l thought one day to write a poem about my feelings of grief, l made some notes but decided to compose it as a letter. There is absolutely nothing out there to warn ladies of what to expect before that dreadful day happens and so l wrote this …
LETTER OF WARNING TO FUTURE WIDOWS
The longer you love, the harder you grieve
The blood draining shock that sweeps over you on that fateful day.
The heart wrenching sobs and wails that comes from your inner most soul.
The screams for his return, the knowing that that could never be
Your tears come in waves, little ripples or bloody great tsunamis.
They hit you whenever, wherever.
You try to suppress it, with pills, potions or the bottle but you’re just delaying the inevitable, the crash that is long overdue.
Your world has crashed and that one person that would have held you in his arms, has gone.
You look for a sign, is he here?, is he watching? can he see the pain l’m in?
You tell him daily you love him, does he know?
The one person, in a crowded room, is not there, will never be there again.
The empty house screams silence, you try to fill it with noise, you try to distract yourself so that, just for a moment, you don’t feel the pain of his absence, but to no avail, his face comes into view and you’re back to the beginning.
You’re on your own.
Now you have to find the strength to make this journey alone, no-one but no one can do it for you.
Your heart breaks everyday but you have to learn to live with it, you’ll never get used to it.
Time does not help, the longer away from his day the more you want him.
The first year will have all the milestones, where once there were two, now there’s only one
There is no right or wrong to grief, there is no timeline, it will take as long as it takes.
There is no book on it, you can search but you’ll find no answers.
This journey is yours alone.
Others have travelled this road before you and there will be others to follow.
This letter is to those who are to follow, what to expect for loving your man no matter how long or how deep.