Keeping Occupied following a Bereavement

Coping with bereavement
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It’s almost a year since the sudden death of our lovely young daughter.

I find that listening to music helps me……My spotify playlist is nearly at 1000 songs.
Just before we lost Amy I started listening to Audio books on audible, and I have since discovered more audio books on youtube.
I hardly ever watch tv now as my attention span isn’t good.

I find that I can get lost in a verbal story which can help me sleep better.

I have modified my diet so that I can avoid anymore painful health issues.

My work is my hobby, I have a wool shop and I run social knitting and crochet clubs during the week. I began my job over 10 years ago, with both my daughters.

I taught my daughters to knit and crochet during the winter of 2010 when their school was closed due to the severe snowy weather in Fife, which was about 3 months long. They both enjoyed the hobby and they progressed onto more difficult items over the years. I also taught my elder son to knit, but he preferred playing his guitar.

I’m now very proud of him as he’s in a band, and they’ve had so many gigs this year.
Craig plays the bass guitar, he’s also self taught. He works from home in Glasgow, and they travel quite a bit to the gigs.

My other daughter currently works as a receptionist at a hospital near Westminster, London. Her job and role is changing soon, but it will still be in a hospital, and in a different part of London.

At our clubs we make lap blankets for our local hospital Dementia Wards, and I also knit Twiddle Muffs for the Fife Ambulance Patient Transport, we also knit and crochet baby hats, blankets, cardigans and booties for newborns at our local hospitals. At Christmas we donate warm hats, scarves and gloves to the Y.M.C.A who distribute items to the homeless.

What do you do to keep you occupied?

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Hello @Jack27 , im so sorry for the sudden loss of your daughter, what lovely ideas to keep you occupied, i keep myself occupied with diamond paintings, and i also volunteer for a hedgehog rescue place near to where I am and i absolutely love this, i think what your doing is lovely as ive always wanted to knit ect ive tried to but i just cant seem to get the hang of it :heart: xx

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I would definitely keep trying to learn. There are some easy tutorials on youtube. My daughters created a channel for basic patterns on youtube, Knitting for Beginners: Teddy Bear Hand Puppet Tutorial - YouTube

This link hopefully shows you how to cast on.

My daughter Amy is demonstrating and her sister Katie is the narrator.

There are some other simple patterns on the channel to make too.

Good luck :crossed_fingers:

Jayne

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Hello @Jack27 thankyou so much for this :sparkling_heart: and i will most definitely give it another go x

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Hi @Jack27

Thank you for this post . You have given some good ideas .
I lost my son 5 weeks ago and don’t know what to do with myself as I am still in a pit of dispair .
We are forcing ourselves to go for a short walk everyday and watching non triggering Tv.
I love reading but can’t concentrate enough at the minute . Might give audible a go at some point .

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Good to hear you keep occupied. I’m really into my exercise. I walk about 10 miles a day round the coast, ride my bike, gardening. I used to swim every day until March 17 2023, the day I lost my son. That will be my next target to start swimming again. May go to a different pool as I know to many people at the one I normally use, but we will see. Keeping occupied helps. I have my holiday let to run which I have to do regardless of anything. I was meant to start a part time job few months ago, with a friend who has her own business but not up to it, maybe next year. My days can be long sometimes without working but exercise occupies my day… I have to beat the targets I set on my Apple Watch. Maybe from this we can all find other interests we hadn’t thought of to help us all xx

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I used to go swimming every day before my son left us but I can’t even contemplate facing people at my local pool .
Like you say might be a good idea to travel to a pool where no body knows me .

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I also have a couple of apps that I use, one is a weekly puzzle and the other is a cross stitch colour in the squares.
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Give them a go. I like them as I can listen to both audio and spotify at the same time.

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This really good getting ideas. Thank you. I also like to do Sudoku on line. I used to read a lot but can’t concentrate long enough at the moment. I’m also thinking about studying a course on line. The only one that really appeals at the moment is about alcohol and substance misuse, not sure if it will help as I lost my son to a drugs overdose and waiting for the inquest. It’s easier to say on here about how I lost him. Myself and partner are not saying anything about his passing until the inquest is held. I can’t deal with it living in a small village…they love gossip and already got things wrong. Xx

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That’s what I am going to do, just got to push myself to do it, further to drive but less likely to bump into someone I know. It’s good for us as well to swim. I always used to swim a mile every day and feel energised. I hope you can find it in you to go, I guess when we have been once that’s a big step forward. We ran out of milk on Saturday, my partner always gets the milk in the village but time went on and forgot, he doesn’t drive so it was either no milk or I had to drive to the next village to get it, another place where I’m likely to see someone, I did it and was proud of myself and my partner. No one else would get it unless you are on this site and realise such a normal day task is so difficult to push you out of your comfort zone. Xx

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I know how you feel . We live in a small village and have been driving miles to do any shopping . Not that we are eating much at the moment .

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I know how you feel. We either have out food shop delivered or go early in a morning, I just feel people gossip, I may be wrong, but on a few occasions I have been right and put people in there place, so I find it easier to lay low and I’m very selective who I see. Even with my best friend I’m cagey about what I say incase she lets something slip. This is the only place I can open up. Other people just don’t get it and say you should be doing this, doing that. I do what I want to do and very strong minded when I need to be. We will do our little steps when we are ready😀 xx

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I sometimes write poems, garden, read, X words, film, make cards, cook, drive, play with cat, rearrange the place,

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Tilly, I did it today. Went for a swim, so proud of myself and it felt so good to be in the water again. If you can please try and go. I was more anxious driving there plus I knew someone there, it wasn’t easy, a few tears but I felt good when I got out. Hopefully one of the days you will feel you can, take care xx

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That’s brilliant. Well done to you .
I will try to go but still early for me . I haven’t driven since my son left us as just can’t concentrate although hubby will drive me wherever I want to go .
Hopefully I’ll be able to go soon .

xx

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I didn’t drive for 8 weeks, first time I was sweating with fear. I still get days when I’m not fit to drive. Little steps for us all xx

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That really inspired me that you went for a swim. I want to but keep putting it off. Glad I am not the only one like this.

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Thank you. Yesterday just seemed the day to take another step forward. It wasn’t easy be so glad I did it. I couldn’t even leave the house last Friday as I was in such a state. This grieving process is horrible but I’ve decided to take it hour by hour. Take care xx

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Yes you are so right

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Reading all the comments is a common theme - don’t want to bump into anyone I know! It is 2yrs 8 months since I lost my darling young one - son. It was 2 years until i resumed reading and I watched a lot of netflix etc. Have not been back to yoga or walking as said I do not want to see people I know. Masks & sunglasses are a great aid. I am slightly involved with TCF. I do not want to climb a mountain or do some heroic thing .I just want to get through a day at a time. My grandsons’ give me a lot of joy. We spent all day Sunday at Carnival. I do not think of being occupied but I look for distractions from the pain of such cruel loss. Great subject thanks