I’ve now finished an entire long weekend completely alone and I’m OK. Maybe, just maybe I can do this. I’ve a lot of positives: nice house and land; no debts; good income; lots of work to do on the holding. Yep, I can do this.
Yes, you can! Glad you had a good weekend and you managed to get through the weekend and come out ok.
Well done, that’s inspiring, thank you.
That is really good , i hope can be comfortable on my own one day,as at the moment i just want to be around others all tbe time
@Taz21. I too feel the need to be around people. I try to plan my days so I am alone as little as possible. I hate being at home on my own. It just reinforces the fact he’s not here even more. It’s 4 weeks since I lost my husband and at first everyone was in touch. Now not so much.
@Nigel2 you give me hope that maybe I can do this.
Same everyone has moved on with their lives im just stuck , i will be returning back to work next week i hope this can give me some rountine
Well done, Nigel, and yes you can do this. There is a difference between aloneness and loneliness, isnt there.
I found going out to “be among people” can be difficult if they arent close friends with whom you can share thoughts. I soon learnt that its very possible to be lonely in a crowd, and all I wanted was to sneak away and be alone for a while.
It’s strange because when my partner was alive, I was quite happy with my own company if he was away, working, etc and It didn’t bother me. I think routine and familiarity is a comfort zone. My partner always walked our dog because years ago when I was walking him we were attacked by a dog running loose, it shook me up quite badly and I was to anxious to ever walk him on my own. Now I have to do it as he’s no longer here and the one thing I dreaded, I now enjoy. We are capable of far more than we actually give ourselves credit for. I miss my partner dreadfully but I know I can survive, thriving however is a different story
@Sarlyn you make a good point. I was quite often on my own when my partner was alive as he worked shifts, and I used to enjoy having a weekend to myself. Probably because I knew that the weekends when he was off we would be doing something. Now weekends just feel so lonely. Like you I know I can survive on my own, but how i thrive I’ve yet to work out.
@Nigel2 you give us hope! Thank you for your positive post
I’ll glad you are finding it easier - it gives me hope but I found the bank holiday weekend difficult because I didn’t see anybody either but I think it was made a lot worse that the weather was too bad to get out into our large garden/ small holding. I managed to get out yesterday and felt do much better after working outside but our plot is 5 acres and I can’t keep it going on my own. My husband did all the heavy work, mowing ( a lot) the vegetables and soft fruit ie the edibles while I did the decorative parts of the garden. I haven’t manage to plant any vegetables yet and need to get the potatoes in so I am now employing a gardener and that has made a huge difference but I really can’t afford to have him every week as its £100 for give hours which us very reasonable. I am in a very isolated area on Skye and I love it here so I don’t know what to do. Our children and grandchildren are all down south but it’s too busy and built up there - I would hate it. I don’t want to move especially as we created this garden and small holding from scratch 14 years ago and when I’m in the garden I can imagine he’s still here working away near me. I never used to mind being on my own as I knew Gordon was there and we would get together properly in the evenings - that’s the worse time . He died unexpectedly ftom sepsis last October and was in ICU for over a month.
@SkyeGardener. The things we took for granted. I am also struggling with all the practical aspects my husband took care of. The heavy lifting, the car, things around the house. As if the emotional loss is not enough to deal with we also have to cope with the practical stuff to. I know it’s not much consolation but know that I feel for you and sending love.
Yes i was same - happy with my own company but its not the same now ! I know hes never gonna walk through that door again and hear his lovely voice or see his lovely face - he was quite a handsome man and a funny man too ! Always liked to have a laugh at life … boy its such a poison challice ! I cant believe that this time last year he was still with me , sharing his thoughts but getting poorlier and we didnt even know it we never know how long we have left do we ? Do you find you think about death a lot more now ? I never used to think about it before , believing as we were relatively young compared to my parents who are still alive, i had a while yet before had to worry - how wrong was i ? X
Thank you Jan. I certainly took my husband for granted. I now have to pay tradesman to do the jobs he used to do. But mostly I just miss him being around and talking with him and especially at night.
I think losing a loved one forces us to think deeply about death and also our own mortality. We take life for granted thinking we will live to old age and pass away peacefully. Until it happens to you nobody can understand that death is actually the worse pain and heartbreak any human being can experience. It challenges us in so many ways, i.e, the purpose and meaning of life, being scared of the unknown and the finality of everything. My partner died suddenly, no warning, no symptoms, heart attack and resuscitated 3 times. He was 63 fit, healthy, didn’t drink or smoke. I am still in shock. One minute we were having a normal Sunday morning and then after 54 years of knowing each other, 20yrs as partners, gone, just like that. How? Why? Where? so many questions and no answers. I look at his photo and ask how can you become just a photo and memories? It seriously messes with our minds
@Sarlyn so sorry for your loss and so unexpected too. It is almost surreal, thinking about the life we had and the future we thought we had. Life is so hard
@Jan17 @Sarlyn @SkyeGardener . My Pete worked as a carer and often away 48 hours at a time, so i got used to sleeping alone. But always knew he’d be back soon and he would call or WhatsApp. Im sure that even after the funeral yesterday i am still in denial and think he’s away working. I cant imagine living alone . My children want me to stay over with them and i will occasionally. One day at a time.
It’s such huge adjustments to make at a time when you are already feeling so vulnerable.
I totally agree with you and that is what I now feel like, though I am further down the road than you are.
We were married 47 years and together 50, we never spent a night apart unless he was in hospital or I was having our children. What I do remember as clear as anything, was the first night after my husband died, having to climb into our bed and feeling absolutely frozen, even though it was only August, it seemed so strange not having him to snuggle up to. I have not slept the night through since he died even though I have put long pillows at the back of me. I even considered a single bed at one point but I could not part with our bed.
I am also in a position like yourself, lovely home, large gardens, no debts and a good income thanks to my state pension and my husbands private pension.
So I agree with you, like I say I am a few years further down the line than you and yes, it won’t always be easy but it won’t always be hard. There is just one thing that I find completely heart breaking is knowing that if I turn around he won’t be there and I will never hear his voice again unless I watch a video of him meeting his first grandchild for the first time.
Please take care of yourself.
Yeh its nearly 5 months since my husband passed and miss him being there and his voice so much ! I wish i was dead with him really ! I hate living without him
@Deb5 oh that is so sad. It really is the most awful situation to be in. Sending hugs.