l thought one day to write a poem about my feelings of grief, l made some notes but decided to compose it as a letter. There is absolutely nothing out there to warn ladies of what to expect before that dreadful day happens and so l wrote this …

The longer you love, the harder you grieve

The blood draining shock that sweeps over you on that fateful day.

The heart wrenching sobs and wails that comes from your inner most soul.
The screams for his return, the knowing that that could never be

Your tears come in waves, little ripples or bloody great tsunamis.
They hit you whenever, wherever.

You try to suppress it, with pills, potions or the bottle but you’re just delaying the inevitable, the crash that is long overdue.
Your world has crashed and that one person that would have held you in his arms, has gone.

You look for a sign, is he here?, is he watching? can he see the pain l’m in?
You tell him daily you love him, does he know?

The one person, in a crowded room, is not there, will never be there again.

The empty house screams silence, you try to fill it with noise, you try to distract yourself so that, just for a moment, you don’t feel the pain of his absence, but to no avail, his face comes into view and you’re back to the beginning.

You’re on your own.

Now you have to find the strength to make this journey alone, no-one but no one can do it for you.

Your heart breaks everyday but you have to learn to live with it, you’ll never get used to it.

Time does not help, the longer away from his day the more you want him.

The first year will have all the milestones, where once there were two, now there’s only one

There is no right or wrong to grief, there is no timeline, it will take as long as it takes.
There is no book on it, you can search but you’ll find no answers.

This journey is yours alone.

Others have travelled this road before you and there will be others to follow.
This letter is to those who are to follow, what to expect for loving your man no matter how long or how deep.


That’s lovely and so very true :broken_heart:


That is amazing, lovely and so true, thank you


Yes that’s a true picture of the way we are


beautiful and brought tears to my eyes


That’s made me sob, it’s so true.


So true and wonderfully written.


This is beautiful and so true :heart: Thank you for sharing :heart:


Sometimes people can just say it like it is, this site is full of really helpful stories.
I too lost my husband of 30 years only a month ago, it has been awful I have really needed the support of the other people on this page, take care x


I am so sorry for your loss. I also lost my Philmore suddenly this February and it has been a constant struggle since. I found the conversation on this site very helpful and it gives me strength to carry on somehow. Sending love and hugs.


Oh how true. I lost my husband to cancer on our silver wedding anniversary in August this year. I just don’t know what to do feeling so alone.


You don’t know me but I felt I had to write to you.
What an absolutely dreadful day to be widowed, as if the actual situation isn’t bad enough. I am so sorry.
I have no words of wisdom for you, but I wish I had. My husband died more than three years ago and I am still waiting for the time when I don’t wake up missing him, and don’t go through the day (and night) wanting him back, and can possibly start feeling happy again, but I fear that day will never come. We were married for 54 years and I adored him. I hope it will be different for you, but suspect it won’t be. All I can say is, the days come, the days go. Life, the new life we didn’t ask for, goes on and we have to deal with it.
I hope you have family and friends to help you get through this. My thoughts are with you.
Hugs, Ann


Exactly me no truer word


Thank you Ann its the first time I have posted so getting a reply from one who understands has helped.


Hi Lottswife

I just want to say what a beautiful letter that is. It sums up exactly how I feel. I lost my husband 10 mo the ago. Very suddenly on 30/12. I have been through every emotion but am now feeling at peace. I was so grateful for all the advice I received on this forum. Sending love to you :heart:


I don’t visit this site that often these days, but so glad I did today to read your letter. It is beautiful and so reflects how I feel.

I lost my husband two years ago and am trying to build a new/different life for myself. We were together for over 50 years and he was my life. I no longer cry every day. I have a lot of photos of him and us around the house and I talk to him all the time and tell him I love him. He smiles back at me to let me know that he loves me and that I’m doing okay. I have found a kind of peace and I hope that everyone that reads this will find the same peace in their own time. God bless.


That’s a lovely and reassuring update about your feelings I’m so glad to hear that there is some calm ahead. It’s almost impossible at the time of great loss to begin to hope for calm. Keep strong x


You are so welcome. Being on here has kept me sane, although, after 3+ years, I don’t go on here as much. Keep going, that’s the secret. X


That is EXACTLY what I’m going through. Lost my husband on 17 October. These feelings are raw & painful and almost everything I see, hear or touch reminds me of him. A d the worst part is that he was rock in times of trouble. Always there for me. But I am not folding or giving in because that is not what he’d want for, and it’s THAT that is keeping me this side of sane.


I am so sorry for your loss. I wish you lots of strength and hope that you have support from your family and friends, although they will never replace what you have lost. Sending love and hugs.