My 2020 mantra…" I will get myself back home, i will get back home, ( Hertfordshire - Bedfordshire ) i wont allow myself to die here ( Dorset ) like my Richard died here…" i should never have taken him away from our home of 14 -15 years…
His ashes are now back home, back home is where i - we both belong…
Jackie…
Good for you Jackie, keep thinking of this. You will sell your home and go back to where you want to. You will find a life again. Not one you planned but a life. Keep looking to the future Jackie. Keep strong.
Pat xxxx
Jackie,
I was told of someone who lived in a hotel because it was just as cheap as having her own property. I can’t imagine that it would be as cheap, but it is certainly the answer to loneliness.x
How do we define loneliness…some people crave a lot of people, even if they are strangers, although strangers can become friends, and then there are the ones, me included who just need that one special person in their life, that one person does not make them feel lonely, they feel safe, they feel they belong to someone, and being with a lot of friends and strangers is not being belonging to anyone in particular, but yes company, security and conversation even laughter is a blessing but for some of us, we have just had that one loyal to us partner and that has been all we have wanted, needed, now he-she has passed on to the other world, that one person we want still by our side…
I’m burying my son in 1 day , 12 th of feb , I’ve no idea who is reading this and I can’t work this site . He was 27 
Hi Paul 68 sorry for the sad loss of your son I lost my wife Jane 15 months ago we didn’t have any family during our 43 years of marriage so don’t really know how you are feeling now the loss of Jane shattered my life to so much of an extent that never seeing her again in this life takes some comprending.
Hope you find peace on this site a club none of us ever wanted to join.
Regards MM69 in U K
Hi Paul,
I don’t have children so I can’t begin to imagine your pain, it is awful when children go before their parents.
Would you like to tell us about your son ?
All sorts of people read this site, I lost my lifelong partner suddenly 2 years ago.
You seem to be doing ok on the site,
if you look at the different categories you may find others in a similar situation to yours and their posts may help you more than I can.
I’d also recommend the After Talk website a lot of really supportive info on their especially in Dr. NIEMEYERS question and answers.
I wish you well for tomorrow’s service and hope you can remember your lovely son and his life.
Sadme
This site is complicated to navigate from my I phone but I can read some things and it’s all very sad and I realise I’m not alone with this feeling 
Thank you everyone for the support . I’m unsure how to navigate this site and reply to individual people .
Hello Paul. I to buried my 27 year old son eighteen months ago so I understand how you are feeling. You will still be in shock and everything will seem surreal just now. I’ll be thinking of you through out today. Please ask your son to give you strength. I did and I know he was beside me that day…x
Thank you orchard , it’s been a tough day but I don’t need to tell you that . I couldn’t have got through without my youngest son to hold me up and to be quite honest if it wasn’t for my youngest son I wouldn’t have wanted to stay on this earth I’d have taken myself off it
Hello, Paul welcome to this forum. I cannot say anything to ease your pain, you must be in absolute agony, I am so sorry that you lost your son. There is one thing for sure, you will obtain compassion and understanding from the members here. Please reach out to anyone/all of us and there is someone who will be always here for you.
MaryL
Thank you x
I can’t navigate this site but anyone who wants to txt
I suffered depression before any of this but I’m still struggling , so where is the help because I can’t find any
Help is hard to come by Paul and slow. Ask your GP to refer you for counciling. Ring Cruise and put your name on their list to see a councillor. Look online and see if there any support groups close to you that you could go to. And accept all offers of help from family and friends. I bought a lot of books about death and grieving and found it helped me to see in print what I was feeling for in the beginning I thought I was loosing my mind. And there is always someone on here that will answer your posts. Your youngest son is your reason now to find strength to keep going. You need each other. Take care of yourself.
Tinnitus drives me insane coupled with depression, depression/anxiety makes tinnitus worse now the death of my son , I’m pushed to the very edge
I’m 51 and have very good health (apart from tinnitus which isn’t a life threatening illness )so potentially I may have another 20/30 years on this planet but In reality I don’t want to be here anymore for a day longer but I have one more son and it would leave him devastated and I can’t do that to someone I love dearly 
answers on a postcard please
I feel the same Paul, i don’t want to be here now but keep going for my husband’s much loved dog and becauae I don’t want my family suffer any more.
Different circumstances but exactly the same feeling , it’s depressing to think that this is it now just go through the motions until my time is here .