I’ve not posted on here for a long time. My husband died over 2 years ago, I moved away to be with my son and Grandson as I didn’t have any family at all in the UK. So 6 months after his death I’d sold my house and I moved to the USA. I did, however, have what I thought were very good friends who’d supported me over the years as I them.
We didn’t have the best of marriages but we were married for 42 years. He died due to his alcoholism and I felt a lot of anger especially as he didn’t tell me he’d been given the prognosis of only having a few months left to live and he didn’t tell me or our son, we only found out this from the consultant a few hours before he died.
I think being in lock down and the worry of it all has given me too long to think back on things. I miss the person my husband was before the alcohol took over his life, he was very intelligent and had a very good job, he was funny with a good sense of humour but he was also very selfish and always put himself first, never us.
So that’s a kind of brief part of my circumstances. At the moment In getting more and more anxious, I’m feeling almost guilty that I moved to be here so quickly, but in hindsight if I hadn’t I wouldn’t have been able to because of covid and lock downs, plus I find myself getting more and more angry and anxious that the so called friends just disappeared and didn’t keep in contact with me after my husband died.
I’m probably over thinking everything at the moment, but I was just wondering if anyone else still feels like this. I feel like emotionally this is keeping me from trying to move on, not to forget because I don’t want to do that, I just want to get over these anxious thoughts.
Thank you for listening, I send love and best wishes to you all. x
I’m really sorry to hear about your husband @Mos. You’ve shown a lot of strength in posting here, it’s not easy to open up after losing someone so close. It sounds really difficult not having those friends around you as a form of support, it sounds like it’s feeling quite isolating at the moment which isn’t easy to be feeling. Those feelings of anger you mentioned about them disappearing are completely valid.
I also wanted to reassure you that there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. We’re all here for you anytime you want someone to talk to.
I’ve found another thread from another member here who also lost their husband a few years ago. If you’d like to take a read, follow this link - 2 years since husband died - makes no difference
Take lots of care and keep us updated with how you’re feeling