It's all so final now

Well,My darling Rob has been cremated and I didn’t think the tears would stop.I have been dreading the e mail for at least 2 weeks now.Rob decided a long time ago that he wanted a Direct cremation to protect me.Loving and kind to the end.All the time he was still just up the road from me at the undertakers,I felt he was still with me.Silly,I know but I bet many of you felt the same before the funeral.So now I have to move forward,it’s what he would have wanted.I don’t know how yet but I’m sure he will guide me in the right direction.He’s kept me strong so far and his love will be with me always.Thanks every one of you for all your support,you have been wonderful xxxx


There is strength in love. The love will never go. Hold on to the love.
Take care.


I know he will always love and protect me and get me through the rest of my life.He will always be there for me.He and my Mum and Dad will get me through and keep me strong.Thank you.Jill x


Jill, it’s such a shame that someone couldn’t be with you, you are being so brave and of course the tears came.
Yes you are correct our loved ones were with us but at the cremation I didn’t feel that Brian was in that coffin, he just wasn’t there. I didn’t go to see him once he left the house.
I hope you are going to stay with us.
Take care and love Pat xxx

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Of course I’m staying.I couldn’t do any of this without all the friends I’ve made on here.I know it would be nice to have someone to talk to but the kids do phone now and again and that’s enough for now.I’ll be OK.promise. X

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Thinking of you Jill. I know a few people who have gone down the direct cremation route. I didn’t feel like my mum was in her coffin either. So I don’t think anyone gets a real benefit from a funeral if I’m honest. It’s just tradition now isn’t it. For me it’s more about feeling my mum is with me. And I get comfort from having her ashes with me.

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Thanks.I am having his ashes scattered in the garden of Rememberance and I am planting a red rose in the garden for him.We talked about that months ago.I wanted a yellow rose and Rob wanted red.He won and gets the last word!I know he’s with me,I feel his love and support all the time.We had a very special relationship that Death can’t change.Jill x

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Jill, despite your grief, your posts I see are loving and warm. My mum was just down the road before the funeral and cremation. I didn’t visit though and when eventually I picked up her remains that was then so final. Can’t explain the feeling of carrying her home with me. I think I’m going to plant something in our garden to remember her. Haven’t decided what yet but something long lasting and appropriate. I love the rose idea.

In the summer I’m going plant something for mum in my garden too

A living memorial is one of the best ideas. There is something really special about it. Very symbolic.

Dear Jill,
It is 19 weeks since Stan passed away, I feel his presence in our home. Today and yesterday, I had a strong scent of his after shave, it happened twice yesterday, I know that he is watching over me and our daughter, son, grandson and great grandson. Mornings are my worst time, quite often I have dreamt that he had died, when I wake up, I think the same thing, thank goodness it was a dream, then reality hits me and I realise that whilst it was a dream, it is true.
Joining this group of lovely people has helped me enormously, I am glad that you are staying.

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There are lots of rememberance roses on Amazon.We used to have a Buddliea bush in the front garden so there’s a big hole waiting for it.

Hi Jill, big hugs to you. My husband who passed away 6 weeks ago had a direct cremation. I’ll have the same when my time comes. I’m plucking up the courage to collect his ashes from the funeral directors. I just feel I need them here with me now. Like you I’m going to plant something special in the garden. Keep strong xxx

He was my gentle giant,6ft 4 and 17 stone.I want to remember him as he was,not a box of ashes.That’s my personal choice but he will have his red rose,so I can see it every day.I just see it as new life after death.

My mum loved roses, especially an iceberg rose. When she I was alive I could never decide what to do along a picket fence. I shall now be planting pink roses. I just wish I’d done it sooner.

I was always the cynic about people’s ashes Jill. I used to say to Tom if I die first just leave mine at the crem when I go. In my ‘normal’ thinking head I still feel the same but at the moment , when my head is as it is I feel I need his ashes back. I never ever thought I would be like this. Death and grief does things to us that’s for sure. You take care xx

My favourite flower is a rose, I particularly like, Iceberg, Stan’s hobby when he was a young man was growing roses. He rented some land from the council, it wasn’t far from where we lived. He used to buy wild briars, take the eye of the rose which was in our garden, in fact he taught me how to do it. It was in the good old days before I developed all these medical problems. My cousin, Tony, put up half the money which Stan had spent, and they became partners. We spent many a Saturday and Sunday at the rose field and between them Stan and our Tony made some money, but the pleasure was seeing the roses grow and bloom. All was going well until the council sold the land and they were kicked off. One of my favourite books is “For The Love of a Rose” I have forgotten the author.

Thank you for your company, it is my tea time.

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I had a bird box put up in the crematorium I go each week and talk to my wife it helps a little

Hi Mary, such wonderful memories, no wonder you love the rose. You have probably seen me mention many times that Brian and I have allotments. I am lucky that the committee have let me keep Brian’s. I would never have been able to see anyone else working on his plot. He loved that piece of ground and was always working for the good of the allotments in general. When I work on his plot (which fortunately is next to mine) I feel I am helping Brian, he is still very much there. The other members comment on how tidy and productive it is, little do they know that Brian is still keeping me on my toes. As long as there is breath in my body and I am able I will keep that plot going.
Just before Brian died he said he wanted his plot to be full of flowers. Now I know he liked flowers but I was a bit surprised at his comment. However In the spring the flowers started to appear, all self seeded and his plot was a mass of different flowers very early in the year and some of them still flowering now. Poppies, Cornflower, Borage, Calendula, Marguerite, Fennel (which he hated) Herbs, Dahlia, Verbina, Campanula. Cosmos. Marigold. Nigella, I am the flower grower but they all appeared on Brian’s side among the Veg. It was amazing.
When I took over my plot it had an old large yellow rose bush on it (about 8/9ft tall). I cut it down in early Autumn but this year it’s all come back into flower at this moment. I know nothing about it and just prune and feed and sure enough every year a beautiful show.
Pat xxxx

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The birdbox is a lovely idea. I wish I could get birds to use one in my garden but for some reason they deserted us a few years ago although I have tried so hard to encourage them back. I think the neighbouring cats might be the problem We both appreciated the birds and I am going to try and put something to encourage them on Brian’s allotment plot. I did have one on my plot but the rats kept appearing. and I can’t cope with them now on my own. Tomorrow I will go and move the bird feeder.