Just lost partner of 21 years

And I’m finding it very difficult to cope. He died last Monday after a short illness but the last few days I’ve found it unbearable. I think before that I was in shock. I just don’t know what to do with myself. The cremation is on Monday but this has caused lots of problems in itself with my family and his and I have really had enough. I’m not sleeping either which really doesn’t help matters

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Hi have just lost my husband three weeks ago . I find it hard to adapt to being on my own in the house as it has always been a very noisy house with lots of activity and now there’s just me In it. It was my husbands funeral a week ago and I had to keep telling myself it’s not him in that coffin but just the body that transported his soul around, his soul has moved on as it’s needed elsewhere. My husband wasn’t ill or anything he was only 56 had a massive heart attack and 5 hours later gone forever. Family and friends need to be mindful at this very stressful time not only at the loss of a loved one but also the rules brought in due to covid 19 , these rules are out of our control . Stay strong and safe sending hugs my friend

Thank you so much and I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. When my partner came home with the palliative care team I was busy but I didn’t really feel it was him then as he was unconscious most of the time. I too am rattling around in the house and it is so very strange.

Lynssa. You do what you need to do. We had similar issues when wy wife died 8 weeks ago and the funeral was attended by me and our Son only. You are the most important person now. We also plan on having a celebration when all th Covid nonsense in over

Thank you so much Simon and I’m sorry for your loss. All the children and step children pushed me to have a service for 30 people and now most of them have let me down - or should I say let Neil down. I find it so disrespectful that they can’t face it or can’t come as they are pregnant - to me that is no excuse whatsoever. But anyhow I shall be there for him which is what matters the most.

Thinking of you Lynnsa. We had the same that people who said what we “should” do never showep up in rhe end. You and only you know what Neil would have wanted and I guess he would not have wanted this tension for you. Do your thing that would be my guidance. Above all be kind to yourself.

Relatives can be truly awful and demanding can’t they - yes I’m taking no notice of any of them now and I shall just get Monday over

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Lynnsa. I am so sorry but it seems to me that we all seem to suffer this crap. When gregg was ill they visited him in hospital and I called them with updates but after NOTHING, no visits, no calls . I do wonder do they just forget there friends and carry on with their lives xx

Oh really - only 1 daughter came to see Neil - my other three couldn’t handle it and his two - who have been absent for 12 years - didn’t come when he was terminal. People are so cruel. Now my mother - who didn’t like him - has stopped my brother from coming unless she does - I cannot understand these selfish selfish people at a time like this but I didn’t realise this was the norm!

Hi I lost my partner at Christmas and I know just what you are going through. All I can say is its hell I just hope all goes well for you . We had to wait along while for the funeral and then because of the virus we have only just buried the ashes . I would go to the doctors for help so at least they will know you are not coping I don’t think people understand unless they have been through themselves. Take care

Thank you so much JoandChris and I’m sorry for your loss. I’m dumbfounded as to how people behave at a time like this. I am having counselling - albeit over the phone - from next Thursday which I hope will help me. Many thanks and take care Lynn

I was supposed to be going to counselling but it was cancelled because of the virus I will have to try again

That’s not good - let me know if you get counselling and if you think it helps. Good luck

Thanks for your help

I know just how you feel I lost my partner at Christmas and I can honestly say I am completely devastated . I have lost family members before but this is pure hell . All I can say is talk to your doctor to get some tablets they might help .
You are not alone I know how you feel my partner died unexpectedly in front of me . I don’t think people can really understand unless they have been through it themselves. Take care

Thank you Joandchris - it’s just hell on earth isn’t it

The worst hell on earth

I lost my partner of 22 years in May after a short battle with cancer. My step children have stopped speaking to me over his will and I don’t see the grandchildren anymore. I’m working from home so isolated. Does anyone feel exhausted all the time?

Exhausted and unable to sleep would be my description. For me keeping busy was very helpful, I found there is nothing worse than wandering from room to room trying to decide what to do.
I would have thought working from home would be a disadvantage, being around work colleagues ensures I interact with people during the day

I’m so very sorry for you elaine - especially about the step children. My stepchildren and my own children have not been at all helpful and were very unpleasant over the funeral. It’s just devastating they can be like this. I think death is a very steep learning curve for the heartbroken person left behind.

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