@Deb5,Lost my wife 4mths ago and I must admit, in those early weeks I didnt want to be here anymore, its hard being an unprepared widower at 57yrs old.
You soon realise everything in this world revolves around couples and your now all alone. Whilst I feel its getting a bit easier, people will never really understood until they have to go through what we have had to.
I found that counselling helps along with this website, its just about learning to live with the grief despite your world being turned upside down. Stay strong, for every dark , are sunny days ahead and cherish those happy memories. Someday we will be with them again.
Take care, Russell
6 Likes
Aw thanks russell thats kind 
but i just feel a big part of me has died as well 
( my husband was only 60) i try to carry on but i feel so empty inside i really do. Im awaiting counselling. My family have been useless and unsupportive ! Its been so hard ! I go up and down but i feel recently like ive gone backwards again as i think ive forgotten what true happiness and contentment is that i had with my husband 
xx
5 Likes
@RussellE and @Deb5 I also find going it alone so difficult. I’m a widow at 55. I have some supportive family but still find the loneliness the hardest. I miss my husband so much. Also hoping to get counselling but there’s a six week wait.
5 Likes
Yeh I’ve just chased up my counselling. Should be soon they said ;( waited nearly 3 months for it xx
5 Likes
I know … shoulve gone private maybe ? Nearly there though now hopefully ! X
3 Likes
I have just finished my counselling. What I learnt from it that here is no shame in showing your emotions. It might be anger, sadness heartbreak. They are all the things that are normal. I say good morning to my wife’s ashes each morning and goodnight before I go to bed. That might sound strange to some people but I fing it helps me to cope.
6 Likes
@brian26 I’m sorry for your loss. It must be even more difficult without family to support you. I don’t think it’s sad at all that you talk to your wife’s ashes… We all need to do whatever helps us and brings us comfort at this time. I’m hoping counselling will help me as I’m struggling.
3 Likes
Folks, my wifes ashes are sitting on her bedside table and yes, the urn would be kissed now and then. However there are times I just cannot believe this is my life now.
As for the counselling, there is no Cruise Office over hear in Northern Ireland, thankfully work provided services over hear, not purely bereavement but helpful nevertheless, but just 6 sessions.
Take care all and stay strong
6 Likes
I’m finding it hard as well with out my funny handsome husband. He was only 53 and suddenly died. Miss him so much and feel so lonely without him. I still can’t believe that he is gone and that I never going to see him again. These bank holidays are hard as we would be doing stuff together. Never realised how ill he was and wish I got him down the doctor earlier but too late. Felt so lucky when we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary 2 months previously thinking we had another 25/30 years. Life so unfair and cruel. Just can’t see myself ever being happy again.
5 Likes
This is really hard for you, I struggle with my cottage garden in the Cotswolds & it’s only 150ft long! I feel so guilty because it’s getting overgrown & everytime I’m outside I find myself apologising out loud to my husband (Rich died suddenly in hospital Dec 22), the pond has almost dried up & I can’t face anything out there at all. Rich did all the gardening, he used to say “I love doing it, I do it for you to pick the flowers”. I have lots of support from family & friends but when you shut the front door you’re on your own SO… I decided to get a Labrador puppy to fill the gaps…crazy idea but he really helps me, 15wk old Bub (thus named because my husband called everyone Bub!) needs lots of love & attention. Absolutely no way does he ever replace Rich but he seems to love me unconditionally as did my darling husband. I’ve also got the most amazing Ukrainian refugee staying with me, she is unbelievably lovely, again no replacement for Rich but I hated being alone so much that sometimes I just didn’t want to carry on. I have to go out with Bub which does help a lot. Good luck out there on that beautiful island, we had planned to visit but never quite got around to it!
6 Likes
You need to give yourself some credit. It sounds like your doing well, even if it doesn’t feel like it. Small steps, but your helping someone to have a home and you’ve given a home to a puppy that will cherish you. I also got a puppy and she’s 14 weeks now, named after Rich’s birthstone and has been a huge help.
Could you and your lodger do the garden together. We were in the process of redoing our garden and my Rich built a beautiful pathway and raised planting area for all our plants and we were going to create the seating area and redo patio, now that is not completed as he died suddenly and unexpectedly at 49 of cardiac arrest. Getting people in will cost me quite a lot so will take my time and do it myself with friends and family.
4 Likes
My rescue dog i got after 4 mths of my Bri passing suddenly and unexpectedly last oct has certainly helped me. Hes a 7 stone golden retreiver, a proper goofball. And also the garden, its only small but my little project and safe haven. X
2 Likes
Golden retrievers are lush! You prob saw my cockapoo on zoom lol. They like cuddles too 
Doesn’t cuddle like my Rich but it’s a great second choice!
4 Likes
Yes, i did see your doggie, such a cutie, and even tho ive only had Bailey a few months he knows when i need a cuddle. Pets are such a comfort xx
3 Likes
You can…
We all can … loneliness is in many particularly those that have to get use to massive changes .
Only we can do that for our selves in our own way and time.
Happy bank Holiday guys . 
4 Likes
Yes we have to adapt as best we can. It is not easy with no real quick fix solutions. I try to keep busy and do as many jobs as I can. Thankfully I have some good friends but they have their own lives to lead and I and I am always thankful to what time they give to me. Thank goodness I can afford to eat out at my favourite pub where I am always welcome. Please make the best of your lives as our partners would want us to.
1 Like
I completely get you, I feel exactly the same! Getting into bed at night is so hard, being in bed is hard & waking up in the morning is so horrible…I have amazing kids & family & friends but Rich was the person I curled up with in bed at night & I miss that so very much. He never minded if I put my freezing cold feet on his to warm me up but should he dare to put mine on his I’d squeal with horror & push them off! Oh how I wish I could have his cold feet on mine now, I’d not mind at all. Keep going it might just feel better after a while. I’ve learnt to breathe & meditate through a bereavement group which really did help. My Rich died at Christmas & his funeral 19/12/23. It’s rubbish without my hilarious, kind, brave, wise old man 
5 Likes
My husband died 5 1/5 months ago. I spk to him everynight and kiss his photo b4 I go.to bed. I have photos of him in nearly all my rooms and am always kissing them .
Miss him so much , life is just an existance now. ,
I am also awaiting counselling, nearly 2 months now so hopefully when i do receive it , i can make some sense of this most awful , lonely life without my partner of 50 yrs together
2 Likes
Hi Carly, my wife and I were together for 25 years and we married when we when were older. We shared a wonderful life together and when she died it was and still is so sad.
I still talk to her and say good morning and goodnight. I looked after her when she was ill and went to the nursing home to give her dinner and tea. As her tumor became worse she was unable to talk and that is what I miss so much. Counselling taught me to accept all the emotions you feel, sadness anger regrets. I know my wife would want me to get on with my life and not waste what I have. I do try, but to stop the feeling of being alone is very hard. I hope that it will ease with time and I can remember all the good times. No quick fix but enjoy all the moments when you are with friends and family and if you need to cry, go ahead as they will understand.
5 Likes