I don’t know if anyone else saw a thread posted by @James71 last night. The thread was only up for a very short time before being removed by moderators, because in the post James said he was leaving, and I don’t just mean this site. I’ll let you read between the lines for yourselves. This thread might not last long either.
Just to say you are in my thoughts, James.
I hope that James71 is ok this evening and lets us know he is safe.
Cheryl
@James71
Dear James
Please know we all know how much you are hurting. I did not see your post so I don’t know your story, but you will see from our posts that we all are suffering but trying to understand and support one another. I hope you made it through to another day, sometimes the best we can do is breathe in & out.
Please post when you are able to.
Alston56. I did see it yesterday, and when trying to find it again I couldn’t.
Please God he’s ok and never went through with it.
I too did not see the post but hope that he is still with us.
Hi all
I did not see the post but James 71 please let the site know you are safe or even private message
X
I didn’t see the post but I hope that you are still with us james71
That is really sad if James71 went through with it. We understand his pain. I just hope he has support and hope that he will come on here and let us know he is ok. Its heartbreaking, makes us feel sad. I hope he reaches out for help, help through his GP, hospital the samaritans.
Please James71 let us know you are OK. Xx
I didn’t see the post but James 71 please let us know you are ok
Can the Suerdyer team try to contact him
James… I’m sorry and really hope you overcame that urge or were helped somehow. Many of us have been close to it. Thank you Alston for posting as I didnt see the thread and actually think its not helpful when we are not allowed to discuss these topics which many of us struggle with. Take care out there everyone xx big hugs
Hello all,
Thank you all so much for your concern.
Someone somehow reported my post to the police and as such I was hospitalised and put on an ECG and my bloods taken. Apparently should have been fatal yet nothing was shown to be wrong with me and no one can explain why. At one stage I felt that the Doctor thought I was crying wolf but I swear I wasn’t. I explained how I prepared which I won’t repeat here and was repeatedly ask this question until they were satisfied that my answers were consistent. Non of this makes sense other than to repeat what a few people have told me " It obviously wasn’t your time." THANK YOU ALL AGAIN. 
[post edited by moderator]
Hi
James so glad your ok at some point in this horrible journey without our loved ones we feel we can’t go on I hope you get some help. Only people on here understand our journey with grief. Please private message or carry on talking on here we’re here for each other. Like you say it’s not your time I hope you start to feel better if that’s the right word
Please take care x
James,
You will get through this. It wont be easy.
It wasnt your time. You have dealt with numerous suicides in your old career.
There is a reason you werent successful.
Wishing you a speedy recovery
Cheryl x
@James71 hi James I’m glad you are as ok as you can be and that you are still with us we are all here for you please take care stay safe
thank you James for coming back and telling us. I know you’re not OK but I am glad you are not dead (sorry). I really feel all our posts help each other. Several of yours have helped me feel less alone when I am reading crying in the middle of the night. I actually had one I was writing to you about euthanasia in my drafts but I hadn’t finished it and thought it would probably be deleted/edited by mods 
I hope you feel you can keep talking to us, it only helps so much though I know. I wish someone can help you. Take care xx
James, hearing this breaks my heart but I think a lot of us on this platform would be lying if we pretended that we hadn’t had similar thoughts or feelings since losing our loved ones.
It is crucial that we all take care of ourselves to ensure that these thoughts simply remain as thoughts. I really hope you get the help you need. Life is messy and often offers no explanation for the terrible things that happen, we just have to try our very best to muddle through and choose to live.
I saw this quote today and I have saved it as my phone background:
“Some of your life’s best days haven’t even happened yet. You have not seen it all, you have not felt it all. There are more people (and dogs) for you to meet, places to see and ‘firsts’ to experience.”
Thinking of you x
James
Thank you for coming on here to let us know you are still with us. I really hope you will reach out for support, you are struggling and you can’t do this on your own anymore. 50 years of marriage is such a long time and you have many memories held in your heart forever to cherish. Please chat on here and we will try to support you. Your not alone.
Amy x
Dear James,
Thank you for letting us know that you received help and are now continuing to get through each hour at a time.
These dark thoughts and feelings of utter despair attack all of us on this site and we help one another by talking, sharing and finding ways through.
When I am hurting most, I shout out, in defiance, that I’m glad to be suffering instead of my husband. He would have given his life for me and I for him. That was not granted to me. What I HAVE been given is the chance to LIVE for him. I haven’t got the hang of it yet and so often think how much I hate this joyless existence forced upon me. At the same time, I want my husband to be proud of me for the way I am trying to pick up the pieces of jig-saw puzzle, which has now become my life. The edges are gone and most of the pieces are missing and this is the same for you. We need to believe that we are here for a purpose yet to be revealed to us.
For the whole of my adult life I have been loved, honoured and cherished and if I regret not telling my husband often enough how much he meant to me, I can try living in a way that tells my friends how much I love and appreciate them. Most of them have already gone before me so another thing I need to do is make some more friends.
I’m not being flippant. I want to honour my husband have to wait to be shown how to do it. You can find a way too. Please try to be strong. Be strong enough to shout out your grief and your anger. Allow those healing tears. Accept whatever therapy you are offered. If none is offered, keep badgering your G.P. until something is in place. Even if all you get is the chance to tell your story over and over again, it helps. You are talking to people whose job it is to listen, who don’t need to be protected from your grief. This is the difference between talking to professionals and talking to friends, when we feel the need, always, to keep up a cheerful front.
Please hold on. The evening is long and the night ahead even longer but there are people thinking about you and praying for you. While we are doing this, we are not dwelling on our own sorrow. As you get stronger, you will find that you are able to do this too. You can do it even in the middle of your grief. For a few moments, as you force yourself to focus on some unknown, sorrowing companion in grief, your mind gets a little rest from your own. It’s happening to me right now as I write this to you. As soon as it is sent, I shall keep my thoughts with you as long as I can, willing you some hours of tranquility.
God bless you and all of us going through this.
So pleased you’re ok James. We all have these dark times. I always repeat this quote to myself when I’m having one.
“He would not want his legacy to be that his death destroyed me”
It somehow helps me to keep pushing on.
Big hugs to you James.