Just need someone to chat to

Just need someone to chat to today has been really hard being first anniversary of my husbands death sitting here on my own with my thoughts.

10 Likes

Hi I am in the same place as you I am sat here watching tv if my beloved was here we would be sharing our day and looking forward to the evening I hate sitting here waiting for the hours to go by. The mornings are worse for me. Keep wandering where my cup of tea is. The thought of this is the rest of my life kills me
Jessica

12 Likes

Hello Misprint,

I can empathise as I feel exactly the same. Work keeps my mind busy but I miss Andrew every minute of the day.

You are not alone in how you feel and my thoughts are with you. Life goes on, I am afraid and we need to find a way to cope from day to day.

Small steps is all we can try at the moment and they will hopefully turn into bigger ones.

Thinking of you (and everyone else on this forum).

Love and best wishes,

Sonia xx :heart:

7 Likes

Thank you Jessica for replying I haven’t even got a TV to watch to while away the hours. That’s only because I’m moving and my license ran out so didn’t want to renew it for a month . I to miss my cup of tea in morning Jim used to always bring me one in bed . take care x

3 Likes

Thank u sstc22
I try to keep busy and yes just small steps is all I can do at moment
Take care xx

2 Likes

I only have people on here to talk to all my friends have all but deserted me only hear from them when they want something . Strange really considering they all said if I need anything just let them know and they would help. Well that was a load of bull because I asked for help with my moving house and not one of them as offered all to busy. So I’m had to do it all my self packing moving boxes and I’m got a van man coming next week to move large items I bet when I’m moved they will all say oh I would have done that sorry for going on but it makes me so mad Jim was always there helping them out ummm . Just waiting for them to ask for anything and I know what my answer will be.

9 Likes

That’s so sad for you. I think ‘ ask if you need anything’ is not particularly helpful.
I found that I was not able to ask as I didn’t really know WHAT I needed help with!
One of my neighbours was more specific and was a real help - she said she couldn’t do very much as she was on crutches but she could cook. So, when she made family meals she made an extra portion for me and sent it across. It was such a helpful and kind gesture.
Sending love your way.
Kath x

6 Likes

Steve always made coffee in bed too ! It’s little things that we miss I suppose. I also find it difficult to find things to do on the evening - we would usually see friends / sit outside. The friends don’t seem to be there as much! And I hate sitting outside on my own. Life is so different now and lonely and I’m so envious of friends and family that have got their someone in their lives :cry::heart:‍:adhesive_bandage:

1 Like

My husband always had a cup of tea ready in the morning, and one when I finished work. I miss the texes saying, Tea on table, hope you had a good shift. See you when you get home. Love you xxx. It hard to comprehend that he’s not here anymore

3 Likes

Hi Misprint, hope you are okay, my first anniversary was the same day as yours, I had to get out the house as I was surrounded by so many bad memories of that day, so took the kids out and dint come back until the evening. But it was so hard, I usually txt photos of our days out throughout the day to my husband and still can’t get used to not doing that. My mother in law and brother in law txt me in the morning and one of my nieces but that was it, my own mother didn’t even say anything and I don’t know if it’s because she didn’t want to upset me, but I think she adjust forgot, and I don’t know how to feel about that, beyond anger and hurt.

I hope you got through the day okay xx

2 Likes

@Gingerkitty : I think you are so right when you say you couldn’t ask for help as you didn’t know what you needed help with.
I think, in reality there isn’t very much anyone can do for us because they’re unable to undo the horror that brought us all here in the first place.
What a lovely kind neighbour you have.
It’s interesting too that the woman who made a small difference to you was a woman on crutches!
I suspect it’s a case of, if you’ve breezed through life without any major blips in it, it’s more difficult to empathise with others in a bleak situation.
They have nothing to relate to, so no concept of how tough it can be.
Those who have had traumas, can more easily relate.

From what you describe though @Misprint, your “friends” had the perfect opportunity to step up there and help you but, for whatever reason, they didn’t.
(Of course, your friends could all be in their 80’s or 90’s, be disabled and you may be a secret hoarder, which would be more understandable!) :wink:

I hope your move goes smoothly and that you settle well into your next home.
Jim will be with you in your heart, wherever you are.

4 Likes

Thank u winging it. No my friends are younger then me and all I wanted was a lift with some heavy items . Im not a hoarder just the opposite I’m not got much at all never was one for lots of stuff round me.

1 Like

I am sorry when I read that post from @Wingingit they should be not questioning why your so called friends did not help you. I have asked for help with various jobs as I have no children as well and they will say do not worry we will help well no that does not happen. It does not matter how old or what your circumstances are they should not offer if it is not meant. My partner got everything done what I used to have any worries about, and it is horrible way of life we are now in having to see to all the finances on our own is enough worry
Jessica

2 Likes

Thanku Jessica. It a times like this you find out who your friends really are .

Apologies @Jessica1231 if my post upset you - I wouldn’t want to cause upset to anyone, but particularly on a forum such as this.
We here, all have enough to contend with without careless words adding to our hurt.
As I stated, Misprint’s “friends” had the perfect opportunity to help her out and for whatever reason, they didn’t.
The other comment about age and hoarding was my clumsy attempt to add a little lightness to the chat - I hoped the “wink” would convey that.

Sadly, folk offer to do all sorts of stuff all the time, in an attempt to be polite or to seem to be doing the right thing when, in reality, they don’t for a moment think you are going to take them up on it.

You do quickly learn who you can lean on and who is full of hot air.

I agree with you totally about the financial stuff.
It terrifies me but, I am learning - fast!

Apologies again @Jessica1231 and @Misprint if I caused any offence.

3 Likes

That’s OK wingingit you didn’t upset me . I’m more upset with so called friends you don’t keep there promises

1 Like

My loss is recent only June this year sadly he passed before his birthday also in June. Our anniversary comes up on 1st September im making sure I’m away from home as I know it will be tough. I find being with others as much as I can and keeping busy helps. I push myself to carry on every day but it’s a huge effort . I don’t know yet how you come to terms with losing the love of your life I haven’t managed that yet, one day at a time always starts off bad but have to keep trying he wouldn’t have wanted me to give up. People say think of the happy times but that at the moment just makes me feel so sad that there are no more happy times to come. My lovely hubby was ill for 6 months with cancer, this time last year we had no idea what was to come, I’m devastated, good days bad days. I watched good grief on channel 4 it made me understand I wasn’t going mad with all the emotions that have swamped me, it showed you have to challenge yourself to do new things to realise life can go on but accept you will always feel the loss . I’d give anything for one of his hugs but it won’t happen so I’m sending a hug to you x

6 Likes

Sorry for your loss Chris it’s so hard isn’t it trying to cope everyday . Early days for you but I can’t say it gets any easier. I missed that program would have liked to have seen it. Take care xx

2 Likes

This is the hardest thing so many of us have to cope with, and not sure if you can ever get over it life is so lonely without our sole mates, our 54th wedding anniversary this week and no idea how to cope, he left me in March this year and am unable to cope without tears and this awful pain just wont go away.

3 Likes

I know exactly what you mean. It’s six months for me and I still feel the same.X

2 Likes