesday. The roller coaster doesn’t stop but you have to just endure it and all the pain it brings.
I don’t think trying to make plans or look too far forward helps…just hour by hour, day by day.
That’s what ‘be kind to yourself’ means…
I don’t have family and friends have their own life but I was told this:
One day you will tell the story of how you overcame all you went through and it will be someone else’s survival guide’
Please just know that this must run it’s course and you will mend a little.
Sending you love and light

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