I find myself telling people I’m doing ok just because that’s what they want to hear but inside I’m far from ok. Went to my first counselling session today and for first time I didn’t have to put a act on needless to say I broke down and had a cry . My friends think after 6 months I should feel better then I do they just don’t get it I will never be “better” as they put it I’m lost my soulmate and I’m lost my way. At least my counsellor agreed that I’m suffering from depression. Im so exhausted with having to put an act on just wish pain would stop.
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Hi I put on an act every day with work and family I know the only person who could see through my act is my husband but if he was still here I wouldn’t be going through this. I have been to work come home tided up and just sat down and the tears are falling . What is the point of going on without the one I love. I ask him every night to come and get me. How long do I have to go on like this . It’s nearly six months and it’s getting worse .now another long lonely night without him x take care x
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Hi, I can relate to both of you, I lost my soulmate 4 months ago and I felt a little stronger the past couple of weeks, but in the last 2 days I’ve gone right back to the beginning, can’t sleep, and that ache deep in your heart that takes your breath away, also I can’t stop crying (really sobbing).
My family and friends seem to think I’m doing well, I’m not, I feel no joy in anything, I need the love of my life back and hate life without him.
So so lonely.
Muldool
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I can relate to how you are all feeling.I loathe feeling pressure to say I’m ok & feeling uncomfortable when I give a more honest answer.No one is ok when their partner has died.They may be functioning & just about coping but that doesn’t feel ok,it’s survival mode.I wish people would have a realistic understanding but most mean well,although it can be irritating & upsetting.
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I’m like you all I make out I’m alright when I’m not. Its easy to hide behind make up and act I’m alright when some days I just want to scream.
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Hi Muldool. It is nearly 4 yrs for me and I find no joy in anything except perhaps for an hour or two. I am an excellent actor but my heart aches continually and I know I will never feel the same again. I don’t want to go on holidays anymore and even going to the shops is hard work. I used to be full of life, planning holidays, enjoying hobbies. Now all I look forward to is sleeping!. My health is suffering and I am just weary. When does it all end?
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Hi Angelo2, thanks for your reply, I’m sorry for your loss.
It’s so exhausting isn’t it. I know my health is suffering too but I don’t care about myself anymore, I just wish to be wherever my Pete has gone.
We had so many plans to travel the world, I have no interest in doing so now.
I always thought I was an optimistic person but I can’t concentrate on my hobbies, before this happening I was full of life but now feel its been sucked out of me. At the moment I’m having big problems sleeping,
It’s just the worst time of my life.
My friends and family think I’m so strong and coping but I’m just putting on an act because I don’t want to worry them.
Unfortunately nothing can make it right.
Muldool
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Hi Muldool.
I know exactly how you feel. It is almost like you know that no matter what happens to make you smile, it would have been even better if your hubby was there. Nothing is the same any more. It is one long ache that Never subsides.
I can sleep hours at a time because it is my only escape. I just don’t want to wake up sometimes. I hace no motivation to do housework. I just can’t do half the things I used to. I just want to close my eyes and sleep. Nothing is complete. Nothing!
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Shell left us on 20 04 20, so it’s coming up to the 2nd anniversary . Its bean the longest 2 years I have ever had to endure. Yes it’s become an act, a public persona, and the real me , the private one, the one spent alone, the one going to bed early, even if sleep doesn’t come easily. At work, I appear happy , the comedian, its a way of dealing , get through 9 to 5, now it’s looking like redundancy as the company I work for is in serious trouble, it won’t just be a job , I am loosing ( along with some kind of financial support) it’s my escape from reality. If Shell was still here, she would be stressing over my potential job loss, at least she is spared that. We just continue to act I guess.
Take care all. Xx
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I know it is very very difficult to keep the brave face to the world, when out of view you just crumble and collapse consumed by your grief. I don’t know if any of this gets any easier, it’s early days for me and my wife yet. Just 10 months since our beautiful talented daughter felt she could no longer face life. All love.
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Hi mate, I lost my wife in June 20 and it’s just as bad now as it was then, my three sons keep telling me I need to see a counsellor, does it help if. It does then I will go and see one,because I can’t live like this, there is no outlook for me ,I don’t see any purpose in life,what is point. I am 66 and can’t see any future for me or any happiness, I was married for 45 years and all I have done is cry. When anyone is in the house I am ok but when they leave and I lock the door and turn round to that horrible loanly feeling. Please let me know
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Nearly 2 years for me, personally, it’s not as all consuming as it was, but it never feels right, I have work in the day, but it’s just me at night. I have a son from a previous relationship , who I see , now and again, but he has some personal problems himself, so I try not , to put too much on him. I have 2 step children, 1 I don’t see, the other gets in touch when she wants money, I end up giving in, she is the mother to a 5 year old granddaughter, who is my life now. Any advice I would give, is too hang on in there, think of her , I am sure she would want you to be okay and at peace. As regards councilling , I don’t know, I didn’t have any.
Take care. Xx
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It’s hard and I agree with everything you said, I think to my self sometimes what the hell did I do wrong in my last life to get this, all we can do is keep going don’t know where .
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We did nothing wrong, people on here may well ask the same question. I gave Shell CPR and failed, for a long time , I tangled with the questions, what if, but one of things , that gets me through is , the the thought, it was nature, and wherever they are now, they are at peace.
X
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Look after yourself or you can’t others. There is a crack in everything that’s how the light gets in.
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I feel the same. Someone told me I had to stop crying and get on with life a week after my partner died. I’ve cried every day for 5.5 months and it’s not getting any better. So many things trigger the tears. I had some counselling 3 years ago after my brother took his own life. It was helpful.
I hope you can get some peace and comfort.
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Some people are ignorant at times, if it’s never happened to them they don’t know nothing.I cry a lot as well and my wife died in June 2020, I talk to her very day, say good night to her every night, I sleep cuddling one of her nightdress every night. There is no right or wrong way but the one that suits you is the way.I have never been for councilling, does it help???. I hope things get better for you soon. Take care Bob
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Your so right Bobby people are ignorant they don’t know what it’s like to loss your soulmate someone you thought you would retire with and live out your plans. I don’t know why but I woke up this morning and I feel very anxious and tearful again. The anxiety is getting really bad and I’m shaking is this all part of grieving?. I just think things are going to go wrong and I don’t know how to scope.
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Shells health had nose dived so much, at 50 she was more or less house bound, p
On permanent oxygen, she had some portable supplies, then Covid hit.and she wasn’t allowed out. The one blessing is she away from the horrible times we are going through. In a much better place.
Thank you for your thoughts, take care. Xx
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Hi Misprint, i can understand how you feel and all though you put on an act, you are not really fooling yourself
because of the amount of time my wife has been with the angels in heaven, i now tell people that i am married to n NGEL WHO LIVES IN HEAVEN , this is because my marriage was never legally disolved like it is for divorce
there is no set time for people to feel normal, whatever that is? the only thing that i can say ( not advise ) is do just what feels right to you emotionally in your own time and space
best wishes mr chipps
last year after i had mentioned how long i had been on my own someone asked me why i had joined this site, and what right i had to speak to members or make posts, to them i say
may you life become happier and you find peace in your grief and loneliness
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