I like the way you say that Rondha lives in you I like tha image and sounds comforting
I know Jack is around and I know that he has guided me and comforted me many times . A friend of mine says tha as they pass on not only they comfort us but they also are comforted by our actions, prayers and thoughts
Carl, I don’t know if you find do but I find really hard work to keep me going and found stuff
Hope your weekend is going ok
Live
Sadie xx
I do admire those of you that are making the effort to start new things. I wish I could start showing some interest but it just won’t happen, in fact the thought freaks me. Yet I am usually a good mixer and can chat with anyone. I do have our allotments and socialise there the best I can and go out with the dogs walking and mix with other walkers. I am a member of the Ramblers and been out with them. This was something we both enjoyed but I feel awkward now. Don’t get me wrong some of them are very kind but others just don’t speak anymore. One man and I used to have a good laugh together yet he just nods now and that’s it. I know they don’t know how to speak to me but I’m tired of having to make the effort to put people at their ease, so I prefer to walk alone with the dogs now. I don’t seem to have the initiative to go out and do anything new which I think would probably do me good. I just can’t be bothered. I was going to join local painting and exercise classes but never went in the end.
I keep myself busy though on the go all the time.
xx
Dear Pat, we all react in a different way - maybe try the classes you had planned to go to. I find I need to see people
Regarding people avoiding you I have also experienced this - almost as if I have a contagious disease! Maybe the guy that used to talk to you on your walks is not talking now because he doesn’t want to look as if he is chatting you up. God knows why - try to start a conversation with him and see what happens but as you say it is ever so exhausting trying to be sociable at times
Lots of love
Sadie x
I think people not talking is simply they don’t know what to say. They don’t want to risk upsetting us so they say nothing. I think other people prefer it if we approach them first.
It’s difficult for someone to ask how you’re doing when they already know you aren’t doing so well. Ask them how they are instead.
Doing new things scares me too, but trying them is uplifting if they work for you, if they don’t you don’t have to go again. Many times people have said you can do anything, I’m finding I actually can do things I’ve always wanted to do but have been too afraid to try in the past.
I think it comes from a sense of not having anything else to lose so what the heck. I don’t care if I make a fool of myself and nor do most other people. We aren’t perfect.
Take care, Carl.
Hi there Sadie and Carl. I am finding I like to stay in my comfort zone. I’m always busy and do mix with people all the time and can chat away happily but I am not finding that I need to see or be with people. It is not a need. There’s nothing I like more than to go out into the countryside and be alone with nature and my dogs. They are all I need at the moment. People, I don’t particularly trust.
I’m not sure what I want to do that is different to what I do now. I’m busy enough. Brian used to say “Do you have to be doing things all the time” and when we retired he told me I was very hard to live with as I was always busy and wanted to have things to do every day and couldn’t I just sit still and relax sometimes. To be honest I don’t have much spare time but feel I should have a go at something, perhaps it’s just to prove to myself that I can do it. I’ve never had a problem before.
My gardening came later in life I was in my late thirties before I ever attempted to pick up a spade. When I gave it a go I found it compulsive. I had never grown vegetables until we got an allotment although Brian had. I soon learned and still learning and now have more land to work than any other member at the allotment. It surprises them that I can manage on my own.
I also look after a small area of garden voluntarily and go to the gym.
Agree with you regarding friends at the Ramblers but I just find it hard having to be the one that makes all the moves and prove that I’m getting on alright when I’m not really, just putting on that face that we all learn to show to the outside world.
Love to you.
Pat
Hi Pattidot
I’m with you in as much I don’t feel the need for other people, or perhaps at this time.
I like people, I can chat to people, but find it hard work keeping the I’m ok face on when deep down I’m not ok.
It’s an effort, I know I should learn different skills or hobbies but have lots of things I enjoy doing without adding to them.
Maybe in a while, sometime, perhaps…
Until then I shall keep chain sawing…
Hi, had one of those days myself today - just pow out of nowhere and it’s just draining - was sitting at my desk at work and the floodgates opened. I only found this site last night and I found it’s helped in such a short time - we can all share our stories and feelings. My husband died in an accident 3 months ago while we were on holiday in Turkey and it’s been a whirlwind of emotion after dealing with Turkish hospitals and police and finally getting back home to Australia. I will draw strength from all the lovely posts - keep strong x
Dear Magstar
I’m a year on from you
My husband died suddenly July 2018
The horror and reality of him not being here seems to have hit me full force this morning for some reason and I have also been horrified by the fact that he hadn’t expected it …that he didn’t know it was coming when he got out of bed and collapsed with a sudden cardiac arrest that morning
It’s as if I have been living in some sort of fog until today …for some reason …and now I have literally woken up this morning to the reality of my situation and what actually happened
I hope you have support to help you deal with all the emotions we go through as grievers . It is a rollercoaster without a doubt . Today’s panic for me is that my husband never got to say goodbye . He had absolutely no control whatsoever over the circumstances of his death the same as I seem to have absolutely no control over the thoughts that run through my head and the emotions that course through my body .
Today is a scary day for me for all those reasons . No two days are ever the same and it is hard work getting your head around the shock of it all
Sending you hugs and understanding
From one shocked spouse to another
Love Romy xxxxx
HI Romy, I’m thinking we’re sharing similar emotions - I left my husband on the Saturday night after telling him that I had been speaking to our travel insurance medical team and they were organising for a team of 4 medics to escort us home back to Australia as soon as he was out of intensive care. I kissed him goodnight and he was so pleased with the news. Turned up the next morning and he had died - no reasons given - no one could speak English I was shaking trying to get google translate working. So I feel your hurt - not being able to say goodbye - I truly believe he is around me - just so blood frustrating not knowing what happened. You have made my day and I hope your day gets better - sending you lots of strength and massive hugs - be strong Romy xxx I know my husband would want me to be strong but it’s wave of emotion that hits you for six. Do something nice for yourself today - it’s a pity you’re not around the corner - I’d bring over a bottle bubbles and we could toast our beautiful hubbies xx
I know what you mean about not having much interest in doing things, ‘what’s the point’ keeps coming up. I began to make a doll’s house for my neighbour’s grandchildren. It’s got walls and a roof but now needs wallpapering before I go any further, and that’s it. Well for the moment. I know I will get round to it again, but at the moment what with the time of year and memories it is difficult.
I do keep busy doing things that I often keep putting off. Things my wife did. I cleaned out the fridge the other day and that was not pleasant because she always did it. But it’s no good getting all upset about it. I know I’m not always going to be like this and I often look ahead at that light in the distance and the hope I see there. Take heart folks. Sorry to be a bit of a downer today but, well, we all know don’t we. Blessings.
Dear Jonathan
Your dolls house sounds a little bit like my knitting! I think trying to find a purpose for doing things is one of grief’s biggest challenges and my concentration span has definitely gone awol since Barry died so I flit from thing to thing and get cross with myself in the process! I have no answers but perhaps that’s as it should be…each of us can only do what our own circumstances dictate and we all need to be a little kinder to ourselves and not expect more than we can manage.
Thank you to everyone on this site…you are all inspirational and I am so grateful.
Love and blessings…keep aiming for the stars x
Yes, ‘Per Ardua ad Astra’. (I think that’s right). The motto of the RAF. ‘Through Difficulties to the Stars’. Aiming for the stars!!! Well, it’s my belief it’s where they all are. The difficulties and pain is over for them.
You are so right AG. We sometimes need reining in because we tend to try and push grief along, but that will never work. It will take as much time as it takes, and trying to ‘get over it’ is very tiring. Thanks as always AG.
Hello , My name is Angela and after reading your messages I felt the need to contact you , I feel your pain and understanding how horrendous it must have been for you in Turkey.
12 years ago my husband was rushed to hospital in Tenerife and put into an induced coma due to a blood clot . I had 6 weeks not know what was happening from one day to another with the language barrier! Thankfully he slightly improved and was flown home still in a coma and woke up once in england. After 6 weeks of rehabilitation he came home. His lungs were damaged how ever we tried to live live to the full. Unfortunately 9 months ago he died suddenly of a ruptured lung with no warning at all! I have found comfort in this site because no one understands unless it has happened to them ! He was the love of my life we had been married 40 years after meeting in 1977 just like you. I miss him so much it hurts.
Send messages any time because it will help during this terrible time
Ang xx
Hi Angela
You will find comfort here - our experiences vary in detail and in the way we grieve but I think we all can understand how you feel
This is such a strange and difficult journey
Sending you hugs
Sadie x
Magstar, this site is a great support- you can say what you want because people will understand you.
Jack died after only 4 months from his diagnosis - and the shock and hurt is huge - This happen a year ago.
How did you find out about this site?
Where in Australia do you live?
Hope your day was ok
Sadie x
Hi Sadsadie, I Googled and entered “loss of a husband”. Although my father died in 2006 in Peterborough UK and Sue Ryder were fantastic. I live in Perth, Western Australia - been here since 1982 x
Magstar, 6 years ago my husband was working in Perth - it was for 1 year - his company had work there and I was there for a while -? I love Perth if it had been another time in our lives I would have loved to live there for a couple years
Thank you Angela for reaching out - I feel so much better after reading all the lovely messages on this site xx