I’ve only been a widow for 3 weeks and the pain is unbearable. My family have been with me constantly but I’ve been on my own now for 2 days. I’m disabled with MS which is making everything harder. Any advice would be helpful at this point.
Thank you
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I’ve been a widow for 5 weeks. I have Fibromyalgia. I’m on my own much of the time with family dropping in and staying the occasional night. Try to eat. I’m having seedy bread toast with honey and chamomile tea with honey and cartons of soup from Sainsbury’s. I feel sick often but try to manage something . I find the fatigue polaxing. Sending you love and sympathy.
Bluebell 13
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This is a very difficult time for you too and my thoughts are with you. My daughter and my sister have both been to stay but like you I’m finding it difficult to eat, mainly yoghurt and fruit with the odd sandwich. I’m just going with the feelings and not trying to do very much at the moment.
Take care
Frankie
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I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 10 months ago and it was really hard in the beginning. Memories everywhere of course. I found the funeral and wake a comfort but was saddened that most of the friends who turned out for his farewell have not been in touch since. I have my children and grandsons helping me through the difficult moments. I just had a week staying with my son in Dorset and I went to many of the old haunts I used to frequent with my husband. It was a comfort and I felt he was there with me in spirit. Time will help to heal the gaping wound in your heart but obviously we never ever forget our loved ones.
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It does get easier, you are in the most intense time of grieving and I won’t lie it is horrendous, painful, sickening, all the feelings you have are normal and really all I can say is accept the pain let it in, weep, scream, cry, grieving for your loved one is healing and slowly slowly each day you will be getting a tiny bit better. It won’t feel like it but you will be healing. I am 12 weeks in and I have started going out and being in the outside world again. I still have awful days but they are further apart and having my family around helps me too.
You do need to have time alone to grieve properly as a parts of grieving are private and cannot really be shared with others.
In the early days don’t expect anything, just accept that what is happening is normal, it is hell on earth but it is normal. It must be so hard for you because of your disability but please believe me it will not stay as bad as it is. Yes you will grieve forever because grief is the loss of our love but we will build our lives around our grief. This site will help you a lot because we all have grief in common. XX
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I lost my husband almost 6 weeks ago. He was my life. I loved him more than words can say and he was so good, so kind, he would do anything for me and I for him. Every morning I am in floods of tears because he’s not here any more. I feel like all the life has been drained out of me, that there’s just no point to anything anymore. All our plans, however small, have all gone. Even to go into the garden brings on the tears because he’s not here to see it. We were going to have a small pond and yesterday I found all the things we’d bought to go round it - little ornaments etc. People have said I must carry on with it for him, but why, he’s not here to see it and it breaks my heart💔. My summerhouse remains locked - how can I sit in there on my own, when we’d sat in there together planning what we were going to do - I just can’t.
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Just to add to my 
on one of our last trips out I treated him to some new summer shirts, shorts and a pair of summer shoes. He was so looking to forward to wearing them, if only in the house, as we didn’t go far because of problems with his immune system.
Like you Harriet my husband has new clothes still with labels on hanging in the wardrobe, we should’ve been on our holiday this week celebrating our 53rd wedding anniversary but he died 5 weeks ago. I’m sitting looking at a photo of us and he has his arm round my shoulder, so relaxed and happy. Next to that is a framed verse my daughter gave me called Love Came First and the words are very poignant. Penny6 has posted the words that have touched my heart and I’m so grateful to her and all the other grieving people on this forum who are helping and drawing comfort from each other. X
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My car has been standing on the drive for the last 6 weeks, so decided I’d better take it out round the block to make sure it would still go. Started first time and I’m afraid I 
all the way round 'cos the last time I drove, my husband was with me on the way to the hospital for his weekly transfusion. He never came home again
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Hi @Harriet4Bill everything now seems just an effort. My husband did most of the driving but I did quite a lot also. I haven’t had a problem with driving places but do miss my husband sitting next to me in the car. I look across to the empty seat and so wish he was still here.X
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I had to learn to drive again. I hadn’t driven for 16 years and I was scared to do it again. I had a few refresher lessons, and have managed to drive as far as the nearest supermarket. The last time was two days ago, I did the shopping, loaded into the boot, took my trolley back. Then I walked back to the car and got into the passenger seat. Looked at the empty driver’s seat and remembered.
This life sucks! Xx
I have woken up this morning after a disturbed night feeling anxious and panicky. I am on my own. I’ve tried deep breathing and other relaxation techniques but they are not working yet. This has been building up since Sunday. My son is collecting my husbands ashes on Friday. He died suddenly with no warning 6 weeks ago. This is a new stage for me. So far i have been polaxed by grief and exhaustion. The family and friends are doing their best but its the hours on my own which are becoming more difficult.
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Oh Wren13. My sympathies are with you. I don’t wake in a panic, just floods of tears every morning. My husband passed away 6 weeks ago and we are burying his ashes on Thursday.
The loneliness is unbearable. It seems to be getting worse. I miss him more and more with each day that passes.
My husband had been diagnosed with leukaemia, but was stable. I knew it would be difficult when the end finally came, but it was too quick, I wasn’t prepared. I loved him so much, he was my life and it’s harder than I could ever have believed to carry on without him. I don’t know where all the tears come from, but sometimes I just can’t stop them.
I hope you have support and maybe, just maybe there will be some relief in the not too distant future. Sending you love and hugs 
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Thank you Harriet4 Bill. I didn’t know what to do so rang the Samaritans. I spoke to a very kind man which helped. It was early so i didn’t want to ring family or friends as i didn’t want to panic or worry them. The Samaritans are available 24 hours a day which is very comforting to know. My husband passed away with no warning. We’d just had a morning cup of tea and he went into the bathroom to wash. I realised he’d been longer than usual and went to look for him. He must have passed instantly. There were no signs the day before or that morning. All was well. Crying is good for us. The loneliness is very hard. Love and hugs to you
Sundays are difficult. I miss my husband playing his guitar upstairs in the back bedroom. We used to just have a peaceful day doing nothing much. The kids and grown up grandkids have hobbies and interests that keep them busy at the weekends and i want them to enjoy their time off. Weekdays I can keep busy sorting out the house and organising things. We had just had a new central heating system put in which we had saved up for. The next thing was new flooring and decorating. All long overdue. Life was about to get better than it had been for a few years. Yesterday was a very tearful day and today has started out the same. I have the chronic fatigue of Fibromyalgia and the chronic fatigue of grief and poor sleep. I feel like I’m pushing a elephant up a hill. I miss him so much.
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It is very early days for you, it is the worst thing that can ever happen but honestly it does get easier and the intense heart wrenching pain becomes more bearable as time goes on. The best thing you can do in my opinion is allow the grief to wash over, cry as much as you want to, weep and wail, scream if you want to just let it out and go with it, don’t try to avoid it or supress it. The sleep time will improve little by little it all takes time and how long is a personal thing. Lean on your friends and family as much as you can. Your grief is your lost love and will always be with you but we learn ways to carry it with us. I am 13 weeks in and for me the bad days are becoming fewer but do catch me unawares and are still terrible. Keep talking on here it helps a lot. X
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I would love to be able to lean on friends and family. Unfortunately, I don’t have any family of my own. I have a stepdaughter and stepson both of whom have been very supportive but they have their own families, and although they have lost their dad they are getting on with their own lives. It sounds strange to say this, but nothing has really changed for them. My stepdaughter lives just over an hour away. She has a full time job, a son and daughter and two grandchildren so we only saw her about once a month. My stepson is local but has a full time job and family so we didn’t see a great deal of them.
I’m not really feeling sorry for myself but it’s only my life that has changed drastically. Going from two people, sharing everything, doing everything together, to me on my own.
Because my husband had little or no immune system we were limited for going out and could really only text or phone friends.
My neighbours have been good but I don’t want to burden them with my tears.
I spent 20 years on my own before I met and married my husband. He was my life and I loved him so much. I’m just not ready to go back to the single life.
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My sympathies on your loss penny6. You are right that it gets easier. I’m 11 months into this awful journey. I was coping quite well until last Thursday - my first birthday without my Philip. I woke that morning so lonely, put on some Carpenters music (we had at our wedding 50 years ago) and just blubbed. Only my dog to cuddle but he made me feel better and not so self pitying. The day got better with friends taking me to lunch and my grandsons video calling from their holiday overseas. I’m dreading the first anniversary next month but I’ll get through it, got no choice!
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I do have family and friends but there’s only so much they can do. Everyone’s lives have to carry on with work and family. The person we need and would turn to in bad times isn’t here. Its so hard. I find i feel sick often which stops me eating and keeps me indoors. The doctor prescribed me some sleeping tablets at the beginning which worked really well but then upset my stomach so i switched to something else. I had a solicitors appointment Tuesday so took one of the strong ones to ensure i had some sleep but its started the churning and nausea again. Ive just pushed down a tiny portion of beans on toast as no food is worse. Are you managing to eat enough ?
Today i have felt completely overwhelmed and didn’t know how i was going to get through the day. Its 5pm now I’m in my pyjamas with a hot water bottle for comfort. I did go out for a walk round the neighbourhood hoping to feel a bit better but it didn’t really help. The hours on my own are very hard. I have spoken to two friends on the phone today but its the empty house which is so hard to bear.
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